[Dissidia] "For the Heart I Once Had"
Title: "For the Heart I Once Had"
Characters: Sephiroth-centric, cameos by Kain and Golbez, mentions of others.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2,018
Summary: Drabble series centering around Sephiroth and his time in the world of Dissidia.
Disclaimer: I do not own Dissidia Final Fantasy. I also do not own the song "For the Heart I Once Had" by Nightwish that inspired these drabbles.
A/N: Written for beejang's donation at helpthesouth
*******
Heaven today is but a way to a place I once called home...
Sephiroth awoke in a world that he knew was not his own, but had no idea what his own looked like. The land was silent, not a breath of wind nor the sound of a bird. It was as if nothing was there, nothing except him. He wondered if this was the Lifestream, the word just floated up in his mind, he had no idea what it meant. He seemed to walk forever, not seeing another soul.
Suddenly, on the horizon, there stood a man. He was large and clad in dark armor, his back to him looking off into the distance. Sephiroth gauged the risk of approaching. He could see no visible weapon and he was confident in his sword skills.
“You,” he said, his voice filled with ice, “What is this place?”
The larger man turned towards him, towering over the slender swordsman. His armor was built to intimidate and to make him seem even larger than he already was. Although his face was obscured by a helmet, Sephiroth could sense his surprise.
“I do not know. Who are you?” he asked.
“I am Sephiroth.” he pulled out his blade and held out its length towards the other’s throat. The other turned fully to him, ready for a fight.
“I take it you are challenging me.” the large man asked, Sephiroth responded with a swing of his blade which was blocked. This felt right, in a world of nothing, at least there was war.
******
...One final sigh
As another love grows cold...
Sephiroth sometimes wondered what brought him back to this spot where he had first met Golbez. The battle had been fierce and they had both walked away worse for wear. He could feel something new stir, respect for another combatant. He could sense that he had only felt this way a few times before, and certainly not for that spiky haired brat that he had met in recent times here in this world. He knew that Warrior of Cosmos and himself must be from the same place. The desire to destroy him was more powerful than any of the other Cosmos warriors.
He disliked his charge, the orders to fight. He had always fought for his own ends and here was another seeking to bend him to his will. The God of Chaos may one day learn his mistake. It was his conversations with his ‘comrades’ that made this place tolerable, at least some of them anyway, he wanted to smash that annoying clown’s face into the wall.
Here he was, trapped in an endless cycle of warfare, adding his power to a force that would extinguish all of the light, filling the world with swirling darkness.
******
Once my heart beat to the rhythm of the falling snow
Blackened below...
It was a strange feeling to have memories of people and places that were not of the current world. He would be walking down a corridor or fighting an enemy and the flashes of memory would take over his mind, leaving him blind to everything else. There would be flashes of a life growing up in a military and people with lab coats. The word SOLDIER would take hold in his mind. There would be glimpses of other warriors, friends perhaps. Sometimes the memory would be so painful that he wanted to rip it to shreds and if he was fighting an opponent they would be annihilated on the spot.
He could remember emotion, an anger so extreme that it had made his vision go dark to only wake up when he was surrounded by fire and the screams of victims. Blood dripped off his blade turning the ground beneath it red...
He stared at the charred remains of some faceless Warrior of Cosmos, a victim of Supernova, and imagined what he must have been like in that other world. Was he a hero? Was he a villain? He sensed that at one point he had wanted to be a force for light and a force for good. What had happened to blacken his heart and cause the suffering he had inflicted upon his own world?
*******
For the heart I’ll never have...
Each battle was executed with a precision, systematic slaughter of all enemies. Occasionally he allowed them to limp away, to give him sport for another day. Even the mannequins that were created from the void did not escape his wrath. He watched as several of them disappeared into shimmering dust with a singular sweep of his long sword.
“Weak.” He had no respect for these shadows of himself or his enemies. He took special delight when they wore the faces of his comrades. He could give them every death he imagined giving to their originals. He felt a presence approach him, it was one of the few comrades he did not want to slice into a thousand pieces.
“Why do you destroy so much?” He looked behind his to see Golbez watching him from above, standing upon a shattered column. Sephiroth gazed at him cooly, no emotion on his fate.
“Perhaps I do so to make up for what your bleeding heart cannot destroy.” The larger man chuckled darkly, floating down to walk past him. His dark armor betrayed nothing of his mood.
“Perhaps, my heart commands me to choose my battles more carefully.”
“Well, you are lucky then, for I have no heart.”
*******
The music flows, because it longs
For the heart I once had...
He made it a point to seek out those memories, lost in this world of nothing. It was one day that he learned a harsh truth, that they would continuously lose their memories and be reborn in this world. They were pawns to forever fight in this war between the gods. He wasn’t sure if it was perhaps fate for those actions that he could only half remember in his own world, or perhaps it was a gift, a chance to fight over and over again for eternity.
