I did it
He's gone. And he's never coming back. I should feel relieved but I dont, I feel very sad. I didn't want things to end like this. I didn't want us to hate each other like Mole and Kelsey. I wanted us to stay friends and hang out and be able to chill and talk like normal friends do. I thought I had that for a bit. But then I realized that he treated me like absolute shit in public. I wasn't going to put up with that. I also wasn't going to sit around and wait for him to get shot down by a girl he is delusional enough to think likes him. I don't deserve that. I need someone willing to commit to me from the get go. Not someone who's like, 'yeah I'll be with you right now but if a better opportunity comes up, then you're gone." No asshole. Either be with me or don't be with me. It's as simple as that.
I slapped him. I don't know why. I just remember feeling a blinding rage. I don't even remember walking up to him. I just remember looking the bastard in his cold, heartless eyes and then the next thing I know, I hear a loud smack as I slapped him with all my strength. I hope it hurt. I don't care if he just had jaw surgery 2 months ago. I still hope it hurt him. I hope he wakes up with a nice hand shaped bruise on his face. Good luck explaining that one to your parents, asshole. I'm amazed he just stood there and took it. I half expected him to block my arm, or to hit me back. But I didn't really give him time to react. I slapped him and then quickly backed away, yelling something about never talking to me again.
I'm done. I can't waste anymore of my life on him. I can't just wait for him to decide to grow up and stop acting like a little boy. It's time for me to find myself a real man who knows how to treat me right.
Will I miss him? Yes. Do I still care for him? Yes, but what's the point if the care isn't reciprocated? I want a relationship. He just wants someone he can fuck for the summer. That's not going to happen to him unless he starts investing in prostitutes.
Will I be okay? After a while, yes. I'm sure I'll be moody and down for a couple weeks but I hear it slowly gets better. Once my heart starts mending and I realize I'm okay on my own, I should be fine.
I'm not looking forward to our first random run-in after this. I just know it's either gonna happen at a grad party or at the mall since my job has me practically living there. It'll be one of those situations where we'l briefly make eye contact and then hastily look away and ignore each other and pretend like we've never seen each other before. If it's at a grad party, we'll probly make mean snide remarks to each other. It'll be a little awkward.
I'll be okay, my faithful 1.249 viewers. Manda will keep on chugging away towards that better tomorrow. I know I can get through this. I'm a tough, ferocious, pretty little thing and I've got my friends to support me when I'm feeling weak. I can do this.