When You Face Tomorrow - Chapter 16
Author: Shriya_4
Pairing: Jaemin/Homin/Yoomin/Minsu (mainly OT5)
Genre: Fantasy, Romance, AU
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Character Death, Language
Disclaimer: I want to own them and marry them..but i can't so well..they belong to themselves. This is my first fic so be nice :P Saranghe <3
Summary: Reuniting them is his one last wish. Can he make them face a tomorrow without him?
Chapter 16:
A month.
That's how much time had passed since they'd made a comeback and it seemed as if they'd gotten more famous, more respected and more invincible.
Changmin had done his best. He'd sung every note and every tune with a finesse that commanded the respect of every higher authority. No one could question his professionalism and no one could call his singing to account.
However, one couldn't guess the pain the boy was going through.
With every concert, he'd smile at his hyungs and assure them that he was perfectly fine and that his throat only hurt a little. Even this would cause them to flap around like birds and take care of him, ignoring their own fatigue and try to cater to his every need.
It frustrated the boy. He couldn't allow them to see the full extent of his suffering because he knew they'd be more stressed out and more panicked than they already were. So he held it in until they were distracted or until they gave into the demands of their own bodies.
When he was sure that Jaejoong was asleep, he slid out of their bed and got dressed. He turned once to kiss Jaejoong on the forehead and smiled sadly as he watched the older boy snuggle into the blankets. He grabbed hold of his car keys and walked out of the front door.
He walked down the flight of stairs and ran towards their manager, who was waiting impatiently out in the cold, "When are you going to stop sneaking out in the middle of the night to visit the hospital? Junsu and Jaejoong have already started to get suspicious that you're not telling them something...and Junsu has already asked me a billion times when your next appointment is so that he can go with you."
Changmin sighed before urging the older man to get into his car, "That's exactly why I have to sneak out. I can't let them know that my condition has gotten much worse, they already have so much on their minds."
The manager looked at the boy sadly, "Minnie-yah, you have to stop this. Stop trying to protect them so much, you're hurting yourself. One of them is bound to discover that you throw up after every concert and that your fainting spells have increased to nearly thrice a day. I can't keep covering for you and telling them that you're napping. What if I'm not there when you faint again? Someone WILL find out."
Changmin laughed a little self-depreciatingly and changed the gears roughly, " I'm trying to prolong the inevitable, hyung. I'm not denying the fact that I'm going to be found out. I'm just trying to cover it up for as long as I can. Jaejoong and Yunho are too easily affected and it will begin to affect their performance. It's hard enough as it is when I hear Jaejoong crying to Yunho on the phone every night when he thinks I've fallen asleep. They just don't need this right now."
The manager rubbed his hands down his face in frustration before staring out of the window. When did things start to become so complicated?
When they reached the hospital Changmin sat down in the waiting room while the manager went to collect the pathology report from the nurse station. He buried his head in his palms and sighed, trying to push away the oncoming nausea.
He felt his heart drop into his stomach when he saw one of his doctors accompany the manager back to the waiting room.
He felt the doctor put a hand on his shoulder and sigh dejectedly, "Changmin-ssi, I would like honest answers to my following questions, alright?"
Changmin looked uncomfortably at the doctor before nodding his head.
"When was the last time you ate a proper, solid meal and not just liquids and mashed vegetables?"
Changmin flinched before looking up at the doctor, "Two weeks ago."
The manager looked horrified but the doctor didn't look fazed at the prospect at all and nodded instead.
"Your cancer seems to have affected your ability to swallow properly; this isn't unnatural in the final stages. So, I'll give you a list of foods that you can eat and a list of liquids that will help in giving you the appropriate amount of nourishment. You have to be very careful with what you eat from now on, alright?" He waited for the boy to nod before continuing.
"Also, I want to know if you have been experiencing difficulty in speech or getting worse headaches, nose-bleeds, and the like?"
"The headaches have become worse. My throat seems to be crying out in pain everytime I open my mouth, let alone sing. Even this conversation we're having right now seems to be making my throat feel as if it's tearing. I've only had a couple of nose-bleeds, but the blood in my vomit seems to have increased in quantity and the ulcers in my throat seem to have become more painful."
The manager looked at the young boy and felt a wave of sorrow pass through him. Why does he have to go through this at such a young age? Is this fair in any way, lord?