Sometimes he would get glimpses of the past cycles in this world, how comrades had appeared only to disappear when the war cycle ended. He remembered one Warrior of Cosmos that had stared at him so defiantly as he considered carving her flesh for his memories. Battles often awoke his past and he could find the answers to his questions.
He sometimes wondered where it was along his life that he had lost his heart, he remembered being a hero once, when had that desire changed? One time he recalled someone who must have been his friend once, who had told him something terrible. Was that the time? He decided to dismiss it. He would no longer look towards the light, for that cruel heat had forsaken him. He would choose darkness, he had chosen Chaos.
“Do not stand so close to the light, you will get burned.” He would say to anyone who would listen, and he knew it to be true.
*******
Faded and torn...
Sephiroth watched as the Warriors of Cosmos arranged themselves before his allies and himself. He glanced at those he was told to fight besides. Few of them were worth such an honor, he felt. As a group they were beginning to look ragged, but the warriors they were about to face seemed to fare no better. He sighed, wondering what would break the cycle of endless war and endless orders. Would it be those heroes of light, or would it be one of the heroes of darkness? He held his sword before him and surveyed the slight damages it had taken, he would need to repair it again, or would it be fixed when they all disappeared and reappeared?
“Golbez, will you be able to destroy that pathetic little brother of yours this time around?” he asked to the man that stood nearby. The other turned to him, unreadable beneath that grand helmet.
“I do not yet know.”
“Perhaps I should destroy him for you.” he replied. Golbez was silent, turning his face away and staring out across the battlefield that they had seen hundreds of times.
“Or me!” added in Kefka, cackling and twirling around. Jecht slammed his sword into the ground, he wanted to end this battle quickly, not truly wanting to face his son. The others laughed in anticipation of another bloodbath or sighed in resignation, bored of the endless fight. Sephiroth sometimes wondered how he felt, after all his heart had died long ago, back on his own world.
******
I’ll believe and foresee...
“Sephiroth, do you have memories of home?”
“I am surprised you would ask such a sentimental question.”
“I know that your memories are what you are seeking so do not act as if I am the sentimental one.” Sephiroth smirked at the other man, who was in one of his rare vulnerable moments, when the helmet was discarded, his face revealed. The first time he had seen him without his armor he had not even recognized him. Now it was a common occurrence. He sat in relative ease next to a small campfire, his weapon close at hand. No one ever had theirs far from their person. Sephiroth sat on the other side of the fire, staring into the flickering flames, remembering the warmth of flames much larger and brighter. Flames that destroyed that horrible town where they had kept his mother.
“I do seek my memories, do you not seek yours?”
“I have many of mine, but they mostly just bring me sadness.”
“Mine also bring me pain and because of them I must destroy. I have been given a great slight in my world, and those from it must pay.”
“Even in this one? For some reason, here I find my anger dulled.”
“I find mine just as sharp.” said Sephiroth staring into the shining flames. Remembering screams and agony. It pushed him forward, wanting to know why, desiring the answer.
*******
Time will not heal... scars
Time will kill...
Sephiroth held his head in his hands, it couldn’t be true. How could he have done such a thing in his own world? And if he had, why had he been summoned here as a Warrior of Cosmos? He must have been good once and he tried to remember, tried to think back before the flames and the hatred. He tried to remember the companions that smiled at him, but they slipped from his mind before he could really see their faces. He felt a crack then, a fissure line that swept through the middle of his body, it would take one touch to shatter it.
“Sephiroth, what is wrong?”
He looked up at the other man, his ice blue eyes staring into the darkness of the black helmet, “Kain... I shouldn’t be here. I have done...”
“Done what?”
“Betrayal.” he replied, voice frozen solid as he pulled at his sword and pointed it at the other man, a warrior that was now his enemy.
“Sephiroth, what...?” Kain did not have time to finish his sentence as instinct caused him to raise his spear to block the attack.
“I am for Chaos now, and that was how it was meant to always be.”
******
For the heart I’ll never have
For the heart I once had...
Each of the cycles brought an endless parade of frustration and pain. Each time a memory got within his grasp it was quickly snatched away again. He would see a memory of not only this world, but his own, calling him back to be ruler of his land. He could sense that such a goal had been in his reach, was it because he was here that it was forever lost to him? Or was it something that had happened there, was that why he felt a nonsensical rage every time he saw that yellow-haired soldier? All he knew is that he would fight, destroy any hope in those Cosmos warrior’s eyes.
He gripped the hilt of his blade and observed his comrades, looking over the edge of the field at those that stood against Chaos. It felt simultaneously like the first time and the millionth. How many cycles had it been now? The first or the thousandth? He found that he didn’t care, the memories would come and go, ebb and flow like the Lifestream in the world he was stolen from.
