show me your dorkface
I am so exhausted from stupidly staying up late all week that my face aches, and I'm afraid to drink more coffee. I won't have much to do until after lunch, because everything always breaks on Friday afternoons. Until then, I shall distract myself with dorkface boys:
I am kind of in love with the dorks in a little band called Fall Out Boy:
Pete and Patrick and Andy and Joe are actually too young to have seen Star Wars in the theater, although like me, Pete and Andy may remember the Ewoks from Return of the Jedi.
They won't let that stop them from being awesome and the best Fall Out Boyz they can be, though! (Fucking vision, indeed. Ha ha ha.)
Pay no attention to the dorks behind the curtain! No, wait, do pay attention.
They don't pose as furries for just anyone!
Okay, that's not true, they pose as furries all the time. And I don't know if there's anything cuter than Patrick the fuzzy bunny, really.
Sometimes they put down the fur and actually play music.
I like it when they do that, although I am still curious as to which of them is the actual furry.
I think someone should write Pete and ask.
I mean, it's not like I think Pete would tell us the truth, but at least we'd get an entertaining answer while we speculate.
Pete would probably insist the furries were Patrick's idea.
And in some ways, I am willing to believe it, because I can't imagine Pete would want to cover up Patrick more, because then Pete wouldn't be able to molest Patrick on camera the way he likes.
And I think many of us agree that we like it when Pete puts his hands all over Patrick.
I admit that I wouldn't mind putting my hands all over this cute little dorkface boy.
He is a precious boy who wears Meerkat T-shirts to the zoo and has an unholy devotion to Prince, man.
Tiny and dorktastic!
He is a dork to the dizzo.
And I'm not just saying that 'cause tiny white boy is friends with Jay-Z.
Ha ha ha OH SWEETHEART.
It's just not fair when you put guitar picks in that mouth.
Bratz dolls do not go in your cakehole, Patrick. I don't think plastic counts as vegetarian, if Patrick is still on the veggie wagon. He might be. I bet Andy has some wicked vegan fu.
Which is not to say that Patrick is without fu.
He's got all kinds of motherfucking fu.
Oh yeah.
And if he doesn't stop biting his lower lip, I may embarrass myself.
That's better.
I like it when he's squishy and adorable.
Who is that masked dorkface?
Why, it's Patrick Stump, and his husband best friend Pete Wentz!
I can't even tell you how much I love their stupid faces.
See my icon: DORK TWIN POWERS, ACTIVATE!
And boy, were their dork twin powers activated.
And to this day their dork twin powers have not faded.
I am pretty sure they'll be dorkies forever: dork best friends who mate for life!
That makes me happy.
It makes them happy, too.
I'm not entirely sure what DorkPatrick is doing with his fly here, but I am pretty sure it's going to make us all happy, as well.
Possibly the only thing better would be having two DorkPatricks. I love your gold shoes, little man!
Fall Out Boy demonstrate the proper dork stance when it comes to any physical confrontation.
It's DorkPatrick approved!
Would this face lie to you?
Bitch, please.
This tongue would probably lie to you.
But I am willing to bet you'd be laughing too hard to care.
Pete's good like that.
Even when he's been up all night watching Transformers and bitching about canon.
Patrick's probably not as invested, but I doubt he'll say anything unless Pete starts writing Autobot porn.
Shut up, Pete, YOU TOTALLY WOULD. Unless you kick it old school with Voltron, man.
Patrick's too young to remember Voltron, but he's pretty so we'll keep him anyway.
Give it up for Fall Out Boy, everybody!
Time to shift gears. NEW JERSEY DORKFACE, REPRESENT.
Well, Bob's actually from Chicago, but we're keeping him, do you hear me?
Gerard and Frank and Mikey and Ray and Bob! My Chemical Romance in their Green Day finery.
Dude, Gerard is happy to see you!
So is Frank!
No, really, he's so happy that's he's effing swooning.
Frank totally loves his fans, man.
Know who else he loves? Naww.
Frank likes to say so with his tongue.
And with hugs.
And by sitting in Gerard's lap.
And by casually sticking his hands in Gerard's pants.
And who can blame him?
Gerard's a terribly pretty man.
And Frank deserves pretty things. Oh, his face! It's like he misses his favorite tiara!
