Undergoing Treatment
We are undergoing treatment
Will the doctors ever cure
These delusions of grandeur?
- Duran Duran "Undergoing Treatment"
I am on Paxil again. This is going to be a good thing. It will smooth out the edges. But right now, it's hitting me like E does. I literally peaked, and spent about an hour just rolling. I'm laughing and smiling and I can't stop. This is cool, because I spent several hours filled with a sense of impending doom, and the sensation of wanting to hurl. As soon as the peak hit, all that bad stuff went away, and it's been nothing but good since.
I mean good. KiSA and I still talk. Granted, not as much as we used to, but he's busy with his stuff, and the holidays. Anyways, I mentioned the E feeling I was having and he wanted to see it. We met up in the room. He looked like he was ready to leave but was just standing there while I climbed up on table. I told him to run. What I said was, "Run, little man, run." Cause my instinct was to push him up against the wall and run my hands all over him. He just looks at me when I say that and asks why. I tell him because I said to, and I tell him to run again. Instead of leaving he just stands there. I hop off the table and push him up against the wall and let my fingers do the walking. Oh happy day. He lets me do whatever I want, but I am a good girl and don't take any more advantage than he has already let me take. Plus, he's standing tall enough that I can't reach his mouth to kiss him just because he knows it will annoy me. He lets he hold on to him, and I say "Poor KiSA, I won't leave you alone." He says it's ok, he could push me away if he felt he needed to. I say that I meant ever, and he says he did too, that he doesn't feel the need to push me away. I tell him that I miss him, and he says he misses me too. I know he does. It's so nice to just stand there with his arms around me.
I'm coming down off the roll, and am getting sleepy. The afterglow is pleasant though. I don't remember Paxil ever being this strong before. Or mimicking E to such an extent. Eventually I'll develop a tolerance to it, and it won't have this effect on me when I take it, but oh, I wish it would. Can you imagine having this wonderful feeling once a day?
This whole Paxil thing isn't entirely about KiSA. Things were going skewed for a while in ways that have nothing to do with him. He was just sorta the breaking point that made it necessary to go back on for a while. This will dull things for a bit while I wait for whatever will happen to happen. I have other stuff to talk about, been piling up for days, but I'm really starting to feel sleepy and lethargic, so this is it for now.
Will the doctors ever cure
These delusions of grandeur?
- Duran Duran "Undergoing Treatment"
I am on Paxil again. This is going to be a good thing. It will smooth out the edges. But right now, it's hitting me like E does. I literally peaked, and spent about an hour just rolling. I'm laughing and smiling and I can't stop. This is cool, because I spent several hours filled with a sense of impending doom, and the sensation of wanting to hurl. As soon as the peak hit, all that bad stuff went away, and it's been nothing but good since.
I mean good. KiSA and I still talk. Granted, not as much as we used to, but he's busy with his stuff, and the holidays. Anyways, I mentioned the E feeling I was having and he wanted to see it. We met up in the room. He looked like he was ready to leave but was just standing there while I climbed up on table. I told him to run. What I said was, "Run, little man, run." Cause my instinct was to push him up against the wall and run my hands all over him. He just looks at me when I say that and asks why. I tell him because I said to, and I tell him to run again. Instead of leaving he just stands there. I hop off the table and push him up against the wall and let my fingers do the walking. Oh happy day. He lets me do whatever I want, but I am a good girl and don't take any more advantage than he has already let me take. Plus, he's standing tall enough that I can't reach his mouth to kiss him just because he knows it will annoy me. He lets he hold on to him, and I say "Poor KiSA, I won't leave you alone." He says it's ok, he could push me away if he felt he needed to. I say that I meant ever, and he says he did too, that he doesn't feel the need to push me away. I tell him that I miss him, and he says he misses me too. I know he does. It's so nice to just stand there with his arms around me.
I'm coming down off the roll, and am getting sleepy. The afterglow is pleasant though. I don't remember Paxil ever being this strong before. Or mimicking E to such an extent. Eventually I'll develop a tolerance to it, and it won't have this effect on me when I take it, but oh, I wish it would. Can you imagine having this wonderful feeling once a day?
This whole Paxil thing isn't entirely about KiSA. Things were going skewed for a while in ways that have nothing to do with him. He was just sorta the breaking point that made it necessary to go back on for a while. This will dull things for a bit while I wait for whatever will happen to happen. I have other stuff to talk about, been piling up for days, but I'm really starting to feel sleepy and lethargic, so this is it for now.