When You Face Tomorrow- Chapter 23 (Jaejoong's Letter)
Author: Shriya_4
Pairing: Jaemin/Homin/Yoomin/Minsu (mainly OT5)
Genre: Fantasy, Romance, AU
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Character Death, Language
Disclaimer: I want to own them and marry them..but i can't so well..they belong to themselves. This is my first fic so be nice :P Saranghe <3
Summary: Reuniting them is his one last wish. Can he make them face a tomorrow without him?
Chapter 23:
Jaejoong stood over the sink, staring at his reflection contemptuously.
Hating himself with every fibre of his being.
How can you even look at yourself? You sick, deranged, bastard. You have no right...you should be the one dead...not him...never him...
Jaejoong closed his eyes against the hatred being reflected back at him and turned away from the source of his agony.
He turned away from himself.
Changmin....my Min...mine..gone..not here..
Jaejoong clutched at his stomach and threw up into the toilet...his body trying in its own way to rid him off of the torturous emotions plaguing his heart and mind.
He knelt down onto the floor and cried.
Screaming out every single thought that he knew was destroying him from within.
"Come back! ...IM SORRY!! I HAVE TO TELL YOU!! PLEASE LET ME TELL YOU!! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE HIM! AND IM SICK OF MYSELF AND I WANT YOU BACK!! PLEASE! CHANGMIN-AH!! I HATE MYSELF! I HATE WHAT I DID TO YOU! COME BACK TO ME....I’m sorry...I’m sorry for being this way…"
Jaejoong jumped when he felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around his torso, pulling him back into a standing position.
He whirled around and looked into Junsu's tortured face and felt another part of himself break and die.
"Jaejoong-hyung...what... have you read your letter? Is that why you're crying?"
Jaejoong bent his head and shook it slowly, "That letter…I don’t want to read it…I can't! Junsu...I've done things...I've felt stupid, confusing emotions and I've hurt people...I can't read it knowing that what he's seen from me is a persona that I've put on...he didn't...he didn't know...he loved me...and I betrayed him...I don't deserve anything from that letter...I didn’t even deserve him…"
“You are such an idiot, Jaejoong. You deserve an award for that brain of yours...You of all people…I honestly thought you would know Changmin a little bit better…if not yourself…you should at least give our Maknae some credit for loving you in the first place…” Jaejoong looked beyond Junsu’s shoulders to see Yoochun standing there with an unreadable expression on his face and gasped when he saw Yunho come up behind him.
“Read the letter, Jaejoong…I think you’ll find your answers there…Changmin, it seems, knows a lot more about us…and about life than you think…so, read it…see what he wants to say to you and decide if you want to start living again…”
However, Jaejoong still refused to listen and slid down onto the floor, trying to escape from those around him and bury himself within his own darkness.
Yoochun pulled his hair in frustration and kicked the adjacent wall, causing everyone else to jump out of their skins,
He couldn't take Jaejoong's inability to see beyond his own pain anymore...
“Fine… FINE! JAEJOONG IF YOU’RE GOING TO ACT LIKE A SPOILED, DEPRIVED, PITIFUL, LITTLE BITCH THEN WE’RE GOING TO TREAT YOU LIKE ONE! DO YOU THINK THIS IS HEALTHY?! NOT EATING?! CRYING?! DESTROYING YOURSELF?! WHEN THE PERSON WHO LOVED YOU SO GOD DAMN MUCH WOULD HAVE PRAYED EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY TO LIVE JUST A LITTLE LONGER?! DON’T YOU THINK YOU OWE HIM ENOUGH TO READ HIS FUCKING LETTER?! TO LISTEN TO THE LAST THINGS HE EVER WANTED TO SAY TO YOU?!”
With that Yoochun marched over to Jaejoong and yanked him to his feet.
He wrapped his hands around the lead singer’s frail wrist and dragged him into the bedroom, throwing him against his desk; where the letter lay untouched.
“READ IT! FUCK YOUR PITY PARTY AND READ WHAT HE HAD TO SAY TO YOU!”
