meeting you is fun
lately i've just been so happy.
i've also realized or re-learned what it is to truly open myself up to a person again. it is strange how we can think we are so aware of ourselves and yet be so unaware the whole time until we find the truth of what was really happening. i think that i've had a wall built up that i had no idea existed...and i think it had alot to do with me denying some of the things i was feeling but was making myself believe i wasn't...because i'm so tough you see ;) but now i just ... it is nice to be able to sigh around someone and just relax...it is nice to laugh with someone and be playful and young and flirtacious and sexy and completely unattractive yet confident all at the same time. it is nice to feel vulnerable again, yet really safe in my vulnerability. i forgot what it felt like to be completely open with someone, so much that i thought i was being completely open. and i feel refreshed and i feel lucky and i feel really simple and content. i am ready for something new, now that i feel i have finally shaken off the last of my armor from a past war, being home has been the final battle for me...and it was really draining and exhausting and very dark for a while...but i am finished with it and i am almost bubbling with anticipation. to be so content with just hanging out with one other person and just having it feel right...it is one of the most luckiest happenings in life.
i've also realized or re-learned what it is to truly open myself up to a person again. it is strange how we can think we are so aware of ourselves and yet be so unaware the whole time until we find the truth of what was really happening. i think that i've had a wall built up that i had no idea existed...and i think it had alot to do with me denying some of the things i was feeling but was making myself believe i wasn't...because i'm so tough you see ;) but now i just ... it is nice to be able to sigh around someone and just relax...it is nice to laugh with someone and be playful and young and flirtacious and sexy and completely unattractive yet confident all at the same time. it is nice to feel vulnerable again, yet really safe in my vulnerability. i forgot what it felt like to be completely open with someone, so much that i thought i was being completely open. and i feel refreshed and i feel lucky and i feel really simple and content. i am ready for something new, now that i feel i have finally shaken off the last of my armor from a past war, being home has been the final battle for me...and it was really draining and exhausting and very dark for a while...but i am finished with it and i am almost bubbling with anticipation. to be so content with just hanging out with one other person and just having it feel right...it is one of the most luckiest happenings in life.