When You Face Tomorrow- Chapter 24 (Kyuhyun's Story)
Author: Shriya_4
Pairing: Jaemin/Homin/Yoomin/Minsu (mainly OT5)
Genre: Fantasy, Romance, AU
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Character Death, Language
Disclaimer: I want to own them and marry them..but i can't so well..they belong to themselves. This is my first fic so be nice :P Saranghe <3
Summary: Reuniting them is his one last wish. Can he make them face a tomorrow without him?
Chapter 24:
Kyuhyun walked along the deserted, yet eerily beautiful graveyard, embracing the overwhelming feeling of tragedy and delusion that surrounded his mind and heart.
He had still to grasp the inevitable and mind numbing loss of his best friend.
There were so many things that happened in such a short amount of time.
A life time of personalities and secrets unfurled from their cocoon of trapped fate.
So many things had happened the way they weren’t supposed to…
Time…
Time had changed many things in their lives…
Time had destroyed and harmed so many people…
Time had fixed and saved all their lives…
But tragedy is tragedy no matter which angle you look at it from.
FLASHBACK:
“Kyuhyun-ah… life can be pretty destructive right?”
Kyhyun looked up from his book and stared at Changmin, who had until then, been staring out the window, reveling in his own thoughts.
“Embracing our philosophical sides are we?”
Changmin turned towards his friend and grinned, “Shut up, Asshole. I’m known as the deep thinker for a reason.”
Kyu winked at Min and laughed before answering his previous question, “Life can be pretty destructive when it wants to be…but I suppose it can be amazing and liberating as well.”
“Hmm…I think it all comes down to choices…the bad ones, the good ones, the great ones and the horrible ones.”
Kyuhyun got up from his perch by the bed and sidled under the covers next to Min.
“He’s cheating on me, Kyu…Jaejoong-hyung…he’s in love with Yunho.”
“…How do you know?”
“I know him. I know them. I can see it in their eyes…in their guilt…in their desperation…in their sorrow…It’s there Kyu-ah, it’s all there for the world to see”
“I’ll kill him.”
Changmin would have laughed at the threat had it not been said so simply.
“…I forgive him…at least I think I do…I can’t hate him…I can’t hate them…”
“Then let me hate them enough for the both of us.”
Changmin turned and looked at his best friend, “Kyu, let me do this, okay…?
…Humor me for a second, alright?”
Kyuhyun’s eyes narrowed in confusion but widened in paralyzed shock as he felt Changmin press his lips against his own.
He stayed still as he waited for Changmin to pull away and nearly choked when he felt tears that were not his own drench his cheeks.
He pulled away and yanked Changmin’s head against his chest and let the boy cry his heart out.
“I-I still Love him, Kyu, I still love him…God dammit…shit…shit…shit …I still love him.”
Kyuhyun closed his eyes against the pain in his friend’s voice and gritted his teeth in suppressed rage.
“I know, Min…Fuck…I know…”
Kyuhyun hunched over his best friend and held him for all that he was worth, trying desperately to protect him from everything that was hurting him…but only managing to emulate the boy’s gut wrenching sobs with some of his own.
END FLASHBACK
He spotted the grave-stone and sat down unceremoniously in front of it.
He reached out and traced his fingers along the words that represented his friend’s existence in this world…The words that remained as sole evidence that there indeed was a person named Shim Changmin…and that he was indeed his best friend and brother.
FLASHBACK
Jaejoong and Yunho sat on opposite sides of Changmin’s bed and held onto his hands. They smiled uncomfortably and tried to engage the younger one in conversation, all the while stealing quiet, pained glances at each other.
Kyuhyun stood in one corner of the room and stared at the two older members with disgust.
He felt his heart clench at the defeated look in Changmin’s eyes and felt his resentment towards them grow that much more.
The older ones thought that they had hidden their secret well, but in their oblivious state of mind they’d managed to hurt their Maknae even more…and this was something that Kyuhyun found hard to forgive…let alone ignore.
As if sensing his thoughts, Changmin looked up at Kyuhyun and smiled a forlorn smile, almost as if saying, “It’s done, Kyu…you can’t force people into doing things your way…this is life...this is how it’s supposed to fuck you over.”