Jaejoong stared at Yoochun’s angry expression for a long moment before shaking his head vehemently, “NO! NO! NO! NO! IM DONE! I DON’T WANT THIS ANYMORE! JUST STOP IT! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! ALL OF YOU! PLEASE JUST FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE!”
"YOU'LL DON'T UNDERSTAND MY PAIN! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! YOU'LL ARE ALL LIKE HIM...FOOLS...IDIOTS BEING BLINDED AND NOT LOOKING AT THIS FUCKED UP WORLD FOR WHAT IT IS! YOU'LL DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ...SO STOP PRETENDING LIKE YOU'LL DO!!"
He let out a gasp of pain when he felt a hand strike his left cheek; he gaped, shocked out of his mind at the sight of Junsu standing in front of him with tears running down his cheeks.
“ENOUGH, HYUNG! I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT ! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THINK THAT THIS WORLD REVOLVES AROUND YOU! CHANGMIN…HE WANTED TO SAY SOMETHING TO YOU…HIS LAST FUCKING WORDS...AND I’M NOT GOING TO LET THOSE WORDS REMAIN UNSAID! DO YOU HEAR ME?!”
The younger boy pushed Jaejoong out of his way and snatched the letter from the table, ripping it open and reading it out for all those in the room.
“ Jaejoong-hyung,
Are you crying again?
Are you hurting yourself?
Blaming yourself?
You better stop, pabo.
Everyone needs you now. More than ever.
It must hurt you, right…reading this…knowing that I’m no longer around you.
I’m sorry that it hurts Jaejoong-ah…I’m sorry that I can’t be around you anymore.
Do you know how hard it is for me to write this letter? Do you understand how frustrating it is?
Even while writing this now, I feel like there are too many things to say…too many secrets to tell…but not enough ink in the world to write them.
I thought about it for a long time…thought about what would be enough…what would help…what we would need to continue living in a situation where we were slowly destroying each other.
Every single day, I would wait for you at the hospital…
Every single day I would watch you take exactly seven steps to my hospital bed…
And then watch you take those same seven steps back out the door…
Back out the door …
To Yunho-hyung.”
Junsu stopped reading the letter and stared at Jaejoong, who seemed to mirror his expression of paralyzed shock.
“Hyung…don’t tell me…you…Yunho…together… Changmin?”
It was like he couldn’t even form a proper sentence anymore.
To think…to fucking think that all this time…all this time…Jaejoong and Yunho…while Changmin was dying…while he suffered unrequited love...
Yoochun only had a split second to react when Junsu launched himself at Jaejoong, clawing at the lead singer in an attempt to draw blood.
“HOW COULD YOU! YOU! I WHY YOU?! WHY DID HE PICK YOU?! I WOULD NEVER HAVE DONE IT! I WOULD NEVER HAVE HURT HIM! HOW COULD YOU?! I THOUGHT YOU REALLY CARED! I THOUGHT I KNEW WHO YOU WERE! HOW COULD YOU HURT HIM?!”
Junsu tore at Yoochun’s arms that were now wrapped around his torso in a vice like grip and continued screaming obscenities at Jaejoong.
Yunho pulled the now sobbing Jaejoong into his arms, forcing the older one’s head against his chest.
He turned towards Junsu and looked at him imploringly, “Junsu-yah! Calm down…please…calm down for a second okay? Read the letter…finish it…!”
Junsu glared at the leader, “WHY SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU?! YOU’RE NO BETTER! BOTH OF YOU! FUCK BOTH OF YOU’LL!! JUST FUCK YOU!”
Yoochun turned Junsu into his arms and held the struggling boy, “Enough, Junsu. Enough. What’s gotten into you?! It’s JAEJOONG! Our Jaejoong! YOUR HYUNG! The one who has stuck by you through everything!! ENOUGH JUNSU! SNAP OUT OF IT!”
“Yoochun! They…behind his back…why…how could they?”
