I start to complain when there's no rain;
So I like to read a lot of dating advice columns. Possibly because I am clueless in romantic situations and possibly because it's good entertainment.
So on one of the blogs there is a woman, located in NYC, approximately twenty-six who writes the following:
"Umbrellad" is a new verb that all women should add to their man-hating vocabularies.
For those of you who just started reading this blog, a little recap:
I briefly dated a man who seemed very interested. We went out about five times, ended up having sex, and all things pointed in the boyfriend direction. On the morning after the fifth sleepover (a dark and rainy morning) as he was walking to work in a suit and I was walking home, he handed me his umbrella like a true gentleman. I, unaware of the gloomy future, walked home with his umbrella that morning smiling, wondering where I found such a chivalrous man in this cruel city. He never called again. That is what you call "being umbrellad."
So here I am, months later, testing out this online dating crap. You'd think that the majority of people who online date are seeking long-term companionship. But apparently, au contraire. Because once again, it appears that I have been umbrellad. As I said when I lost my umbrella virginity, these men don't owe me anything after one date, two dates, or even five dates. But they do need to refrain from candy coating things. Thus, umbrella-ing me.
Dog Lover, aka my first match.com date, seemed to really be interested. We had a fabulous brunch followed by a hug and an "I'll talk to you soon." Then followed 10 minutes later by a text asking what my plans were for the rest of the day. Then followed by texting till approximately 3 a.m. That was Saturday. Today is Thursday with no communication since. And so today, sensing I had already been umbrellad, I decided to take matters into my own hands.
"If you're not too busy going out with 45-year-old match.com dates, wanna hang out this weekend?" I asked.
About 10 minutes later, Dog Lover wrote back: "Unfortunately, I'm in Philly this weekend :("
I could be girly and analyze this text in a "He's Just Not That Into You" fashion. Feelings of self-assurance could arise from his word usage of "unfortunately" and the sad face at the end, but I'm frankly sick of being umbrellad. If this man was really interested, he would have a) text messaged, e-mailed, or called me during the week and b) ended his text with, "but we should hang out when I get back."
Because at age 25.8, I really don't have time for this type of man anymore who dances in a gray area and acts interested but never follows through. In the midst of this rejection text from Dog Lover, I received a follow-up e-mail from Lawyer (the day after our first date) and an initial phone call from Freelance guy, both asking if I wanted to have dinner next week.
And suddenly I realized, these are the real men, ladies. These are the men who will hold the umbrella for you in the rain instead of handing it off to you and running away like pussy boys, afraid of a little lightning.
On the surface this seems empowering and all "yaaay the right person is out there for me! SOMEWHERE!" But when I read it over all I can think of is the fact that only five days have passed before she is annoyed with the guy. FIVE DAYS. That isn't long at all! So yeah you had five awesome dates... that doesn't mean someone is required to communicate with you daily! I can probably go two weeks without any communication with my dearest friends. Maybe he got busy... maybe he really was in Philly and when you sent him that text he was with his boss and didn't have time to add the whole "let's hang out later" bit cause he doesn't have a qwerty keyboard phone. MAYBE HE ONLY HAS A CRAPPY FLIP PHONE. Seriously all of these female blogs bitch about how texting is waaay less personal than a call etc etc but then to be so critical of a text response? Psh. Hypocrite. If texting = impersonal then you cannot expect an awesome perfect response via text. If she liked him so much WHY DIDN'T SHE FUCKING CALL HIM?
That being said, some of the entries on that blog are pretty good so you should check it out if you ever ponder the philosophicalness of dating.
So on one of the blogs there is a woman, located in NYC, approximately twenty-six who writes the following:
"Umbrellad" is a new verb that all women should add to their man-hating vocabularies.
For those of you who just started reading this blog, a little recap:
I briefly dated a man who seemed very interested. We went out about five times, ended up having sex, and all things pointed in the boyfriend direction. On the morning after the fifth sleepover (a dark and rainy morning) as he was walking to work in a suit and I was walking home, he handed me his umbrella like a true gentleman. I, unaware of the gloomy future, walked home with his umbrella that morning smiling, wondering where I found such a chivalrous man in this cruel city. He never called again. That is what you call "being umbrellad."
So here I am, months later, testing out this online dating crap. You'd think that the majority of people who online date are seeking long-term companionship. But apparently, au contraire. Because once again, it appears that I have been umbrellad. As I said when I lost my umbrella virginity, these men don't owe me anything after one date, two dates, or even five dates. But they do need to refrain from candy coating things. Thus, umbrella-ing me.
Dog Lover, aka my first match.com date, seemed to really be interested. We had a fabulous brunch followed by a hug and an "I'll talk to you soon." Then followed 10 minutes later by a text asking what my plans were for the rest of the day. Then followed by texting till approximately 3 a.m. That was Saturday. Today is Thursday with no communication since. And so today, sensing I had already been umbrellad, I decided to take matters into my own hands.
"If you're not too busy going out with 45-year-old match.com dates, wanna hang out this weekend?" I asked.
About 10 minutes later, Dog Lover wrote back: "Unfortunately, I'm in Philly this weekend :("
I could be girly and analyze this text in a "He's Just Not That Into You" fashion. Feelings of self-assurance could arise from his word usage of "unfortunately" and the sad face at the end, but I'm frankly sick of being umbrellad. If this man was really interested, he would have a) text messaged, e-mailed, or called me during the week and b) ended his text with, "but we should hang out when I get back."
Because at age 25.8, I really don't have time for this type of man anymore who dances in a gray area and acts interested but never follows through. In the midst of this rejection text from Dog Lover, I received a follow-up e-mail from Lawyer (the day after our first date) and an initial phone call from Freelance guy, both asking if I wanted to have dinner next week.
And suddenly I realized, these are the real men, ladies. These are the men who will hold the umbrella for you in the rain instead of handing it off to you and running away like pussy boys, afraid of a little lightning.
On the surface this seems empowering and all "yaaay the right person is out there for me! SOMEWHERE!" But when I read it over all I can think of is the fact that only five days have passed before she is annoyed with the guy. FIVE DAYS. That isn't long at all! So yeah you had five awesome dates... that doesn't mean someone is required to communicate with you daily! I can probably go two weeks without any communication with my dearest friends. Maybe he got busy... maybe he really was in Philly and when you sent him that text he was with his boss and didn't have time to add the whole "let's hang out later" bit cause he doesn't have a qwerty keyboard phone. MAYBE HE ONLY HAS A CRAPPY FLIP PHONE. Seriously all of these female blogs bitch about how texting is waaay less personal than a call etc etc but then to be so critical of a text response? Psh. Hypocrite. If texting = impersonal then you cannot expect an awesome perfect response via text. If she liked him so much WHY DIDN'T SHE FUCKING CALL HIM?
That being said, some of the entries on that blog are pretty good so you should check it out if you ever ponder the philosophicalness of dating.