(no subject)
i'm really mad at myself. more like disgusted with myself.
i went to the gym tonight. and i havent been there for a few weeks. i've also have been binging nightly/daily for the past few months, and as a result, i have gained 30 lbs. that scares the shit out of me. because, i'm awfully close to being one of those people you see on those tlc shows. ya know, the ones that cant get out of bed, and just eat and eat all day. then they gotta be taken out of the house, through the wall. i dont want that to be me.
something weird happened tonight while i was at the gym. i used to see skinny girls, and think "not fair, i bet she has guys that like her, and she gets to wear those cute clothes, and i bet she has tons of friends." and tonight i was thinking "not fair, i bet she can breathe easy on that elliptical machine, and i bet she can walk up a flight of steps without getting a headache. and i bet her ankles dont hurt constantly everyday. and i bet she can fit into any kind of seat or whatever she wants to." that also scared me. cuz my fears went from being stupid vanity type shit, to actual, life and death fears.
so yeah. i gots some work to do on this body of mine.
and plus, i'm going to see kathleen in august. and i reeeeally wanna lose more weight by then.
so yeah. i feel ashamed, but, i'm gonna do something about it this time. for real.
you'll never see another post like this again...
i went to the gym tonight. and i havent been there for a few weeks. i've also have been binging nightly/daily for the past few months, and as a result, i have gained 30 lbs. that scares the shit out of me. because, i'm awfully close to being one of those people you see on those tlc shows. ya know, the ones that cant get out of bed, and just eat and eat all day. then they gotta be taken out of the house, through the wall. i dont want that to be me.
something weird happened tonight while i was at the gym. i used to see skinny girls, and think "not fair, i bet she has guys that like her, and she gets to wear those cute clothes, and i bet she has tons of friends." and tonight i was thinking "not fair, i bet she can breathe easy on that elliptical machine, and i bet she can walk up a flight of steps without getting a headache. and i bet her ankles dont hurt constantly everyday. and i bet she can fit into any kind of seat or whatever she wants to." that also scared me. cuz my fears went from being stupid vanity type shit, to actual, life and death fears.
so yeah. i gots some work to do on this body of mine.
and plus, i'm going to see kathleen in august. and i reeeeally wanna lose more weight by then.
so yeah. i feel ashamed, but, i'm gonna do something about it this time. for real.
you'll never see another post like this again...