finally another post
I think I need to write more. And i enjoy people reading my writing so please...comment.
Lately I have been a big ball of mush...emotional confusing mush. And let me just say that I fucking hate that I could ever let somebody do this to me. All i keep hearing all the time is hannah you are a dependent person...WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THAT!? WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME!??? yes sure okay...it does make me more vulnerable to get hurt...point in case speedie.yea sure it makes it alot easier for people to affect me, i am not as "tough" i suppose as some people believe they are. fuck it. it makes me open. it makes me love. it makes me risk. it makes me passionate. it makes me care. it makes me enjoy people. Speedie hurt me really badly and I wish I could tell him this. A part of me really wants to make him feel bad for fucking me up so badly. I am ANGRY at him. I dont get angry very easily. But i think i am more angry at the fact that he is okay, and he was able to turn my world upside down and he is okay.
-I also have many metaphysical questions going on. Like, what type of God do I believe in. Do I beleive in the typical God in heaven, Satan below. I am just confused. But I know I believe in God. I don'tt like being confused. I don't like not knowing what I am supposed to do. I used to be able to just feel right about things, I used to have a strong sense of intuition. Where did that go? I got my tarot cards read at Bottom of the Cup Tea Room in New Orleans yesterday. It was interesting. Basically, I knew everything she told me. mainly it was about letting go. The card the Tower was in my past. It couldnt have been in a better place. I know I have a purpose here. I just need to have faith. I am finding out now that faith, joy, and trust are choices we make.
-Speedie made love into such a bad thnig for me....it hurts when people tell me they love me now. Literally, my heart HURTS when people tell me they love me. How can I open my heart again. I guess it just takes time and effort and faith...more choices.
-I just need to learn to trust people again. to know that there are people who will always be there for me, that I can rely on people to love me. I need to just let go of the past. All easy and hard at the same time.
- It is okay to believe in what I believe to trust in what I trust to take my time with things.
The Tower is Behind Me.
Lately I have been a big ball of mush...emotional confusing mush. And let me just say that I fucking hate that I could ever let somebody do this to me. All i keep hearing all the time is hannah you are a dependent person...WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THAT!? WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME!??? yes sure okay...it does make me more vulnerable to get hurt...point in case speedie.yea sure it makes it alot easier for people to affect me, i am not as "tough" i suppose as some people believe they are. fuck it. it makes me open. it makes me love. it makes me risk. it makes me passionate. it makes me care. it makes me enjoy people. Speedie hurt me really badly and I wish I could tell him this. A part of me really wants to make him feel bad for fucking me up so badly. I am ANGRY at him. I dont get angry very easily. But i think i am more angry at the fact that he is okay, and he was able to turn my world upside down and he is okay.
-I also have many metaphysical questions going on. Like, what type of God do I believe in. Do I beleive in the typical God in heaven, Satan below. I am just confused. But I know I believe in God. I don'tt like being confused. I don't like not knowing what I am supposed to do. I used to be able to just feel right about things, I used to have a strong sense of intuition. Where did that go? I got my tarot cards read at Bottom of the Cup Tea Room in New Orleans yesterday. It was interesting. Basically, I knew everything she told me. mainly it was about letting go. The card the Tower was in my past. It couldnt have been in a better place. I know I have a purpose here. I just need to have faith. I am finding out now that faith, joy, and trust are choices we make.
-Speedie made love into such a bad thnig for me....it hurts when people tell me they love me now. Literally, my heart HURTS when people tell me they love me. How can I open my heart again. I guess it just takes time and effort and faith...more choices.
-I just need to learn to trust people again. to know that there are people who will always be there for me, that I can rely on people to love me. I need to just let go of the past. All easy and hard at the same time.
- It is okay to believe in what I believe to trust in what I trust to take my time with things.
The Tower is Behind Me.