Yunho released one arm from around Jaejoong and placed it hesitantly on the young boy’s head, “Junsu…please…just read the letter, okay? Read it and understand it just like I did…please.”
Junsu shrugged off Yunho's hand and bent down to pick up the fallen letter, ready to read the words that would make or break their group.
“I think some part of me wanted to die. To just let things go without confronting them.
I kept asking myself one question… wondering what happened to us…ALL of us…
I knew that things couldn’t go on in this way…so I started to think..
I thought about the next best course of action and decided to write these letters instead.
In a way, I feel like these letters are a tribute to my own cowardice…my own inability to let things go…to let things take their own course…and a frightening ability to pretend to be oblivious to the world around me…
The questions that you are asking yourself right now…I’ve asked them to myself countless times…
Do I resent and blame you…?
Sometimes.
Do I still love you..?
More than ever.
Do I forgive you…?
Always.
I know you, Jae-hyung. I know how kind and caring you are. I know that you would never hurt me on purpose and I know that you love me just as much as I love you.
Just as much as you love hyung.
I was so confused at first. I didn’t know what to feel…I didn’t even know how you felt…
So I selfishly held on…refusing to acknowledge so many things that were right in front of me…
Your love for me…
Your love for Yunho-hyung…
I couldn’t understand it at first.
It was suffocating…frightening…difficult…and plain soul destroying.
Loving two people is such a complicated feeling…
They both in a way complete one half of you and in turn make you whole.
It’s not a usual occurrence; not normal in the least…
But it’s strangely human.
I thought about it…and I realized that I could finally understand…finally accept it for what it was…
Finally accept who you were…
Do you know Jaejoong that long before I knew I had cancer; I had a dream about suddenly disappearing?
That none of you could find me…and that all of you’ll were so scared and lost because of it…
I dreamt that you’ll searched for me…uprooted every corner of Seoul to search for me…but you couldn’t find me because no one else cared that I was missing…
That dream scared me so much…
For so many reasons…
I was afraid that I would be forgotten…
Afraid that I had done nothing worthy of being remembered…
But the thing that frightened me the most was the helplessness I saw amongst all of you…
The dream scared me…
But it terrified me when I found out that I had cancer.
For the same reason…I couldn’t bear for it to happen in real life and I prayed that I would have enough power within me to guide you’ll into living a life without me…
That’s why when I saw the growing attraction between you and Yunho-hyung…a tiny, miniscule part of me was relieved…
And I thought to myself, “Ah…So this is how things have played out.”
This world is actually not so horrible, hyung. It might take the end of your life to open up your eyes to this universe…but truly it is not as bad as it seems.
I don’t have much time left…in this place…but I don’t want to leave it knowing that I am filled with regret and the pain of holding someone back.
I want you to be happy, Jaejoong-hyung.
You who have questioned yourself at every turn of your life…
You who have beaten yourself up over an unusual love…
You who have found both Soulmate and Lover…(if not within the same person)
Are the most kind, lovable, strange, insane, fun, tormented, and liberating person that I have EVER met…
And I don’t regret it one bit.
When you face tomorrow, face it knowing that you can live your life the way you want to. Live it knowing that you have nothing to conform to, no one to please and everyone to love.
Know that you are forever loved by those around you.
Know that whatever happens I will always watch over you, and that you will always have someone with you in your heart who is cheering you on forever.
Know that you are the be all and end all of our group; that you are truly the soul of Dong Bang Shin ki.
I love you very, very much, hyung.
You are a part of me that is truly irreplaceable.
You are my best friend and soul mate in this life and in every life to come.
Forever a part of your heart, song and soul,
Changmin.
P.S Jaejoong-hyung…you don’t always have to find solutions to every single problem…sometimes it’s okay to embrace the situation for what it is…don’t fight your feelings anymore, hyung.