When the two of them had left, Kyuhyun walked over to Changmin and touched their foreheads together, “How long are you going to do this to yourself…how long are you going to let them hurt you?”
Min smiled through his tears and ran a hand through his friends hair comfortingly, “I’m dying, Kyuhyun-ah…this isn’t a fight that I can afford to have or even have the stamina to continue or live up to…this is my fate…this is how it’s supposed to be…”
“That’s it…that’s it?! You’re just going to sit back and let those two fuck each other behind your back?! That fucking Jaejoong should just come out and say it to your face…not…God…not…”
Changmin turned towards Kyuhyun and looked at him seriously, “Would you be able to? If you were in his place would you be able to come out and tell your dying boyfriend that you were in love with the closest thing he had to a brother? Jaejoong…he’s amazing…and I mean this in every way that it can be taken…He…he loves me…I know he does…but he loves me in a way that’s somewhat similar and different than he does Yunho-hyung. He loves me heart, mind, body and soul…but he loves Yunho the same way…the only difference I suppose is that Yunho protects him…he feels safe with Yunho…but with me…he’s always felt adventerous…deceitful…cunning…alive…” Changmin let out a depreciating laugh and continued, “But now…now...I think he wants to be protected…safe from all the pain and suffering he’s bound to face.”
Kyuhyun stared at Changmin, “You…that was such a Changmin thing to say…I don’t know how you do it…but you’re amazing you know that, right? You are beyond amazing…”
Changmin laughed and reached over to the side table and picked up two relatively large card-board boxes.
“Put this into my dressing table drawer. It contains everything I’ve ever wanted to say to them…and this one…I want you to keep it. It contains blackmail material and some other stuff you’ll know what to do with when the time comes…and…just do me one favor...when I’m gone…torture them …blackmail them…and make them suffer just like I would…at least for a little while.”
Kyuhyun smacked his hand against his head and laughed, “Just when I thought I was losing out in the race for maturity…you stupid, petty bastard…”
He took the boxes from Changmin's hands and walked towards the door but stopped when he heard Changmin call out to him once more, “Kyu!...”
“What?”
“I love you.”
Kyuhyun smiled and turned to leave, “I love you too, you stupid bastard.”
END FLASHBACK
Kyuhyun smiled at the memory.
He let his thoughts wander and began to think about the day his friend had finally left him for good.
FLASHBACK
He ran along the hospital corridor and came to a halt when he saw a stretcher being pulled out of Changmin's room.
A white shroud covered the still body...and he knew...
It was over.
He looked up slowly at the sobbing brothers that now clung to each other with everything that they had.
He looked at their faces and felt something within him burn out.
He slid down to the floor and cried...
Cried even while he felt four pairs of arms wrap themselves around him...
Cried while he thought about how his best friend would never be held the same way again...
It was over....
It really really was.
END FLASHBACK.
Kyuhyun pressed the heel of his palms into his eyes and brushed away the stray tears.
He had to stop...he knew...he couldn't continue to relive the memories that would destroy him.
The memories that made him feel like there was nothing more to his life.
He felt a strong gust of wind push against his back and groaned before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a folded, worn out piece of paper.
He opened it and read the same words for the hundredth time…
Kyuhyun-ah,
You’re reading this because I’m probably not there anymore, right?
Yah. You better not be acting like an emo-bitch.
I swear to God you’re my soul-brother for a reason…did you make them cry yet? Comment on Junsu’s ass…that should piss him off…oh and Yunho…comment on his creepy stuffed toy fetish…Yoochun’s forehead…Jaejoong’s feminine looks…that’ll really get to them…
I’m rambling aren’t I? Sorry…You already know this…but still…how can I write this letter knowing that it’s the last one that I’ll ever write…
Ahhhhh! Kyuhyun…this is so frustrating!!!
Kyuhyun laughed at the erratic style of writing, “Yah! You bastard…you gave them nice, awe inspiring letters and you give me a scrap of paper filled with nonsensical rambling?”
I made you laugh…I know I did…muhahahhahahahahhaha….*cough* *cough*…
Ok…serious...we’ll get serious..