The doctor sighed and removed his glasses. "Changmin-ssi, it seems as if your cancer has spread vastly throughout your body. Your pathology report seems to indicate the same results. I think it's time that you rap up your activities and prepare to be hospitalized. This can't go on for much longer. You are pushing yourself far beyond the limits of your body's present condition."
"Don't worry about that doctor. Changmin will stop all public activities from this day forth."
Changmin whirled around in his seat. His heart knocking against his ribs as he looked into the furious eyes of his leader, "Yun-" He stopped when he saw Yunho raise his hand up to cut him off, "Doctor, please give me all the instructions that Changmin needs to follow and I'll make sure that they are followed properly and if there are any new medicines that he needs to take then please give me that list too." The doctor nodded before asking him to follow him to the reception desk.
When they exited the hospital, Changmin was slammed roughly against the side of his car, an angry Yunho holding him down.
"DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I WAS?! DO YOU THINK I'M FUCKING STUPID?! THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SNEAK OUT EVERY BLOODY NIGHT TO DO GOD KNOWS WHAT?! HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL US ANYTHING?! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF?!"
Changmin didn't have the strength to argue or explain himself, so he did the one thing he could and pulled Yunho into a weak hug, "Yunho-hyung...I'm tired...I'm so tired now. I had to do this for my own peace of mind. I didn't want you'll to worry or get scared...miahne hyung, shincha miahne."
Yunho tilted his head back and closed his eyes against the heavy feeling in his heart, the sick feeling of fear and sorrow eating him up from the inside, "Minnie-yah, don't do this anymore. I'm already so frightened for you that you hiding things like this from us makes no difference. Just let me take care of you. Please. Let me do something, anything to make these last days for you worth something...I feel so helpless with every day that passes and I can't stand seeing you in pain...always in so much pain..." Changmin heard his hyung's voice crack and felt tears slide down the corner of his eyes as he hugged Yunho tighter.
"I'm scared, hyung. I don't want to die. I don't want to feel this pain anymore. Why me hyung? Why does this have to happen to me?!" He sobbed as he clutched onto Yunho's shirt, bunching it into his hard fists, "I DON'T WANT THIS ANYMORE!
Yunho grabbed hold of Changmin's face and kissed him on his cheeks and forehead repeatedly before clutching the sobbing boy to his chest, trying to absorb some of his pain.
"I know, Minnie. I know and I promise I'll take care of you, baby. I won't let it be scary anymore. I'll protect you. I won't let people forget you. I won't let Jaejoong get hurt. I'll protect them all for you Minnie-yah. I promise. So don't be scared anymore. Let me be your strength from now on. Let ALL of us live for you, minnie-yah. Let us be your presence on this planet. Don't cry anymore. You are forever ours, you are our min-min."
Changmin felt his heart give in to Yunho's words and lighten. He let those words soothe his fearful mind and in turn felt a burden he never knew he was carrying lift from his back.
Yunho held Min in his arms and heard his sobs even out into soft breathing, he felt him slump into his embrace and realised that the boy had fallen asleep.
With the help of the manager, Yunho laid Min inside the car and told the older man to drive the other car back home.
He turned back to cover the sleeping boy with a coat, before getting into the driver's seat and driving back home.
When they finally reached home, Yunho put his head on the stearing wheel and sighed. He jerked when he felt a tap on the window and saw Jaejoong standing there with a shawl wrapped around his shoulders, his face looking tired and concerned.
"Is he okay?"
"Yeah. It was just like you thought. He's been sneaking out to go to the doctor's."
Jaejoong shook his head dejectedly before looking at his sleeping lover, his eyes looking so tired and so sad.
"He's always so reckless, foolish boy."
Jaejoong opened the back door and slid into the back seat putting a cooling hand on the boy's feverish forehead, he stroked his soft hair and felt his heart shatter a little bit more. Why can't you take some of my life instead? Why can't you let him be with me anymore? Please, let me keep him for a little while longer. I'm begging you. Let me keep him. Don't take him away from me.
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A/N I want to shoot myself too...so don't worry about that. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMOREEEEE!!! OTTEOKE!!!! Sighs...okay im done losing my mind. Did you'll like this chapter? Hmm? Did it make you sob your pretty little eyes out? Did you finally get an insight into the perceptions of those around him? Don't worry..i'll be putting up more OT5 moments too...and making this as painless as humanly possible...oh and you do have Changmin's final concert to look forward to too..so be prepared..cause Changmin's planning on addressing the cassies...<3
Pairing: Jaemin/Homin/Yoomin/Minsu (mainly OT5)
Genre: Fantasy, Romance, AU
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Character Death, Language
Disclaimer: I want to own them and marry them..but i can't so well..they belong to themselves. This is my first fic so be nice :P Saranghe <3
Summary: Reuniting them is his one last wish. Can he make them face a tomorrow without him?