P.P.S …Totally out of context…but could you not throw my porn away T_T…I heard Minho saying that Taemin-ah was running out of good things to watch…it’d be a great birthday present, hyung. <3
P.P.P.S When Junsu’s done being a PMS-ee bitch…ask him for the song I’ve written for you…(I’ve got a strange feeling he’s going to be snappy at you for a while…I know things *looks mysterious*)
P.P.P.P.S I may..or may not have gotten slightly (ok..a lot) pissed off and told Kyuhyun-ah to torture the living shit out of you every time he sees you…so …you know…be careful <3
P.P.P.P.P.S I may or may not have also asked Soo Man to turn your hair blue for the next album’s concept…sorry..I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU!!! <3 BYE BYEEEE!!”
Silence engulfed the room.
Junsu glanced up at Yunho with an aura of total and utter defeat,
“Taemin-ah watches porn…?”
Yunho nodded in weary amusement and slid down onto the floor in relief…glad that Junsu had seen things for what they were…
Jaejoong caught sight of Yoochun’s half amused expression and smiled a teary smile in return.
He then turned and glanced at Junsu , scrunching up his nose in distaste (at the same time accepting the silent apology in the younger one’s eyes) ,
“That monster from Super Junior… he is so going to get me killed in my sleep…I bet Minnie-yah made sure of that…”
The four of them looked at each other and collapsed onto the floor in fits of laughter and tears;
They’d lost to their Maknae in his games of life.
But, they’d won their freedom from their own vices.
Changmin-ah.
I will always be yours,
In this life and the next our souls will always be as one.
You …who are Dong Bang Shin Ki’s guardian angel…
Saranghe.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
A/N The chapter was late...but I tried to make up for it by making this long....I have mixed feelings about this letter...and I feel bad for Junsu ...who only seems to have loved and cared for Changmin as opposed to Jaejoong who weirdly enough loves TWO people at the same time...ah well..Jaejoong's always been a bit warped...SO tell me what you'll thought about it...and whether you'll want the letter to Kyuhyun or not...(i was thinking more along the lines of Kyuhyun having flashbacks of his time with Changmin as a bonus chapter actually...) ...so pick and choose...the Epilogue is going to be fun to write and read (hopefully)....
Anyway I hope you'll liked this chappie...<3
Pairing: Jaemin/Homin/Yoomin/Minsu (mainly OT5)
Genre: Fantasy, Romance, AU
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Character Death, Language
Disclaimer: I want to own them and marry them..but i can't so well..they belong to themselves. This is my first fic so be nice :P Saranghe <3
Summary: Reuniting them is his one last wish. Can he make them face a tomorrow without him?
Chapter 23:
Jaejoong stood over the sink, staring at his reflection contemptuously.
Hating himself with every fibre of his being.
How can you even look at yourself? You sick, deranged, bastard. You have no right...you should be the one dead...not him...never him...
Jaejoong closed his eyes against the hatred being reflected back at him and turned away from the source of his agony.
He turned away from himself.
Changmin....my Min...mine..gone..not here..
Jaejoong clutched at his stomach and threw up into the toilet...his body trying in its own way to rid him off of the torturous emotions plaguing his heart and mind.
He knelt down onto the floor and cried.
Screaming out every single thought that he knew was destroying him from within.
"Come back! ...IM SORRY!! I HAVE TO TELL YOU!! PLEASE LET ME TELL YOU!! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE HIM! AND IM SICK OF MYSELF AND I WANT YOU BACK!! PLEASE! CHANGMIN-AH!! I HATE MYSELF! I HATE WHAT I DID TO YOU! COME BACK TO ME....I’m sorry...I’m sorry for being this way…"
Jaejoong jumped when he felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around his torso, pulling him back into a standing position.
He whirled around and looked into Junsu's tortured face and felt another part of himself break and die.
"Jaejoong-hyung...what... have you read your letter? Is that why you're crying?"