Frank's been so pretty lately, himself.
Pretty and sweaty and tattooed.
Frank Iero could not be more awesome.
I'm serious. Any more awesome, and he's going to collapse the universe.
In the effort not to collapse the universe, maybe some dorkface Frank will help?
Okay, that shifted some of the awesome back to Gerard.
Frank retaliates by being adorable with Ray!
Sleepy and adorable!
Suck on that, bitches!
Frank knows he's in danger of exploderating the universe, but he just can't help himself.
Or maybe it's me that can't help myself.
I get confused when I look at Frank, and English turns into my second language.
I'm not sure what becomes my first language, but I suspect it is the constantly evolving and nigh incomprehensible language of squeeble.
There's no dictionary for it. That'd be like keeping current maps of all the Soviet satellites after the Iron Curtain collapsed.
It made geography such a bitch. And god, Frank's probably too young to remember that.
I need to get my face out of my palm and ogle Frank until this terrible feeling goes away.
Nope, still feel old.
Practically ancient, even.
OLD LIKE A TREE, FRANK.
God, it's a good thing you're pretty.
And terribly distracting.
Speaking of old, I feel like I'm forgetting something.
BatFrank suggests that it possibly is THE REST OF THE BAND?
SORRY, REST OF THE BAND. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU.
Although perhaps they are telling me that if I forget them again, they'll go all El Mariachi on my ass.
Actually I think I would pay to see that, but only if Frank has a sparkly pink guitar gun.
Gerard's can be sparkly and red.
Oh, Gerard, you're so pretty.
I love your dorkface.
Even if I kind of want to marry Bob.
I can't help it, Bob's awesome! And I could help him with his solo project which is badly singing terrible love songs to Gerard. It's win-win.
I love Bob and Ray and their dorky cameras.
I also love Ray and Ray's arms.
Dear Torosaurus: Please to be wearing less clothing.
Some of us really would like to see the rest of your tattoos. Some of us weren't aware you had multiple tattoos until you mentioned planning your next one, and I wasn't too distracted by Frank's nerdcore glasses to hear that, Toro!
In conclusion: we miss your dorkface, Mikeyway. Come back soon.
Now I think it is time for french fries and more caffeine.
I am kind of in love with the dorks in a little band called Fall Out Boy:
Pete and Patrick and Andy and Joe are actually too young to have seen Star Wars in the theater, although like me, Pete and Andy may remember the Ewoks from Return of the Jedi.
They won't let that stop them from being awesome and the best Fall Out Boyz they can be, though! (Fucking vision, indeed. Ha ha ha.)
Pay no attention to the dorks behind the curtain! No, wait, do pay attention.
They don't pose as furries for just anyone!
Okay, that's not true, they pose as furries all the time. And I don't know if there's anything cuter than Patrick the fuzzy bunny, really.
Sometimes they put down the fur and actually play music.
I like it when they do that, although I am still curious as to which of them is the actual furry.
I think someone should write Pete and ask.
I mean, it's not like I think Pete would tell us the truth, but at least we'd get an entertaining answer while we speculate.
Pete would probably insist the furries were Patrick's idea.
And in some ways, I am willing to believe it, because I can't imagine Pete would want to cover up Patrick more, because then Pete wouldn't be able to molest Patrick on camera the way he likes.
And I think many of us agree that we like it when Pete puts his hands all over Patrick.
I admit that I wouldn't mind putting my hands all over this cute little dorkface boy.
He is a precious boy who wears Meerkat T-shirts to the zoo and has an unholy devotion to Prince, man.
Tiny and dorktastic!
He is a dork to the dizzo.
And I'm not just saying that 'cause tiny white boy is friends with Jay-Z.
Ha ha ha OH SWEETHEART.
It's just not fair when you put guitar picks in that mouth.
Bratz dolls do not go in your cakehole, Patrick. I don't think plastic counts as vegetarian, if Patrick is still on the veggie wagon. He might be. I bet Andy has some wicked vegan fu.
Which is not to say that Patrick is without fu.
He's got all kinds of motherfucking fu.
Oh yeah.
And if he doesn't stop biting his lower lip, I may embarrass myself.
That's better.
I like it when he's squishy and adorable.
