(no subject)
I havent even looked at livejournal in... months. I dont know exactly why I stopped, probably became disinterested, had better things to do.
For a little while there i had a really good looking distraction.
Today, for unknown reasons, while i was trying to write a paper on the economic viability of imperialism in a post modern world and the politics of racism, I was procrastinating and came here.
I have been living in Budapest for 2 months now.
It feels longer.
Its amazing here.
I am having a great time.
I am better here than in Denton.
but,
but,
but,
No man is an island.
I miss my friends, and with the exception of whats-his-face, who I probably talk to too much, I feel like most of my friends have more or less forgotten me.
which of course is dramatic.
and me being.... MOPEY.
but its kind of hard living an ocean and 5 different languages and cultures and time zones away. without any REAL friends here, you know friends who dont hang out with you because they dont have any REAL friends. friends who dont think you are a "hippy" and wierd, just because of the way you dress or the fact that you dont shave your legs or eat meat.
I sent about 30 postcards at the beginning of this month, either none of them arrived to their destinations, or...
yeah.
I know part of this is because I spent the majority of my summer in Lubbock, each time I visited, the jokes were less funny to me, and i had less in common with them. especially since I had to stop drinking as much.
and now, it will be an entire year without seeing any of them.
An entire year, with me being 50% alone and 50% with people I only enjoy when i am drunk.
This christmas I have a month and a half off for break. I am going to spend 75% of it... alone. traveling to different places in europe.
Nothing is going to stop me, and I know that i will enjoy myself and not regret it... but... i am not accustomed to that much solitude.
You know I keep running away thinking that when i get somewhere new, i will miraculously figure everything out.
The world and my purpose and everything will be clear.
but, I am starting to realize that this doesnt just happen.
I think I will probably never "figure things out"
and then.. there is the whole long distance relationship, which i should be shot for even bringing up.
I mean is it wierd to talk to your ex-boyfriend (who you still love(gag)) everyday?
god. that should be the least of my problems.
and maybe it is, but its my favorite. I would much rather think about "boy problems" than any of my real problems.
I tried to make it a point not to talk about Jon too much. I have a tendency to do that.
But i do miss him. alot. and kind of secretly wish he were here with me. (although I do not wish i were there with him)
I suppose as always, this is extremely pointless, and only like three of my friends still use this, so no one will read it,
which kind of proves my point about being alone.
whatever. its good for me.
life lessons right?
you arent always surrounded by loud drunk people who know everything about you but still love you anyway.
now, when I am with people, I am surrounded by people who are slightly LESS drunk than me and dont know anything about me but dislike and judge me anyway!
well hot damn.
For a little while there i had a really good looking distraction.
Today, for unknown reasons, while i was trying to write a paper on the economic viability of imperialism in a post modern world and the politics of racism, I was procrastinating and came here.
I have been living in Budapest for 2 months now.
It feels longer.
Its amazing here.
I am having a great time.
I am better here than in Denton.
but,
but,
but,
No man is an island.
I miss my friends, and with the exception of whats-his-face, who I probably talk to too much, I feel like most of my friends have more or less forgotten me.
which of course is dramatic.
and me being.... MOPEY.
but its kind of hard living an ocean and 5 different languages and cultures and time zones away. without any REAL friends here, you know friends who dont hang out with you because they dont have any REAL friends. friends who dont think you are a "hippy" and wierd, just because of the way you dress or the fact that you dont shave your legs or eat meat.
I sent about 30 postcards at the beginning of this month, either none of them arrived to their destinations, or...
yeah.
I know part of this is because I spent the majority of my summer in Lubbock, each time I visited, the jokes were less funny to me, and i had less in common with them. especially since I had to stop drinking as much.
and now, it will be an entire year without seeing any of them.
An entire year, with me being 50% alone and 50% with people I only enjoy when i am drunk.
This christmas I have a month and a half off for break. I am going to spend 75% of it... alone. traveling to different places in europe.
Nothing is going to stop me, and I know that i will enjoy myself and not regret it... but... i am not accustomed to that much solitude.
You know I keep running away thinking that when i get somewhere new, i will miraculously figure everything out.
The world and my purpose and everything will be clear.
but, I am starting to realize that this doesnt just happen.
I think I will probably never "figure things out"
and then.. there is the whole long distance relationship, which i should be shot for even bringing up.
I mean is it wierd to talk to your ex-boyfriend (who you still love(gag)) everyday?
god. that should be the least of my problems.
and maybe it is, but its my favorite. I would much rather think about "boy problems" than any of my real problems.
I tried to make it a point not to talk about Jon too much. I have a tendency to do that.
But i do miss him. alot. and kind of secretly wish he were here with me. (although I do not wish i were there with him)
I suppose as always, this is extremely pointless, and only like three of my friends still use this, so no one will read it,
which kind of proves my point about being alone.
whatever. its good for me.
life lessons right?
you arent always surrounded by loud drunk people who know everything about you but still love you anyway.
now, when I am with people, I am surrounded by people who are slightly LESS drunk than me and dont know anything about me but dislike and judge me anyway!
well hot damn.