Chapter 16:
A month.
That's how much time had passed since they'd made a comeback and it seemed as if they'd gotten more famous, more respected and more invincible.
Changmin had done his best. He'd sung every note and every tune with a finesse that commanded the respect of every higher authority. No one could question his professionalism and no one could call his singing to account.
However, one couldn't guess the pain the boy was going through.
With every concert, he'd smile at his hyungs and assure them that he was perfectly fine and that his throat only hurt a little. Even this would cause them to flap around like birds and take care of him, ignoring their own fatigue and try to cater to his every need.
It frustrated the boy. He couldn't allow them to see the full extent of his suffering because he knew they'd be more stressed out and more panicked than they already were. So he held it in until they were distracted or until they gave into the demands of their own bodies.
When he was sure that Jaejoong was asleep, he slid out of their bed and got dressed. He turned once to kiss Jaejoong on the forehead and smiled sadly as he watched the older boy snuggle into the blankets. He grabbed hold of his car keys and walked out of the front door.
He walked down the flight of stairs and ran towards their manager, who was waiting impatiently out in the cold, "When are you going to stop sneaking out in the middle of the night to visit the hospital? Junsu and Jaejoong have already started to get suspicious that you're not telling them something...and Junsu has already asked me a billion times when your next appointment is so that he can go with you."
Changmin sighed before urging the older man to get into his car, "That's exactly why I have to sneak out. I can't let them know that my condition has gotten much worse, they already have so much on their minds."
The manager looked at the boy sadly, "Minnie-yah, you have to stop this. Stop trying to protect them so much, you're hurting yourself. One of them is bound to discover that you throw up after every concert and that your fainting spells have increased to nearly thrice a day. I can't keep covering for you and telling them that you're napping. What if I'm not there when you faint again? Someone WILL find out."
Changmin laughed a little self-depreciatingly and changed the gears roughly, " I'm trying to prolong the inevitable, hyung. I'm not denying the fact that I'm going to be found out. I'm just trying to cover it up for as long as I can. Jaejoong and Yunho are too easily affected and it will begin to affect their performance. It's hard enough as it is when I hear Jaejoong crying to Yunho on the phone every night when he thinks I've fallen asleep. They just don't need this right now."
The manager rubbed his hands down his face in frustration before staring out of the window. When did things start to become so complicated?
When they reached the hospital Changmin sat down in the waiting room while the manager went to collect the pathology report from the nurse station. He buried his head in his palms and sighed, trying to push away the oncoming nausea.
He felt his heart drop into his stomach when he saw one of his doctors accompany the manager back to the waiting room.
He felt the doctor put a hand on his shoulder and sigh dejectedly, "Changmin-ssi, I would like honest answers to my following questions, alright?"
Changmin looked uncomfortably at the doctor before nodding his head.
"When was the last time you ate a proper, solid meal and not just liquids and mashed vegetables?"
Changmin flinched before looking up at the doctor, "Two weeks ago."
The manager looked horrified but the doctor didn't look fazed at the prospect at all and nodded instead.
"Your cancer seems to have affected your ability to swallow properly; this isn't unnatural in the final stages. So, I'll give you a list of foods that you can eat and a list of liquids that will help in giving you the appropriate amount of nourishment. You have to be very careful with what you eat from now on, alright?" He waited for the boy to nod before continuing.
"Also, I want to know if you have been experiencing difficulty in speech or getting worse headaches, nose-bleeds, and the like?"
"The headaches have become worse. My throat seems to be crying out in pain everytime I open my mouth, let alone sing. Even this conversation we're having right now seems to be making my throat feel as if it's tearing. I've only had a couple of nose-bleeds, but the blood in my vomit seems to have increased in quantity and the ulcers in my throat seem to have become more painful."
The manager looked at the young boy and felt a wave of sorrow pass through him. Why does he have to go through this at such a young age? Is this fair in any way, lord?