Who is that masked dorkface?
Why, it's Patrick Stump, and his husband best friend Pete Wentz!
I can't even tell you how much I love their stupid faces.
See my icon: DORK TWIN POWERS, ACTIVATE!
And boy, were their dork twin powers activated.
And to this day their dork twin powers have not faded.
I am pretty sure they'll be dorkies forever: dork best friends who mate for life!
That makes me happy.
It makes them happy, too.
I'm not entirely sure what DorkPatrick is doing with his fly here, but I am pretty sure it's going to make us all happy, as well.
Possibly the only thing better would be having two DorkPatricks. I love your gold shoes, little man!
Fall Out Boy demonstrate the proper dork stance when it comes to any physical confrontation.
It's DorkPatrick approved!
Would this face lie to you?
Bitch, please.
This tongue would probably lie to you.
But I am willing to bet you'd be laughing too hard to care.
Pete's good like that.
Even when he's been up all night watching Transformers and bitching about canon.
Patrick's probably not as invested, but I doubt he'll say anything unless Pete starts writing Autobot porn.
Shut up, Pete, YOU TOTALLY WOULD. Unless you kick it old school with Voltron, man.
Patrick's too young to remember Voltron, but he's pretty so we'll keep him anyway.
Give it up for Fall Out Boy, everybody!
Time to shift gears. NEW JERSEY DORKFACE, REPRESENT.
Well, Bob's actually from Chicago, but we're keeping him, do you hear me?
Gerard and Frank and Mikey and Ray and Bob! My Chemical Romance in their Green Day finery.
Dude, Gerard is happy to see you!
So is Frank!
No, really, he's so happy that's he's effing swooning.
Frank totally loves his fans, man.
Know who else he loves? Naww.
Frank likes to say so with his tongue.
And with hugs.
And by sitting in Gerard's lap.
And by casually sticking his hands in Gerard's pants.
And who can blame him?
Gerard's a terribly pretty man.
And Frank deserves pretty things. Oh, his face! It's like he misses his favorite tiara!
Frank's been so pretty lately, himself.
Pretty and sweaty and tattooed.
Frank Iero could not be more awesome.
I'm serious. Any more awesome, and he's going to collapse the universe.
In the effort not to collapse the universe, maybe some dorkface Frank will help?
Okay, that shifted some of the awesome back to Gerard.
Frank retaliates by being adorable with Ray!
Sleepy and adorable!
Suck on that, bitches!
Frank knows he's in danger of exploderating the universe, but he just can't help himself.
Or maybe it's me that can't help myself.
I get confused when I look at Frank, and English turns into my second language.
I'm not sure what becomes my first language, but I suspect it is the constantly evolving and nigh incomprehensible language of squeeble.
There's no dictionary for it. That'd be like keeping current maps of all the Soviet satellites after the Iron Curtain collapsed.
It made geography such a bitch. And god, Frank's probably too young to remember that.
I need to get my face out of my palm and ogle Frank until this terrible feeling goes away.
Nope, still feel old.
Practically ancient, even.
OLD LIKE A TREE, FRANK.
God, it's a good thing you're pretty.
And terribly distracting.
Speaking of old, I feel like I'm forgetting something.
BatFrank suggests that it possibly is THE REST OF THE BAND?
SORRY, REST OF THE BAND. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU.
Although perhaps they are telling me that if I forget them again, they'll go all El Mariachi on my ass.
Actually I think I would pay to see that, but only if Frank has a sparkly pink guitar gun.
Gerard's can be sparkly and red.
Oh, Gerard, you're so pretty.
I love your dorkface.
Even if I kind of want to marry Bob.
I can't help it, Bob's awesome! And I could help him with his solo project which is badly singing terrible love songs to Gerard. It's win-win.
I love Bob and Ray and their dorky cameras.
I also love Ray and Ray's arms.
Dear Torosaurus: Please to be wearing less clothing.
Some of us really would like to see the rest of your tattoos. Some of us weren't aware you had multiple tattoos until you mentioned planning your next one, and I wasn't too distracted by Frank's nerdcore glasses to hear that, Toro!
In conclusion: we miss your dorkface, Mikeyway. Come back soon.
Now I think it is time for french fries and more caffeine.