Jaejoong bent his head and shook it slowly, "That letter…I don’t want to read it…I can't! Junsu...I've done things...I've felt stupid, confusing emotions and I've hurt people...I can't read it knowing that what he's seen from me is a persona that I've put on...he didn't...he didn't know...he loved me...and I betrayed him...I don't deserve anything from that letter...I didn’t even deserve him…"
“You are such an idiot, Jaejoong. You deserve an award for that brain of yours...You of all people…I honestly thought you would know Changmin a little bit better…if not yourself…you should at least give our Maknae some credit for loving you in the first place…” Jaejoong looked beyond Junsu’s shoulders to see Yoochun standing there with an unreadable expression on his face and gasped when he saw Yunho come up behind him.
“Read the letter, Jaejoong…I think you’ll find your answers there…Changmin, it seems, knows a lot more about us…and about life than you think…so, read it…see what he wants to say to you and decide if you want to start living again…”
However, Jaejoong still refused to listen and slid down onto the floor, trying to escape from those around him and bury himself within his own darkness.
Yoochun pulled his hair in frustration and kicked the adjacent wall, causing everyone else to jump out of their skins,
He couldn't take Jaejoong's inability to see beyond his own pain anymore...
“Fine… FINE! JAEJOONG IF YOU’RE GOING TO ACT LIKE A SPOILED, DEPRIVED, PITIFUL, LITTLE BITCH THEN WE’RE GOING TO TREAT YOU LIKE ONE! DO YOU THINK THIS IS HEALTHY?! NOT EATING?! CRYING?! DESTROYING YOURSELF?! WHEN THE PERSON WHO LOVED YOU SO GOD DAMN MUCH WOULD HAVE PRAYED EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY TO LIVE JUST A LITTLE LONGER?! DON’T YOU THINK YOU OWE HIM ENOUGH TO READ HIS FUCKING LETTER?! TO LISTEN TO THE LAST THINGS HE EVER WANTED TO SAY TO YOU?!”
With that Yoochun marched over to Jaejoong and yanked him to his feet.
He wrapped his hands around the lead singer’s frail wrist and dragged him into the bedroom, throwing him against his desk; where the letter lay untouched.
“READ IT! FUCK YOUR PITY PARTY AND READ WHAT HE HAD TO SAY TO YOU!”
Jaejoong stared at Yoochun’s angry expression for a long moment before shaking his head vehemently, “NO! NO! NO! NO! IM DONE! I DON’T WANT THIS ANYMORE! JUST STOP IT! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! ALL OF YOU! PLEASE JUST FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE!”
"YOU'LL DON'T UNDERSTAND MY PAIN! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! YOU'LL ARE ALL LIKE HIM...FOOLS...IDIOTS BEING BLINDED AND NOT LOOKING AT THIS FUCKED UP WORLD FOR WHAT IT IS! YOU'LL DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ...SO STOP PRETENDING LIKE YOU'LL DO!!"
He let out a gasp of pain when he felt a hand strike his left cheek; he gaped, shocked out of his mind at the sight of Junsu standing in front of him with tears running down his cheeks.
“ENOUGH, HYUNG! I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT ! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THINK THAT THIS WORLD REVOLVES AROUND YOU! CHANGMIN…HE WANTED TO SAY SOMETHING TO YOU…HIS LAST FUCKING WORDS...AND I’M NOT GOING TO LET THOSE WORDS REMAIN UNSAID! DO YOU HEAR ME?!”
The younger boy pushed Jaejoong out of his way and snatched the letter from the table, ripping it open and reading it out for all those in the room.
“ Jaejoong-hyung,
Are you crying again?
Are you hurting yourself?
Blaming yourself?
You better stop, pabo.
Everyone needs you now. More than ever.
It must hurt you, right…reading this…knowing that I’m no longer around you.
I’m sorry that it hurts Jaejoong-ah…I’m sorry that I can’t be around you anymore.
Do you know how hard it is for me to write this letter? Do you understand how frustrating it is?
Even while writing this now, I feel like there are too many things to say…too many secrets to tell…but not enough ink in the world to write them.
I thought about it for a long time…thought about what would be enough…what would help…what we would need to continue living in a situation where we were slowly destroying each other.