Kyu-yah? You know I love you, right? More than life sometimes…you’re my brother and best-friend …and I don’t want you to forget that…
I left you alone…
I didn’t mean to…you know that, right?
This letter is fairly pointless…
Our relationship has never been based on words…
The reason why I wrote this…I suppose in a way I don’t want to say good-bye…not to you…not to the other four…not to Minho…not to my family…I don’t want to go Kyu-yah…
But I have to…
I have to go…
That’s why…I suppose this isn’t anything but a means to say good-bye…
I tried in every way to give the others closure…to tell them that it was okay to be the way they wanted to be…
But I can’t do that to you…because you already know…you’ve always known…
So should I just say “Good-bye” and end this letter?
Should I say, “Let’s meet again?”
Yes.
This is good-bye…
Yes, we will meet again…
Maybe not in this life…but probably in the next…
There will be times where you will think that you won’t be able to survive something…but I know that you will survive…
You will survive this life and live it to its fullest extent…
When you face tomorrow, you WILL face it with your strength and sense of self. You WILL continue to live your dreams and never look back and ask yourself “what if”.
Kyu-yah…you are meant for the greatest of things…you are meant to stand before your ocean of blue and say, “I’M KYUHYUN! THIS IS MY DOMAIN…THIS IS MY SUPER JUNIOR.”
Kyu, be happy from now on. Super Junior Is as much yours as it is the others…so never ever think otherwise…
Become great, Kyu…
This is your life…keep it…savor it…protect it…
I love you…For this life and the hundred others to come…
I’ll see you in hell,
Changmin.
Kyuhyun leaned his head on his knees and felt a cool breeze brush up against his arm and neck.
I know…
I can feel you, you idiot.
Your hyungs…
I promise I’ll protect them…I won’t let them get hurt…
I won’t look back anymore.
I won’t give up…
We’ll see each other one day…
We’ll meet in hell…and we’ll burn corpses together, asshole…that I promise…
So go…Min…
Changmin.
Saranghe.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
A/N...O_O ...that's all im capable of doing right now...I tried ...I really did...I just hope it delivered...
The epilogue is next...and it's going to be pretty awesome...so look forward to it <3
Pairing: Jaemin/Homin/Yoomin/Minsu (mainly OT5)
Genre: Fantasy, Romance, AU
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Character Death, Language
Disclaimer: I want to own them and marry them..but i can't so well..they belong to themselves. This is my first fic so be nice :P Saranghe <3
Summary: Reuniting them is his one last wish. Can he make them face a tomorrow without him?
Chapter 24:
Kyuhyun walked along the deserted, yet eerily beautiful graveyard, embracing the overwhelming feeling of tragedy and delusion that surrounded his mind and heart.
He had still to grasp the inevitable and mind numbing loss of his best friend.
There were so many things that happened in such a short amount of time.
A life time of personalities and secrets unfurled from their cocoon of trapped fate.
So many things had happened the way they weren’t supposed to…
Time…
Time had changed many things in their lives…
Time had destroyed and harmed so many people…
Time had fixed and saved all their lives…
But tragedy is tragedy no matter which angle you look at it from.
FLASHBACK:
“Kyuhyun-ah… life can be pretty destructive right?”
Kyhyun looked up from his book and stared at Changmin, who had until then, been staring out the window, reveling in his own thoughts.
“Embracing our philosophical sides are we?”
Changmin turned towards his friend and grinned, “Shut up, Asshole. I’m known as the deep thinker for a reason.”
Kyu winked at Min and laughed before answering his previous question, “Life can be pretty destructive when it wants to be…but I suppose it can be amazing and liberating as well.”
“Hmm…I think it all comes down to choices…the bad ones, the good ones, the great ones and the horrible ones.”
Kyuhyun got up from his perch by the bed and sidled under the covers next to Min.
“He’s cheating on me, Kyu…Jaejoong-hyung…he’s in love with Yunho.”
“…How do you know?”
“I know him. I know them. I can see it in their eyes…in their guilt…in their desperation…in their sorrow…It’s there Kyu-ah, it’s all there for the world to see”
“I’ll kill him.”
Changmin would have laughed at the threat had it not been said so simply.
