He won’t bother me, I can take him…hehehehe… He only said bad things about me behind my back, butthead never did it in front of me. That drugie…. That drunker… im just messing with him too, I have been on and off again friends with him since like 1st grade.
Though honestly that stuff about him made me sad for awhile, not because I cared about him, he can do whatever he wants to himself… as can anyone… but what he did to others… Paul… Such a great kid who like me never got many friends and even when he tried to talk to me I didn’t try that much. But theres a great kid whos best friend for the longest time was Jhon… and Jhon got Paul into that crap… I talk to Paul more now though, I have even gone places with him and hung out. I told him about how I felt about Jhon doing that stuff…. I think he agrees with me… and…. From what I hear… he hurt you too.
I remember the day he broke up with you.. you were screaming in the hallway that he broke up with you… and were running to class… I wanted to run after you… that was one of many times that I wanted to just start talking to you so badly… You might have just torn my head off but I don’t know… I felt so sad that day… and I didn’t even talk to you anymore. I’m sorry for all your hurt Karen…all of it… others that have caused you pain, myself… I always wanted to be the kind of guy that girls could say “all guys suck, but you’re an exception”… I think I failed that one…errr… I’m a work in progress, but I hope I get better as I go.
i can't really say that he's that bad. it's okay, because although what he did was wrong, he's fixing it now and he grew up from it. well, ehough of that. and chris: all guys do suck, and you really are the exception.
I.... dont know what to say to that. I'm not sure if you were being sarcastic or not.
I think you were being sarcastic because it's hard to believe you would say I was the exception when if anyone has a reason to say I suck its you. All guys don't suck, at least I don't believe so. I'm not that great, there are better people then I. Then I... I'll tell you how bad I am, even though I said "then I" my heart was screaming out to say "and ME"... because damnit it just sounds better... Even if its not grammatically correct! Ya see I suck, I have outbursts about words! lol.
I think you were being sarcastic, I can't think of a reason why you would say that if you weren’t being sarcastic. I took it that way at first and laughed, I'm sorry about the John comments if thats why you said that. I was mostly joking around, ive known him forever. He always acted nice around me, its when he wasent around me that he said some mean things. I guess its about time to forgive him for that though, I think I will.
I know I have done alot of bad things myself. I hurt you and i'm very sorry for it. I suck. I try though, I try to be a good person overall. I think I am. I hope I am. I try my best to not do a lot of the things that other guys do that seem so mean to me. I guess I just come up with new ways to suck though, heh. I dont know, I think i'm ok. I'm not horrible I know, I dont think i'm the best. I'm ok. Its better then what I used to believe, I used to think I was the worst. Though I would never want to think I was the best... The person that thinks of himself as the best, is truly the worst. I'm just okay I think.
And here is this whole big conversation I just had with myself over weather or not you were being serious... Well, maybe weather I suck or not is debatable but one thing will always be for sure... i'm weird.
The reason I mentioned that I always wanted to be that kind of guy was because I had heard “all guys suck” so often… I kind of hated hearing it. No matter what I did I wasent able to convince a girl that all guys don’t suck because I don’t know the guys that they know therefore Its not my business I guess. I tried to present myself off as purty okay, but I still get all guys suck…or the famous “your not a guy Chris”…I love that one.
first, i am NOT, i repeat, NOT, being sarcastic. really and truly. you were good to me for a long time and you didn't mean for things to turn out as bad as they did. i just didn't know what else to do. so what? so what if you hurt me? i hurt you too, right? at least a little, and i know deep down it hurt more than that. so we're even. and you really are a great guy. there will be an amazing person for you out there and you won't believe me when i say this, but that person will make any of the loves you had before pale in comparison. you deserve it, chris. you really do. you are a great person. really. believe it. i'm not being sarcastic. i've grown up a lot in the last four years. i'm working my way back to being 17. okay? do you believe me yet?
Science I believe, Biology, common sense… beautiful woman, always baffled me. Heh. I think I might have stole that line from some movie, it sounds firmiler… maybe its mine…I don’t know. Heh.
I’m kidding. It’s a matter of trust no? Billy Joel song, I actually think that one is my favorite now. I always had trust in woman, at times it might have been blind trust but no… no it was always well placed… my faith might have been misplaced at times but the trust was always well placed. You hurt me a lot Karen, so many things haunted me about the bad things. So many unresolved issues that made me so unwilling to share my heart with anyone again. I did manage to share my heart again, never quite consummated yet though.