Every single day, I would wait for you at the hospital…
Every single day I would watch you take exactly seven steps to my hospital bed…
And then watch you take those same seven steps back out the door…
Back out the door …
To Yunho-hyung.”
Junsu stopped reading the letter and stared at Jaejoong, who seemed to mirror his expression of paralyzed shock.
“Hyung…don’t tell me…you…Yunho…together… Changmin?”
It was like he couldn’t even form a proper sentence anymore.
To think…to fucking think that all this time…all this time…Jaejoong and Yunho…while Changmin was dying…while he suffered unrequited love...
Yoochun only had a split second to react when Junsu launched himself at Jaejoong, clawing at the lead singer in an attempt to draw blood.
“HOW COULD YOU! YOU! I WHY YOU?! WHY DID HE PICK YOU?! I WOULD NEVER HAVE DONE IT! I WOULD NEVER HAVE HURT HIM! HOW COULD YOU?! I THOUGHT YOU REALLY CARED! I THOUGHT I KNEW WHO YOU WERE! HOW COULD YOU HURT HIM?!”
Junsu tore at Yoochun’s arms that were now wrapped around his torso in a vice like grip and continued screaming obscenities at Jaejoong.
Yunho pulled the now sobbing Jaejoong into his arms, forcing the older one’s head against his chest.
He turned towards Junsu and looked at him imploringly, “Junsu-yah! Calm down…please…calm down for a second okay? Read the letter…finish it…!”
Junsu glared at the leader, “WHY SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU?! YOU’RE NO BETTER! BOTH OF YOU! FUCK BOTH OF YOU’LL!! JUST FUCK YOU!”
Yoochun turned Junsu into his arms and held the struggling boy, “Enough, Junsu. Enough. What’s gotten into you?! It’s JAEJOONG! Our Jaejoong! YOUR HYUNG! The one who has stuck by you through everything!! ENOUGH JUNSU! SNAP OUT OF IT!”
“Yoochun! They…behind his back…why…how could they?”
Yunho released one arm from around Jaejoong and placed it hesitantly on the young boy’s head, “Junsu…please…just read the letter, okay? Read it and understand it just like I did…please.”
Junsu shrugged off Yunho's hand and bent down to pick up the fallen letter, ready to read the words that would make or break their group.
“I think some part of me wanted to die. To just let things go without confronting them.
I kept asking myself one question… wondering what happened to us…ALL of us…
I knew that things couldn’t go on in this way…so I started to think..
I thought about the next best course of action and decided to write these letters instead.
In a way, I feel like these letters are a tribute to my own cowardice…my own inability to let things go…to let things take their own course…and a frightening ability to pretend to be oblivious to the world around me…
The questions that you are asking yourself right now…I’ve asked them to myself countless times…
Do I resent and blame you…?
Sometimes.
Do I still love you..?
More than ever.
Do I forgive you…?
Always.
I know you, Jae-hyung. I know how kind and caring you are. I know that you would never hurt me on purpose and I know that you love me just as much as I love you.
Just as much as you love hyung.
I was so confused at first. I didn’t know what to feel…I didn’t even know how you felt…
So I selfishly held on…refusing to acknowledge so many things that were right in front of me…
Your love for me…
Your love for Yunho-hyung…
I couldn’t understand it at first.
It was suffocating…frightening…difficult…and plain soul destroying.
Loving two people is such a complicated feeling…
They both in a way complete one half of you and in turn make you whole.
It’s not a usual occurrence; not normal in the least…
But it’s strangely human.
I thought about it…and I realized that I could finally understand…finally accept it for what it was…
Finally accept who you were…
Do you know Jaejoong that long before I knew I had cancer; I had a dream about suddenly disappearing?
That none of you could find me…and that all of you’ll were so scared and lost because of it…
I dreamt that you’ll searched for me…uprooted every corner of Seoul to search for me…but you couldn’t find me because no one else cared that I was missing…
That dream scared me so much…
For so many reasons…
I was afraid that I would be forgotten…
Afraid that I had done nothing worthy of being remembered…
But the thing that frightened me the most was the helplessness I saw amongst all of you…
The dream scared me…
But it terrified me when I found out that I had cancer.
