Brain Vomit
So William's always posting these bizarre notes on facebook that don't really seem to ever mean anything they're just long strung on sentences of whatever the hell happens to be in his head. He just dumps his brain. In the book I'm reading, Microserfs, the main character does the same thing. He just has a word document fully devoted to dumping his subconscious.
How do I do that? I'm constantly so conscious of what I'm writing, and more than that I'm particular and back space a lot and double check my grammar etc etc etc.
I think my greatest problem is that I'm incapable of letting go. I'm not a clinger, but in a lot of ways I cling so tightly to the things in my life that if I could date abstract ideas they'd hate me.
Hero's finally out of the hospital. They sent her home. She's happy and she's "having" a boy. I told her they didn't need to date, get married, fuck, nothing. They're just so perfect for eachother that I can't imagine them not "having" eachother. They deserve one another's nooks to cuddle up in at night and their souls deserve the mutual sigh of calm whenever they're in the same room. I know she doesn't believe in marriage, but she finally learned to let go and let love find her, so maybe I'll get to be a bridesmaid someday. And I'll take pictures of them driving off with tin cans tied to his 57 Chevy.
I've never been happier to hear someone was home. I've even remembered how to have a sex drive now that she's happy again. I'm not like that with anyone, not even my other Hip. Admittedly, if Hip was in the hospital I don't think I'd even be able to speak in full sentences. So I take that back. If my friends are in ailing health, I can't be horny.
But everyone's home, happy and laid.
I'm home, but that doesn't mean shit these days. My home is somewhere out in the world and my greatest goal in life is to find it. Home is where the heart is. My heart's in the ocean. But I hate fish?
I'm happy. God help me I said it. I'm happy. You know, my friends are all home. Yeah they're ALL fucking eachother, but that's hardly a detail to wrap myself too far into. I've got a good group to look after me, and for me to look after. And come fall, I've finally figured out which ones really matter, so I'll still have them. My mother's been behaving, I'm on some level of independence, and...I'm a girlfriend?
WHAT?
It's been a month and a half and I'm still coming to terms with that. I'm learning to handle PDA, learning to not tear him down in front of his buddies, and learning to take the mocking from my friends. It all feels so good natured that there's just no reason for me to freak out about shit. And he's very sweet. Not exactly the SMARTEST bulb in the box, but he is smart. He's got all the brains of anyone I know up behind that very well shaped face of his, he just seems to have trouble putting thoughts together. And as Cody's pointed out, he wears v neck shirts.
I'll work on it Cody.
V Neck shirts and sweetness aside, I still seem to have a hard time calming down and trusting him. He's just as honest with me as I am with him(Which is insanely so) so I really shouldn't feel like he's hiding anything from me, but at the same time, he feels really locked down. I wonder if maybe he feels the same about me? Though, surprisingly, I haven't kept much from him. Not as much as I thought I would going into this. I think the fact that he drinks and occassionally smokes a little weed is what keeps my suspicions high. I just can't trust anyone who tells me that "Smoking weed unlocks deep thoughts in your brain."
My god I'm infatuated with a stoner.
Ah well. Es la vida.
Mucho amor.
How do I do that? I'm constantly so conscious of what I'm writing, and more than that I'm particular and back space a lot and double check my grammar etc etc etc.
I think my greatest problem is that I'm incapable of letting go. I'm not a clinger, but in a lot of ways I cling so tightly to the things in my life that if I could date abstract ideas they'd hate me.
Hero's finally out of the hospital. They sent her home. She's happy and she's "having" a boy. I told her they didn't need to date, get married, fuck, nothing. They're just so perfect for eachother that I can't imagine them not "having" eachother. They deserve one another's nooks to cuddle up in at night and their souls deserve the mutual sigh of calm whenever they're in the same room. I know she doesn't believe in marriage, but she finally learned to let go and let love find her, so maybe I'll get to be a bridesmaid someday. And I'll take pictures of them driving off with tin cans tied to his 57 Chevy.
I've never been happier to hear someone was home. I've even remembered how to have a sex drive now that she's happy again. I'm not like that with anyone, not even my other Hip. Admittedly, if Hip was in the hospital I don't think I'd even be able to speak in full sentences. So I take that back. If my friends are in ailing health, I can't be horny.
But everyone's home, happy and laid.
I'm home, but that doesn't mean shit these days. My home is somewhere out in the world and my greatest goal in life is to find it. Home is where the heart is. My heart's in the ocean. But I hate fish?
I'm happy. God help me I said it. I'm happy. You know, my friends are all home. Yeah they're ALL fucking eachother, but that's hardly a detail to wrap myself too far into. I've got a good group to look after me, and for me to look after. And come fall, I've finally figured out which ones really matter, so I'll still have them. My mother's been behaving, I'm on some level of independence, and...I'm a girlfriend?
WHAT?
It's been a month and a half and I'm still coming to terms with that. I'm learning to handle PDA, learning to not tear him down in front of his buddies, and learning to take the mocking from my friends. It all feels so good natured that there's just no reason for me to freak out about shit. And he's very sweet. Not exactly the SMARTEST bulb in the box, but he is smart. He's got all the brains of anyone I know up behind that very well shaped face of his, he just seems to have trouble putting thoughts together. And as Cody's pointed out, he wears v neck shirts.
I'll work on it Cody.
V Neck shirts and sweetness aside, I still seem to have a hard time calming down and trusting him. He's just as honest with me as I am with him(Which is insanely so) so I really shouldn't feel like he's hiding anything from me, but at the same time, he feels really locked down. I wonder if maybe he feels the same about me? Though, surprisingly, I haven't kept much from him. Not as much as I thought I would going into this. I think the fact that he drinks and occassionally smokes a little weed is what keeps my suspicions high. I just can't trust anyone who tells me that "Smoking weed unlocks deep thoughts in your brain."
My god I'm infatuated with a stoner.
Ah well. Es la vida.
Mucho amor.