“…I forgive him…at least I think I do…I can’t hate him…I can’t hate them…”
“Then let me hate them enough for the both of us.”
Changmin turned and looked at his best friend, “Kyu, let me do this, okay…?
…Humor me for a second, alright?”
Kyuhyun’s eyes narrowed in confusion but widened in paralyzed shock as he felt Changmin press his lips against his own.
He stayed still as he waited for Changmin to pull away and nearly choked when he felt tears that were not his own drench his cheeks.
He pulled away and yanked Changmin’s head against his chest and let the boy cry his heart out.
“I-I still Love him, Kyu, I still love him…God dammit…shit…shit…shit …I still love him.”
Kyuhyun closed his eyes against the pain in his friend’s voice and gritted his teeth in suppressed rage.
“I know, Min…Fuck…I know…”
Kyuhyun hunched over his best friend and held him for all that he was worth, trying desperately to protect him from everything that was hurting him…but only managing to emulate the boy’s gut wrenching sobs with some of his own.
END FLASHBACK
He spotted the grave-stone and sat down unceremoniously in front of it.
He reached out and traced his fingers along the words that represented his friend’s existence in this world…The words that remained as sole evidence that there indeed was a person named Shim Changmin…and that he was indeed his best friend and brother.
FLASHBACK
Jaejoong and Yunho sat on opposite sides of Changmin’s bed and held onto his hands. They smiled uncomfortably and tried to engage the younger one in conversation, all the while stealing quiet, pained glances at each other.
Kyuhyun stood in one corner of the room and stared at the two older members with disgust.
He felt his heart clench at the defeated look in Changmin’s eyes and felt his resentment towards them grow that much more.
The older ones thought that they had hidden their secret well, but in their oblivious state of mind they’d managed to hurt their Maknae even more…and this was something that Kyuhyun found hard to forgive…let alone ignore.
As if sensing his thoughts, Changmin looked up at Kyuhyun and smiled a forlorn smile, almost as if saying, “It’s done, Kyu…you can’t force people into doing things your way…this is life...this is how it’s supposed to fuck you over.”
When the two of them had left, Kyuhyun walked over to Changmin and touched their foreheads together, “How long are you going to do this to yourself…how long are you going to let them hurt you?”
Min smiled through his tears and ran a hand through his friends hair comfortingly, “I’m dying, Kyuhyun-ah…this isn’t a fight that I can afford to have or even have the stamina to continue or live up to…this is my fate…this is how it’s supposed to be…”
“That’s it…that’s it?! You’re just going to sit back and let those two fuck each other behind your back?! That fucking Jaejoong should just come out and say it to your face…not…God…not…”
Changmin turned towards Kyuhyun and looked at him seriously, “Would you be able to? If you were in his place would you be able to come out and tell your dying boyfriend that you were in love with the closest thing he had to a brother? Jaejoong…he’s amazing…and I mean this in every way that it can be taken…He…he loves me…I know he does…but he loves me in a way that’s somewhat similar and different than he does Yunho-hyung. He loves me heart, mind, body and soul…but he loves Yunho the same way…the only difference I suppose is that Yunho protects him…he feels safe with Yunho…but with me…he’s always felt adventerous…deceitful…cunning…alive…” Changmin let out a depreciating laugh and continued, “But now…now...I think he wants to be protected…safe from all the pain and suffering he’s bound to face.”
Kyuhyun stared at Changmin, “You…that was such a Changmin thing to say…I don’t know how you do it…but you’re amazing you know that, right? You are beyond amazing…”
Changmin laughed and reached over to the side table and picked up two relatively large card-board boxes.
“Put this into my dressing table drawer. It contains everything I’ve ever wanted to say to them…and this one…I want you to keep it. It contains blackmail material and some other stuff you’ll know what to do with when the time comes…and…just do me one favor...when I’m gone…torture them …blackmail them…and make them suffer just like I would…at least for a little while.”
Kyuhyun smacked his hand against his head and laughed, “Just when I thought I was losing out in the race for maturity…you stupid, petty bastard…”
He took the boxes from Changmin's hands and walked towards the door but stopped when he heard Changmin call out to him once more, “Kyu!...”
“What?”
“I love you.”