The doctor sighed and removed his glasses. "Changmin-ssi, it seems as if your cancer has spread vastly throughout your body. Your pathology report seems to indicate the same results. I think it's time that you rap up your activities and prepare to be hospitalized. This can't go on for much longer. You are pushing yourself far beyond the limits of your body's present condition."
"Don't worry about that doctor. Changmin will stop all public activities from this day forth."
Changmin whirled around in his seat. His heart knocking against his ribs as he looked into the furious eyes of his leader, "Yun-" He stopped when he saw Yunho raise his hand up to cut him off, "Doctor, please give me all the instructions that Changmin needs to follow and I'll make sure that they are followed properly and if there are any new medicines that he needs to take then please give me that list too." The doctor nodded before asking him to follow him to the reception desk.
When they exited the hospital, Changmin was slammed roughly against the side of his car, an angry Yunho holding him down.
"DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I WAS?! DO YOU THINK I'M FUCKING STUPID?! THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SNEAK OUT EVERY BLOODY NIGHT TO DO GOD KNOWS WHAT?! HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL US ANYTHING?! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF?!"
Changmin didn't have the strength to argue or explain himself, so he did the one thing he could and pulled Yunho into a weak hug, "Yunho-hyung...I'm tired...I'm so tired now. I had to do this for my own peace of mind. I didn't want you'll to worry or get scared...miahne hyung, shincha miahne."
Yunho tilted his head back and closed his eyes against the heavy feeling in his heart, the sick feeling of fear and sorrow eating him up from the inside, "Minnie-yah, don't do this anymore. I'm already so frightened for you that you hiding things like this from us makes no difference. Just let me take care of you. Please. Let me do something, anything to make these last days for you worth something...I feel so helpless with every day that passes and I can't stand seeing you in pain...always in so much pain..." Changmin heard his hyung's voice crack and felt tears slide down the corner of his eyes as he hugged Yunho tighter.
"I'm scared, hyung. I don't want to die. I don't want to feel this pain anymore. Why me hyung? Why does this have to happen to me?!" He sobbed as he clutched onto Yunho's shirt, bunching it into his hard fists, "I DON'T WANT THIS ANYMORE!
Yunho grabbed hold of Changmin's face and kissed him on his cheeks and forehead repeatedly before clutching the sobbing boy to his chest, trying to absorb some of his pain.
"I know, Minnie. I know and I promise I'll take care of you, baby. I won't let it be scary anymore. I'll protect you. I won't let people forget you. I won't let Jaejoong get hurt. I'll protect them all for you Minnie-yah. I promise. So don't be scared anymore. Let me be your strength from now on. Let ALL of us live for you, minnie-yah. Let us be your presence on this planet. Don't cry anymore. You are forever ours, you are our min-min."
Changmin felt his heart give in to Yunho's words and lighten. He let those words soothe his fearful mind and in turn felt a burden he never knew he was carrying lift from his back.
Yunho held Min in his arms and heard his sobs even out into soft breathing, he felt him slump into his embrace and realised that the boy had fallen asleep.
With the help of the manager, Yunho laid Min inside the car and told the older man to drive the other car back home.
He turned back to cover the sleeping boy with a coat, before getting into the driver's seat and driving back home.
When they finally reached home, Yunho put his head on the stearing wheel and sighed. He jerked when he felt a tap on the window and saw Jaejoong standing there with a shawl wrapped around his shoulders, his face looking tired and concerned.
"Is he okay?"
"Yeah. It was just like you thought. He's been sneaking out to go to the doctor's."
Jaejoong shook his head dejectedly before looking at his sleeping lover, his eyes looking so tired and so sad.
"He's always so reckless, foolish boy."
Jaejoong opened the back door and slid into the back seat putting a cooling hand on the boy's feverish forehead, he stroked his soft hair and felt his heart shatter a little bit more. Why can't you take some of my life instead? Why can't you let him be with me anymore? Please, let me keep him for a little while longer. I'm begging you. Let me keep him. Don't take him away from me.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________
A/N I want to shoot myself too...so don't worry about that. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMOREEEEE!!! OTTEOKE!!!! Sighs...okay im done losing my mind. Did you'll like this chapter? Hmm? Did it make you sob your pretty little eyes out? Did you finally get an insight into the perceptions of those around him? Don't worry..i'll be putting up more OT5 moments too...and making this as painless as humanly possible...oh and you do have Changmin's final concert to look forward to too..so be prepared..cause Changmin's planning on addressing the cassies...<3