Session
Kasyn needs to learn to keep his mouth shut...Then again, he's used to having it open for other, more pleasurable reasons that don't involve speaking, so he may just be used to it...May as well articulate while he has the chance.
I noticed that I tended to smile today...mostly while she spoke of "making mistakes" and admitting to them. Yes. Mistakes. As I understand the concept, everyone makes regretable decisions. Why fall pray to the endless cycle of haunting thoughts that accompany it, though?
"Sometimes I think of letting go/And never looking back/And never moving forward/So there'd never be a past." (Linkin Park, "Easier To Run")
She seemed to want to call me a 'creatre of habit' without actually being accusatory. Why is that? Afraid of my temper? More than likely, afraid of what I would do without her around to stop me...she cares too much for the Others.
Why? Why would anyone care about Us at all? Who are we, really?
What are we?
Shadows. Darkness. Ghosts of the past that the mind cannot fully accept.
That is all that we are. That is all that we ever will be.
No matter how hard we try, or what we do, nothing will ever change. Nothing will "save" us. No matter how "good" we are, we will never be granted a full life, a body of our own, our own souls...so, really, where is the incentive to be good?
They all belong to me. I can do with them what I please.
Or...at least, my psuedo-"husband" (oh how that term would destroy him coming from me) and my eldest son (how he flinches at the endearment is beautiful), can take anything I give. My youngest...tempting as he is, reminds me too much of myself. I find myself only capable of so much with him before his tears overwhelm me...I must be more firm in my resolve. He is just another test.
Just like "Harry" is a test. Screaming...struggling...wimpering...it never ceases. Binding him is the easiest thing to do, even if the leather cuts into his skin (I had been hoping that if he bled enough from his struggling he would eventually stop trying to). Kasyn says I am "inhumane" for doing this and insists that I need to love the boy instead of hurt him. Yes, Kasyn, you do that. That is why you are bruised and lacerated; he fights you because you try to hold him without tying him. At least with me he can't do that.
Kasyn feared me throughout my transition. Not the type of fear he shows now, it was a different fear, one that I can't place.
I was gentle with his body, and he closed his mind to me. I can't read minds, but I can sense his thoughts (usually fragments, not whole sentences) if they are strong enough during certain, more intense, moments. Instead of getting a trickle of thought--or even emotion--I received nothing from him. He was even too timid to let me touch him at all, even after I'd proven I had no malicious intentions.
It's back to normal now. I get most of his thoughts (pain, suffering and pleading), genuine fear, and learned acceptance for my touch.
Tommy was rocked to his core when I came for him again. He seemed to default quickly enough...then again, it hadn't been that long that he would forget.
And I didn't take the younger one.
I'm not the one to be asking about that. Though I doubt the guilty party would willingly step forward.
He's so...innocent...after all.
I've given you a clue: you figure it out.
I noticed that I tended to smile today...mostly while she spoke of "making mistakes" and admitting to them. Yes. Mistakes. As I understand the concept, everyone makes regretable decisions. Why fall pray to the endless cycle of haunting thoughts that accompany it, though?
"Sometimes I think of letting go/And never looking back/And never moving forward/So there'd never be a past." (Linkin Park, "Easier To Run")
She seemed to want to call me a 'creatre of habit' without actually being accusatory. Why is that? Afraid of my temper? More than likely, afraid of what I would do without her around to stop me...she cares too much for the Others.
Why? Why would anyone care about Us at all? Who are we, really?
What are we?
Shadows. Darkness. Ghosts of the past that the mind cannot fully accept.
That is all that we are. That is all that we ever will be.
No matter how hard we try, or what we do, nothing will ever change. Nothing will "save" us. No matter how "good" we are, we will never be granted a full life, a body of our own, our own souls...so, really, where is the incentive to be good?
They all belong to me. I can do with them what I please.
Or...at least, my psuedo-"husband" (oh how that term would destroy him coming from me) and my eldest son (how he flinches at the endearment is beautiful), can take anything I give. My youngest...tempting as he is, reminds me too much of myself. I find myself only capable of so much with him before his tears overwhelm me...I must be more firm in my resolve. He is just another test.
Just like "Harry" is a test. Screaming...struggling...wimpering...it never ceases. Binding him is the easiest thing to do, even if the leather cuts into his skin (I had been hoping that if he bled enough from his struggling he would eventually stop trying to). Kasyn says I am "inhumane" for doing this and insists that I need to love the boy instead of hurt him. Yes, Kasyn, you do that. That is why you are bruised and lacerated; he fights you because you try to hold him without tying him. At least with me he can't do that.
Kasyn feared me throughout my transition. Not the type of fear he shows now, it was a different fear, one that I can't place.
I was gentle with his body, and he closed his mind to me. I can't read minds, but I can sense his thoughts (usually fragments, not whole sentences) if they are strong enough during certain, more intense, moments. Instead of getting a trickle of thought--or even emotion--I received nothing from him. He was even too timid to let me touch him at all, even after I'd proven I had no malicious intentions.
It's back to normal now. I get most of his thoughts (pain, suffering and pleading), genuine fear, and learned acceptance for my touch.
Tommy was rocked to his core when I came for him again. He seemed to default quickly enough...then again, it hadn't been that long that he would forget.
And I didn't take the younger one.
I'm not the one to be asking about that. Though I doubt the guilty party would willingly step forward.
He's so...innocent...after all.
I've given you a clue: you figure it out.