Really nice description and detail throughout. I think you nailed it in the first stanza.
I was sort of thrown by "the wedding warehouse puts on his sweater" - didn't know what you were referring to. I'm guessing "cartography" in the last stanza should be capitalized. Small details.
I'm hoping reading more good stuff like this will spur me out of the writing slump I've been in.
it's all roseross, of course. and whoever said "no ideas but in things". i wonder if the physical stuff is just dressing, ornament. I'm really trying to use images that further the point. Here of course, with a wedding (fear of being constricted, that there is still freedom within boundaries) it shows up with a boxed hall, crated books, the man chafing in his suit etc. but i'm still very unsatisfied - i may do a big revision later on and try to squash it down into a sonnet or something. eugh. Thanks for the critiques. I'll change the caps right away, and consider that there is one strike against the sweater line when i do the second draft.
Hmm. I may have said I was married in a facetious way, like we're an "old married couple". I do say that sometimes. But actually, I've been living in sin with the same guy for 7 1/2 years, and he has yet to make an honest woman of me.
Comments 9
an invented and reinventing dance.
This so perfect and so right; does that make sense?
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May holding and having always be
an invented and reinventing dance.
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I was sort of thrown by "the wedding warehouse puts on his sweater" - didn't know what you were referring to. I'm guessing "cartography" in the last stanza should be capitalized. Small details.
I'm hoping reading more good stuff like this will spur me out of the writing slump I've been in.
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but don't go too imagist on us, ok? :)
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Beautiful, really relaxed and emotional.
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I think you mentioned that you were married. Did you have a tux style ceremony/reception?
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