Sep 27, 2007 01:51
I'm not sure who reads this nonsense anymore but it seems a bit more secure than blogger so I have returned. What is new you may ask? Oh, nothing too exciting. I've been playing a lot of music and doing a lot of sitting around. Going out is pointless and staying in is depressing. I've met some really great people lately but still feel as if I have very few I can trust. I worry that those issues will never resolve themselves. I desperately want to be loved again. I just want meaning and it seems hard to find meaning in life when you're not caring for someone else. I've finally determined that I am, in fact, a codependent person. In order to survive, it's necessary for me to have someone pushing me. I'll never succeed without the backing of another individual. It's a hard thing to admit to yourself.
I was kissing a boy today and he is a great conversationalist. I'm very interested in what he has to say. It's rather easy to get a rise out of him and rather adorable as well. We were having a quite steamy make out sesh on his couch and he kept asking me what I was thinking because I'd occasionally become disinterested in continuing. I told him I've ruined the whole notion of kissing for myself because my thoughts go back to the origin of it. I've always known that kissing seemed to bore me after a while but I never directly asked myself why until then. Apparently, I find it to be an antiquated form of affection. Who knew? Anyway, he sort of stammered and told me to never mention something like that to him again. I suppose he is afraid of destroying his fascination with it like I had. A moment later, he grabbed me by the hair and sucked face like no one ever has. I've decided to retract my statement regarding said antiquated practices. He's changed my mind, that revolutionary.
jeez, i'm rusty with the pen.