I had a breakdown once. It was the only time I was truly scared for myself. I had a panic attack. It was because of something this girl said to me and I found myself hyperventilating. I felt so cold, but yet I was sweating. I thought I was going to die. I had at least 6 panic attacks after that. One of them was when I looked back on us and released that I had a mess of unresolved issues that I needed to resolve. I was never able to really talk to you about a lot of those things and there I lie on the floor just trying to breath. That never happened to me ever before. I think I had those panic attacks when I hit rock bottom. I think I finally settled for a dream I had. In that dream school was over and I ran into you on the upstairs floor by the stairs and the elevator and we talked about everything. Thinking at the time that I would never be able to talk to you again that dream brought me relief.
So many things I wanted to know or for you to tell me again. Like that time I asked you to the dance and you called me and said you wouldn’t go with me after you had said you would. I sat there on the phone and couldn’t talk. You said you wished you could know what I was thinking. I was thinking I lost you, I was thinking I tried so hard and steeped up for once in my life in a relationship and I couldn’t capture your heart. And although I have improved dramatically, I still find it hard (in the beginning of a relationship) to ask someone to even spend time with me. I brought a girl to tears because I was so afraid to just come to her house…not even go inside, but just sit on the porch… I brought her to tears because I was so scared… Eventually I did though and I’m glad I did. But it was hard. Anyway, from that phone call on was basically the end of us I guess because I was so very depressed. I figured you didn’t like me anymore… and now I don’t know if that was true. I know you stopped liking me at some point but I’m not sure if it was before that dance because the first time I started talking to you again you told me that the reason you stopped the date with me was because you had a dream that I would be killed or something. Didn’t dive much more into that one… I still don’t know for sure if you that was really why or if you just didn’t want to tell me you didn’t like me or something. Looking back, if its true that you did that because you feared for my life then its kind of sweet…although I really wish you would have presented to me differently. I wish you would have said why right away… though it might have been my fault too because I retreated after that and didn’t really let you talk to me. Sorry about that
A lot of things I wanted to square away but couldn’t. So yeah I was hurt a lot, I don’t dwell on it anymore though. I released some at some point in the past that in the end it was my fault that we missed out on each other because I was stuck in love mode when the thing that made us so great was our friendship. I thought too much about love and I always hurts a relationship. Now I try to not think about that stuff and concentrate on the friendship aspect and if something romantic ever comes about it then all it is a bonus because you got this wonderful friend. Friends make the best couples anyway I believe. I’m a chic flick guy, When Harry Met Sally is like my favorite movie now. Two friends get together, that’s cool. Anyway, I made the mistake of thinking love first and I was wrong and it lead to bad things. So I forgive you for hurting me, I guess you forgive me too and I thank you for that. You were my best friend at that time and the best friend I had to that point and we probably could have remained such. I remember you saying to me that you didn’t want to find a new best friend, and I think I said too bad or something… I’m sorry. I have another best friend now, though lately I think she is growing apart from me. I miss her a lot, and she said some things to me a couple weeks ago that hurt me so badly. Can’t let it get me down too much though. It’s a wonderful thing to know that for at least some point in time I meant a lot to that girl. Its great to know that for at least some time I meant something to you. I was your best friend, and you were mine. Anything else was just a bonus. Thank you for being my best friend.
More things that I never got resolved, I honestly thought for awhile that you forgot anything good I ever did. Because of the back chat I was hearing from various sources. The suicide suhey stuff, I kind of thought you forgot the good stuff and presented to people this really bad side of me. I’m glad to hear you say that you think I was good to you for a very long time. That makes me smile. I enjoyed being your friend. So much so that I walked over a mile everyday to get to my house so I could walk home with you. You were probably a reason I lost all that weight. Heh. I remember this winter day and everyone else had gone home but you and I were outside your house. And we were talking a little and, we hugged. I looked in your eyes and… hmm.. I was so close to kissing you but I was too scared. I think I was thinking “ahhh, I probably have bad breath or something”… OH! Or that time it was all icy at Raintree park and I went sliding on it and I was chasing someone pretending to beat them up. You were laughing. THAT, is a great memory. Nothing will beat that “you and I” thing, I had you DYING on the floor! You were down for the count… took me with you. Heh.
Thank you for your kind words on my future loves. Though I would like to honestly say that although we might have turned out not meant for each other, don’t put yourself down. You were definitely a great love interest, as was every girl I liked. Well…maybe not that girl in Kindergarten, heh. I will always look kindly at you and the few others I liked as people that were great. And besides, its not about being better then the past loves. That’s not possible Karen. No one could be better then you, and you could never be better then anyone else. That’s not how it works. Your all different. You can’t look at love in terms of who is better and worse because that will end up killing you. There all just different.