For the same reason…I couldn’t bear for it to happen in real life and I prayed that I would have enough power within me to guide you’ll into living a life without me…
That’s why when I saw the growing attraction between you and Yunho-hyung…a tiny, miniscule part of me was relieved…
And I thought to myself, “Ah…So this is how things have played out.”
This world is actually not so horrible, hyung. It might take the end of your life to open up your eyes to this universe…but truly it is not as bad as it seems.
I don’t have much time left…in this place…but I don’t want to leave it knowing that I am filled with regret and the pain of holding someone back.
I want you to be happy, Jaejoong-hyung.
You who have questioned yourself at every turn of your life…
You who have beaten yourself up over an unusual love…
You who have found both Soulmate and Lover…(if not within the same person)
Are the most kind, lovable, strange, insane, fun, tormented, and liberating person that I have EVER met…
And I don’t regret it one bit.
When you face tomorrow, face it knowing that you can live your life the way you want to. Live it knowing that you have nothing to conform to, no one to please and everyone to love.
Know that you are forever loved by those around you.
Know that whatever happens I will always watch over you, and that you will always have someone with you in your heart who is cheering you on forever.
Know that you are the be all and end all of our group; that you are truly the soul of Dong Bang Shin ki.
I love you very, very much, hyung.
You are a part of me that is truly irreplaceable.
You are my best friend and soul mate in this life and in every life to come.
Forever a part of your heart, song and soul,
Changmin.
P.S Jaejoong-hyung…you don’t always have to find solutions to every single problem…sometimes it’s okay to embrace the situation for what it is…don’t fight your feelings anymore, hyung.
P.P.S …Totally out of context…but could you not throw my porn away T_T…I heard Minho saying that Taemin-ah was running out of good things to watch…it’d be a great birthday present, hyung. <3
P.P.P.S When Junsu’s done being a PMS-ee bitch…ask him for the song I’ve written for you…(I’ve got a strange feeling he’s going to be snappy at you for a while…I know things *looks mysterious*)
P.P.P.P.S I may..or may not have gotten slightly (ok..a lot) pissed off and told Kyuhyun-ah to torture the living shit out of you every time he sees you…so …you know…be careful <3
P.P.P.P.P.S I may or may not have also asked Soo Man to turn your hair blue for the next album’s concept…sorry..I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU!!! <3 BYE BYEEEE!!”
Silence engulfed the room.
Junsu glanced up at Yunho with an aura of total and utter defeat,
“Taemin-ah watches porn…?”
Yunho nodded in weary amusement and slid down onto the floor in relief…glad that Junsu had seen things for what they were…
Jaejoong caught sight of Yoochun’s half amused expression and smiled a teary smile in return.
He then turned and glanced at Junsu , scrunching up his nose in distaste (at the same time accepting the silent apology in the younger one’s eyes) ,
“That monster from Super Junior… he is so going to get me killed in my sleep…I bet Minnie-yah made sure of that…”
The four of them looked at each other and collapsed onto the floor in fits of laughter and tears;
They’d lost to their Maknae in his games of life.
But, they’d won their freedom from their own vices.
Changmin-ah.
I will always be yours,
In this life and the next our souls will always be as one.
You …who are Dong Bang Shin Ki’s guardian angel…
Saranghe.
Click to view____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
A/N The chapter was late...but I tried to make up for it by making this long....I have mixed feelings about this letter...and I feel bad for Junsu ...who only seems to have loved and cared for Changmin as opposed to Jaejoong who weirdly enough loves TWO people at the same time...ah well..Jaejoong's always been a bit warped...SO tell me what you'll thought about it...and whether you'll want the letter to Kyuhyun or not...(i was thinking more along the lines of Kyuhyun having flashbacks of his time with Changmin as a bonus chapter actually...) ...so pick and choose...the Epilogue is going to be fun to write and read (hopefully)....
Anyway I hope you'll liked this chappie...<3