is it love?
DAY 1
he hurt my feelings and made me cry.
he calls to appologize and says: "i wish i could just hold you right now and make you not sad"
"i was just playing a joke i didnt mean for you to take me seriously"
i forgive, our talk goes on.
we talk of marriage and kids.
no names has be picked yet. for he feels he would never marry.
he tells me we should get married have kids and then divorce.
so his last name will be carried on.
i laugh for i know he is joking.
as the night progesses he tells me:
"jacque, i would never marry you... [long pause] and then divorce you."
"thats the most jerkish thing i've ever heard" i yell back.
the night winds down we say our i love yous and go to bed.
DAY 2
i send him an email. admitting that i do love him as much as he loves me.
hes drunk.
he reads it and claims i made his year even though we are only 12 days into january.
we chat online. confusion messes everything up.
he calls. still drunk.
i have to be honest: i'm starting to like you again.
"does this mean we have to stop talking" i ask.
everything falls silent.
our talk sucks because no one is talking.
we are both frustrated. but for different reasons.
we say our good byes and hang up the phones.
my phone rings. its him.
"i just wanted to tell you i love you before you go to sleep"
we talk a little longer.
things get better.
we say our i love yous and go to bed.
DAY 3
my away message states:"i dont want you to call tonight"
i'm confused. misunderstood. mistaken? i dont know.
he calls.
"what did i do? i'm sorry. how did i upset you? i dont know what happened"
"a piece of me died when i read that"
i tell him i cant talk about it i need time to think. but call me because i want to talk.
he calls.
he wants to talk. we talk.
nothing inparticular.
something happens he has to go.
i say "i love you"
he hangs up.
he calls back but hes busy. he has to go. again.
"we'll have a serious talk tonight i promise. i'm not going out" he says.
i wait for his call.
its 1:45am. he calls. drunk. "i'm at this party i'll call you later"
i go to bed. upset that i waited up for nothing.
its 4:30am. he calls. still drunk.
"i did something really bad." he tells me.
"can we talk about it tomorrow?" i ask. he agrees.
DAY 4
i'm working. he calls.
we talk as i work because i have hardcore add.
he has to go take someone somewhere.
he says "i love you"
and wont hang up until i say it infront of my coworkers [six men]
i say it back but laugh at the same time hoping no one noticed.
he calls again.
he wants to know what i can not tell him.
we arugue over who should go first.
i say him. he says me.
in the end no one won.
i tell him to call me at 4:30.
its 5:30... the phone rings. its him.
"what is it you have to tell me" are the first words out of his mouth.
i'm not ready to say. we chat. he leaves.
we talk online.
i get peer pressured into telling him.
one catch. he has to call to find out.
he calls.
i get nervous.
i answer the phone:
"so remember when we were talking about marriage? well i've been thinking about it and i feel that i could marry you and be happy for the rest of my life."
there is no response.
he is in shock.
i hide under my covers.
what did i just say?
he speaks "i dont know how to respond to that"
"neither would i" i reasure him.
he has to go. its boyz night out.
we say our i love yous and hang up the phone.
its late. i'm out. he calls. its too loud i cant hear him. he goes.
he calls again. i'm eating. hes busy. he goes.
he calls at 5am. i'm sleeping. we dont talk.
we just say our i love yous and go to bed.
DAY 5: today
i cant stop replaying what happened over and over and over in my head.
what does this mean?
is this what its like to be in love??
he hurt my feelings and made me cry.
he calls to appologize and says: "i wish i could just hold you right now and make you not sad"
"i was just playing a joke i didnt mean for you to take me seriously"
i forgive, our talk goes on.
we talk of marriage and kids.
no names has be picked yet. for he feels he would never marry.
he tells me we should get married have kids and then divorce.
so his last name will be carried on.
i laugh for i know he is joking.
as the night progesses he tells me:
"jacque, i would never marry you... [long pause] and then divorce you."
"thats the most jerkish thing i've ever heard" i yell back.
the night winds down we say our i love yous and go to bed.
DAY 2
i send him an email. admitting that i do love him as much as he loves me.
hes drunk.
he reads it and claims i made his year even though we are only 12 days into january.
we chat online. confusion messes everything up.
he calls. still drunk.
i have to be honest: i'm starting to like you again.
"does this mean we have to stop talking" i ask.
everything falls silent.
our talk sucks because no one is talking.
we are both frustrated. but for different reasons.
we say our good byes and hang up the phones.
my phone rings. its him.
"i just wanted to tell you i love you before you go to sleep"
we talk a little longer.
things get better.
we say our i love yous and go to bed.
DAY 3
my away message states:"i dont want you to call tonight"
i'm confused. misunderstood. mistaken? i dont know.
he calls.
"what did i do? i'm sorry. how did i upset you? i dont know what happened"
"a piece of me died when i read that"
i tell him i cant talk about it i need time to think. but call me because i want to talk.
he calls.
he wants to talk. we talk.
nothing inparticular.
something happens he has to go.
i say "i love you"
he hangs up.
he calls back but hes busy. he has to go. again.
"we'll have a serious talk tonight i promise. i'm not going out" he says.
i wait for his call.
its 1:45am. he calls. drunk. "i'm at this party i'll call you later"
i go to bed. upset that i waited up for nothing.
its 4:30am. he calls. still drunk.
"i did something really bad." he tells me.
"can we talk about it tomorrow?" i ask. he agrees.
DAY 4
i'm working. he calls.
we talk as i work because i have hardcore add.
he has to go take someone somewhere.
he says "i love you"
and wont hang up until i say it infront of my coworkers [six men]
i say it back but laugh at the same time hoping no one noticed.
he calls again.
he wants to know what i can not tell him.
we arugue over who should go first.
i say him. he says me.
in the end no one won.
i tell him to call me at 4:30.
its 5:30... the phone rings. its him.
"what is it you have to tell me" are the first words out of his mouth.
i'm not ready to say. we chat. he leaves.
we talk online.
i get peer pressured into telling him.
one catch. he has to call to find out.
he calls.
i get nervous.
i answer the phone:
"so remember when we were talking about marriage? well i've been thinking about it and i feel that i could marry you and be happy for the rest of my life."
there is no response.
he is in shock.
i hide under my covers.
what did i just say?
he speaks "i dont know how to respond to that"
"neither would i" i reasure him.
he has to go. its boyz night out.
we say our i love yous and hang up the phone.
its late. i'm out. he calls. its too loud i cant hear him. he goes.
he calls again. i'm eating. hes busy. he goes.
he calls at 5am. i'm sleeping. we dont talk.
we just say our i love yous and go to bed.
DAY 5: today
i cant stop replaying what happened over and over and over in my head.
what does this mean?
is this what its like to be in love??