He smirked, war was what he had been built for after all, and what better than a war that never ended?
Characters: Sephiroth-centric, cameos by Kain and Golbez, mentions of others.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2,018
Summary: Drabble series centering around Sephiroth and his time in the world of Dissidia.
Disclaimer: I do not own Dissidia Final Fantasy. I also do not own the song "For the Heart I Once Had" by Nightwish that inspired these drabbles.
A/N: Written for beejang's donation at helpthesouth
*******
Heaven today is but a way to a place I once called home...
Sephiroth awoke in a world that he knew was not his own, but had no idea what his own looked like. The land was silent, not a breath of wind nor the sound of a bird. It was as if nothing was there, nothing except him. He wondered if this was the Lifestream, the word just floated up in his mind, he had no idea what it meant. He seemed to walk forever, not seeing another soul.
Suddenly, on the horizon, there stood a man. He was large and clad in dark armor, his back to him looking off into the distance. Sephiroth gauged the risk of approaching. He could see no visible weapon and he was confident in his sword skills.
“You,” he said, his voice filled with ice, “What is this place?”
The larger man turned towards him, towering over the slender swordsman. His armor was built to intimidate and to make him seem even larger than he already was. Although his face was obscured by a helmet, Sephiroth could sense his surprise.
“I do not know. Who are you?” he asked.
“I am Sephiroth.” he pulled out his blade and held out its length towards the other’s throat. The other turned fully to him, ready for a fight.
“I take it you are challenging me.” the large man asked, Sephiroth responded with a swing of his blade which was blocked. This felt right, in a world of nothing, at least there was war.
******
...One final sigh
As another love grows cold...
Sephiroth sometimes wondered what brought him back to this spot where he had first met Golbez. The battle had been fierce and they had both walked away worse for wear. He could feel something new stir, respect for another combatant. He could sense that he had only felt this way a few times before, and certainly not for that spiky haired brat that he had met in recent times here in this world. He knew that Warrior of Cosmos and himself must be from the same place. The desire to destroy him was more powerful than any of the other Cosmos warriors.
He disliked his charge, the orders to fight. He had always fought for his own ends and here was another seeking to bend him to his will. The God of Chaos may one day learn his mistake. It was his conversations with his ‘comrades’ that made this place tolerable, at least some of them anyway, he wanted to smash that annoying clown’s face into the wall.
Here he was, trapped in an endless cycle of warfare, adding his power to a force that would extinguish all of the light, filling the world with swirling darkness.
******
Once my heart beat to the rhythm of the falling snow
Blackened below...
It was a strange feeling to have memories of people and places that were not of the current world. He would be walking down a corridor or fighting an enemy and the flashes of memory would take over his mind, leaving him blind to everything else. There would be flashes of a life growing up in a military and people with lab coats. The word SOLDIER would take hold in his mind. There would be glimpses of other warriors, friends perhaps. Sometimes the memory would be so painful that he wanted to rip it to shreds and if he was fighting an opponent they would be annihilated on the spot.
He could remember emotion, an anger so extreme that it had made his vision go dark to only wake up when he was surrounded by fire and the screams of victims. Blood dripped off his blade turning the ground beneath it red...
He stared at the charred remains of some faceless Warrior of Cosmos, a victim of Supernova, and imagined what he must have been like in that other world. Was he a hero? Was he a villain? He sensed that at one point he had wanted to be a force for light and a force for good. What had happened to blacken his heart and cause the suffering he had inflicted upon his own world?
*******
For the heart I’ll never have...
Each battle was executed with a precision, systematic slaughter of all enemies. Occasionally he allowed them to limp away, to give him sport for another day. Even the mannequins that were created from the void did not escape his wrath. He watched as several of them disappeared into shimmering dust with a singular sweep of his long sword.
“Weak.” He had no respect for these shadows of himself or his enemies. He took special delight when they wore the faces of his comrades. He could give them every death he imagined giving to their originals. He felt a presence approach him, it was one of the few comrades he did not want to slice into a thousand pieces.
“Why do you destroy so much?” He looked behind his to see Golbez watching him from above, standing upon a shattered column. Sephiroth gazed at him cooly, no emotion on his fate.
“Perhaps I do so to make up for what your bleeding heart cannot destroy.” The larger man chuckled darkly, floating down to walk past him. His dark armor betrayed nothing of his mood.
“Perhaps, my heart commands me to choose my battles more carefully.”
“Well, you are lucky then, for I have no heart.”
*******
The music flows, because it longs
For the heart I once had...
He made it a point to seek out those memories, lost in this world of nothing. It was one day that he learned a harsh truth, that they would continuously lose their memories and be reborn in this world. They were pawns to forever fight in this war between the gods. He wasn’t sure if it was perhaps fate for those actions that he could only half remember in his own world, or perhaps it was a gift, a chance to fight over and over again for eternity.
