Gift
Jun's POV.
How much time has passed? How long has it been since...
Since you took my hand that cold starry night. I cannot get that day out of my head. I tried. I really tried. I tried to forget everything connected to you. But I couldn’t. The more I think of you, the more I feel that throbbing pain in my heart. But the more I try to kick you out of my heart, the more lonely I feel. I need you. I could sense the nervousness you felt that night when you took the initiative to touch my fingers, transferring every bit of your warmth to my freezing hand. You barely held my hands in yours but before you shake your hand off to make it seem like an accident, I gripped your hand tight. I didn’t look at you although I wanted so badly to see how you felt. I squeezed the nervousness and I can be certain that there were smiles engraved on both our faces.
***
Why does it have to be so complicated? Sometimes I wonder if we could ever be called a couple. Were we ever together? Or did we just get to close to each other and there’s nothing more than that?
That day you ran out of the party to the rooftop. I chased you despite you insisting you needed time for yourself. I didn’t know what had happened at that time, but I knew deep down in my heart that I just couldn’t leave you alone. When I put my arms around you, you tried to push me away, hitting as hard as you could on my chest. But it wasn’t long till you gave up and held on to my shirt as if hanging on to dear life. I pulled you closer and wrapped my arms tighter around you the more I felt your almost fragile body shake. It seemed to me that if I had let you go, you’d collapse to the floor. How could I leave you alone? The moonlight was the only other witness to your tears. Perhaps the moon can offer some explanation regarding how I feel now? I really don’t know how to explain us.
I don’t know how it happened, but we ended up on my bed, with you curled on my lap. You were still crying, and since your tears had penetrated my shirt to caress my warm chest beneath it, I did away with it. I held you against my chest for the rest of the night, caressing your face as you cried away all your tears. You didn’t need to tell me, but judging from what happened after that night, it must have been him. He broke up with you, didn’t he? I regretted for not taking you away from him Why didn’t I have the courage to do it? Or did I think you’d be happy with him? Were you? Up till this date, I don’t know the answer.
I didn’t sleep the whole night; I only rested my head against yours, taking in the smell of your hair and holding you close to me. When you woke up in the morning, you left me lost once again when you said ‘sorry’ and ran away.
***
Then, just a month ago, we were walking hand in hand on the beach, bathed in the sunlight. We sat on the sandy beach, admiring the sunset. It was so beautiful, but there was one thing in this world that had incomparable beauty. My fingers crawled on the shining sand towards your finger. Closer and closer, until my hand was on top of yours. I drew closer to you. Our lips locked. You closed your eyes. You didn’t resist. I let you go. But you looked at me like you were pleading me for more. And so my other arm found its way to your shoulder and pulled you in for another kiss, and then another, the string of kisses never ending.
The moonlight shone above us again. I towered above you, stroking your hair while your fingers crawled on my back, tracing patterns. I never wanted that night to end, but all good things have to come to an end.
And now I am sitting on the very same beach, but without you.
When the time comes for me to protect someone, the only thing that comes to my mind is your hand.
Comments and criticisms are always welcome <3
In case it's hard to understand, here's a simple explanation of what I wanted to convey:
Mao's lover is Jun's friend, but whenever she gets hurt by him, she will go to Jun. But even before that, she's been showing hints of love for Jun but she doesn't express it further. She doesn't even reject Jun when he advances on her. Then when she finally breaks up with her lover, she goes to Jun, then they get together for a period of time, and then they break up again.