Kyuhyun smiled and turned to leave, “I love you too, you stupid bastard.”
END FLASHBACK
Kyuhyun smiled at the memory.
He let his thoughts wander and began to think about the day his friend had finally left him for good.
FLASHBACK
He ran along the hospital corridor and came to a halt when he saw a stretcher being pulled out of Changmin's room.
A white shroud covered the still body...and he knew...
It was over.
He looked up slowly at the sobbing brothers that now clung to each other with everything that they had.
He looked at their faces and felt something within him burn out.
He slid down to the floor and cried...
Cried even while he felt four pairs of arms wrap themselves around him...
Cried while he thought about how his best friend would never be held the same way again...
It was over....
It really really was.
END FLASHBACK.
Kyuhyun pressed the heel of his palms into his eyes and brushed away the stray tears.
He had to stop...he knew...he couldn't continue to relive the memories that would destroy him.
The memories that made him feel like there was nothing more to his life.
He felt a strong gust of wind push against his back and groaned before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a folded, worn out piece of paper.
He opened it and read the same words for the hundredth time…
Kyuhyun-ah,
You’re reading this because I’m probably not there anymore, right?
Yah. You better not be acting like an emo-bitch.
I swear to God you’re my soul-brother for a reason…did you make them cry yet? Comment on Junsu’s ass…that should piss him off…oh and Yunho…comment on his creepy stuffed toy fetish…Yoochun’s forehead…Jaejoong’s feminine looks…that’ll really get to them…
I’m rambling aren’t I? Sorry…You already know this…but still…how can I write this letter knowing that it’s the last one that I’ll ever write…
Ahhhhh! Kyuhyun…this is so frustrating!!!
Kyuhyun laughed at the erratic style of writing, “Yah! You bastard…you gave them nice, awe inspiring letters and you give me a scrap of paper filled with nonsensical rambling?”
I made you laugh…I know I did…muhahahhahahahahhaha….*cough* *cough*…
Ok…serious...we’ll get serious..
Kyu-yah? You know I love you, right? More than life sometimes…you’re my brother and best-friend …and I don’t want you to forget that…
I left you alone…
I didn’t mean to…you know that, right?
This letter is fairly pointless…
Our relationship has never been based on words…
The reason why I wrote this…I suppose in a way I don’t want to say good-bye…not to you…not to the other four…not to Minho…not to my family…I don’t want to go Kyu-yah…
But I have to…
I have to go…
That’s why…I suppose this isn’t anything but a means to say good-bye…
I tried in every way to give the others closure…to tell them that it was okay to be the way they wanted to be…
But I can’t do that to you…because you already know…you’ve always known…
So should I just say “Good-bye” and end this letter?
Should I say, “Let’s meet again?”
Yes.
This is good-bye…
Yes, we will meet again…
Maybe not in this life…but probably in the next…
There will be times where you will think that you won’t be able to survive something…but I know that you will survive…
You will survive this life and live it to its fullest extent…
When you face tomorrow, you WILL face it with your strength and sense of self. You WILL continue to live your dreams and never look back and ask yourself “what if”.
Kyu-yah…you are meant for the greatest of things…you are meant to stand before your ocean of blue and say, “I’M KYUHYUN! THIS IS MY DOMAIN…THIS IS MY SUPER JUNIOR.”
Kyu, be happy from now on. Super Junior Is as much yours as it is the others…so never ever think otherwise…
Become great, Kyu…
This is your life…keep it…savor it…protect it…
I love you…For this life and the hundred others to come…
I’ll see you in hell,
Changmin.
Kyuhyun leaned his head on his knees and felt a cool breeze brush up against his arm and neck.
I know…
I can feel you, you idiot.
Your hyungs…
I promise I’ll protect them…I won’t let them get hurt…
I won’t look back anymore.
I won’t give up…
We’ll see each other one day…
We’ll meet in hell…and we’ll burn corpses together, asshole…that I promise…
So go…Min…
Changmin.
Saranghe.
Click to view____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
A/N...O_O ...that's all im capable of doing right now...I tried ...I really did...I just hope it delivered...
The epilogue is next...and it's going to be pretty awesome...so look forward to it <3