Sometimes he would get glimpses of the past cycles in this world, how comrades had appeared only to disappear when the war cycle ended. He remembered one Warrior of Cosmos that had stared at him so defiantly as he considered carving her flesh for his memories. Battles often awoke his past and he could find the answers to his questions.
He sometimes wondered where it was along his life that he had lost his heart, he remembered being a hero once, when had that desire changed? One time he recalled someone who must have been his friend once, who had told him something terrible. Was that the time? He decided to dismiss it. He would no longer look towards the light, for that cruel heat had forsaken him. He would choose darkness, he had chosen Chaos.
“Do not stand so close to the light, you will get burned.” He would say to anyone who would listen, and he knew it to be true.
*******
Faded and torn...
Sephiroth watched as the Warriors of Cosmos arranged themselves before his allies and himself. He glanced at those he was told to fight besides. Few of them were worth such an honor, he felt. As a group they were beginning to look ragged, but the warriors they were about to face seemed to fare no better. He sighed, wondering what would break the cycle of endless war and endless orders. Would it be those heroes of light, or would it be one of the heroes of darkness? He held his sword before him and surveyed the slight damages it had taken, he would need to repair it again, or would it be fixed when they all disappeared and reappeared?
“Golbez, will you be able to destroy that pathetic little brother of yours this time around?” he asked to the man that stood nearby. The other turned to him, unreadable beneath that grand helmet.
“I do not yet know.”
“Perhaps I should destroy him for you.” he replied. Golbez was silent, turning his face away and staring out across the battlefield that they had seen hundreds of times.
“Or me!” added in Kefka, cackling and twirling around. Jecht slammed his sword into the ground, he wanted to end this battle quickly, not truly wanting to face his son. The others laughed in anticipation of another bloodbath or sighed in resignation, bored of the endless fight. Sephiroth sometimes wondered how he felt, after all his heart had died long ago, back on his own world.
******
I’ll believe and foresee...
“Sephiroth, do you have memories of home?”
“I am surprised you would ask such a sentimental question.”
“I know that your memories are what you are seeking so do not act as if I am the sentimental one.” Sephiroth smirked at the other man, who was in one of his rare vulnerable moments, when the helmet was discarded, his face revealed. The first time he had seen him without his armor he had not even recognized him. Now it was a common occurrence. He sat in relative ease next to a small campfire, his weapon close at hand. No one ever had theirs far from their person. Sephiroth sat on the other side of the fire, staring into the flickering flames, remembering the warmth of flames much larger and brighter. Flames that destroyed that horrible town where they had kept his mother.
“I do seek my memories, do you not seek yours?”
“I have many of mine, but they mostly just bring me sadness.”
“Mine also bring me pain and because of them I must destroy. I have been given a great slight in my world, and those from it must pay.”
“Even in this one? For some reason, here I find my anger dulled.”
“I find mine just as sharp.” said Sephiroth staring into the shining flames. Remembering screams and agony. It pushed him forward, wanting to know why, desiring the answer.
*******
Time will not heal... scars
Time will kill...
Sephiroth held his head in his hands, it couldn’t be true. How could he have done such a thing in his own world? And if he had, why had he been summoned here as a Warrior of Cosmos? He must have been good once and he tried to remember, tried to think back before the flames and the hatred. He tried to remember the companions that smiled at him, but they slipped from his mind before he could really see their faces. He felt a crack then, a fissure line that swept through the middle of his body, it would take one touch to shatter it.
“Sephiroth, what is wrong?”
He looked up at the other man, his ice blue eyes staring into the darkness of the black helmet, “Kain... I shouldn’t be here. I have done...”
“Done what?”
“Betrayal.” he replied, voice frozen solid as he pulled at his sword and pointed it at the other man, a warrior that was now his enemy.
“Sephiroth, what...?” Kain did not have time to finish his sentence as instinct caused him to raise his spear to block the attack.
“I am for Chaos now, and that was how it was meant to always be.”
******
For the heart I’ll never have
For the heart I once had...
Each of the cycles brought an endless parade of frustration and pain. Each time a memory got within his grasp it was quickly snatched away again. He would see a memory of not only this world, but his own, calling him back to be ruler of his land. He could sense that such a goal had been in his reach, was it because he was here that it was forever lost to him? Or was it something that had happened there, was that why he felt a nonsensical rage every time he saw that yellow-haired soldier? All he knew is that he would fight, destroy any hope in those Cosmos warrior’s eyes.
He gripped the hilt of his blade and observed his comrades, looking over the edge of the field at those that stood against Chaos. It felt simultaneously like the first time and the millionth. How many cycles had it been now? The first or the thousandth? He found that he didn’t care, the memories would come and go, ebb and flow like the Lifestream in the world he was stolen from.
He smirked, war was what he had been built for after all, and what better than a war that never ended?