You Karen, are a great woman. And I trust you. I believe you, but believe me too. Thank you for your kind words, it means a lot to me… though I’m still waiting for that wonderful girl to arrive. Ive been told she would come for along time, the girls I like tend to not like me back though. Heh, I am classic “friend”… but… maybe that’s not so bad. If I can have a little patience maybe one of these days they will figure something out and come to a revelation that I ant so bad. Don’t know, but I wont think that hard about it. Friend first, all that other stuff is just a bonus. Love is a bonus, sex is a bonus, marriage is a bonus, kids are a bonus. The one thing that matters is the friendship, and if you can have that, its all yull ever need. If you can be happy as just a friend, then you have something there. At least, that’s my humble opinion.
thanks for telling me all that. just ask if you have any questions for me. my e-mail is up there in the conversation somewhere. i know you've still got questions about what happened. i do, i just can't dig them up right now. you were the best friend i've ever had too. and looking back, seriously and honestly, i've never quite had a friend like you since. hopefully we'll become really great friends again, and we'll be the best friends people have ever seen. my boyfriend might get jealous of you though! ^.~ so, christopher suhey, do you want to try to be my best friend again?
Awe, I think that’s the first time ever my full name was said in a good manor. Usually its CHRISTOPHER SUHEY STOP THAT!
To answer your question, sounds like fun!
I hope your boyfriend wont start hating me... they usually do... I have a lot of experience in girls boyfriends hating my guts. This girls boyfriend demanded that she stopped seeing me, and that was BEFORE I fell in love with her... I had no love interest in her and he was all over me... errrr... I hope he wont hate me, I guarantee I wont try anything Karen, i'm a pretty moral guy when it comes to other girls and their boyfriends. I could have had sex with this one girl, and I wanted to, I mean I loved her. BUT, she was drunk...and... I just couldn’t do it...wouldn’t even let her kiss me. I wont let myself go for girls with boyfriends because seriously what can come from that? If a girl leaves her boyfriend for me what does that mean? It means she will probably leave me one day for someone else. But anyway that chapter of you and I as love has passed I believe and I dont think im capable of going in that direction again. The love direction anyway...
The friend direction however, oh yeah! That idea is most appealing to me.
Though honestly that stuff about him made me sad for awhile, not because I cared about him, he can do whatever he wants to himself… as can anyone… but what he did to others… Paul… Such a great kid who like me never got many friends and even when he tried to talk to me I didn’t try that much. But theres a great kid whos best friend for the longest time was Jhon… and Jhon got Paul into that crap… I talk to Paul more now though, I have even gone places with him and hung out. I told him about how I felt about Jhon doing that stuff…. I think he agrees with me… and…. From what I hear… he hurt you too.
I remember the day he broke up with you.. you were screaming in the hallway that he broke up with you… and were running to class… I wanted to run after you… that was one of many times that I wanted to just start talking to you so badly… You might have just torn my head off but I don’t know… I felt so sad that day… and I didn’t even talk to you anymore. I’m sorry for all your hurt Karen…all of it… others that have caused you pain, myself… I always wanted to be the kind of guy that girls could say “all guys suck, but you’re an exception”… I think I failed that one…errr… I’m a work in progress, but I hope I get better as I go.
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I.... dont know what to say to that. I'm not sure if you were being sarcastic or not.
I think you were being sarcastic because it's hard to believe you would say I was the exception when if anyone has a reason to say I suck its you. All guys don't suck, at least I don't believe so. I'm not that great, there are better people then I. Then I... I'll tell you how bad I am, even though I said "then I" my heart was screaming out to say "and ME"... because damnit it just sounds better... Even if its not grammatically correct! Ya see I suck, I have outbursts about words! lol.
I think you were being sarcastic, I can't think of a reason why you would say that if you weren’t being sarcastic. I took it that way at first and laughed, I'm sorry about the John comments if thats why you said that. I was mostly joking around, ive known him forever. He always acted nice around me, its when he wasent around me that he said some mean things. I guess its about time to forgive him for that though, I think I will.
I know I have done alot of bad things myself. I hurt you and i'm very sorry for it. I suck. I try though, I try to be a good person overall. I think I am. I hope I am. I try my best to not do a lot of the things that other guys do that seem so mean to me. I guess I just come up with new ways to suck though, heh. I dont know, I think i'm ok. I'm not horrible I know, I dont think i'm the best. I'm ok. Its better then what I used to believe, I used to think I was the worst. Though I would never want to think I was the best... The person that thinks of himself as the best, is truly the worst. I'm just okay I think.
And here is this whole big conversation I just had with myself over weather or not you were being serious... Well, maybe weather I suck or not is debatable but one thing will always be for sure... i'm weird.
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yours?
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:) Took you long enough to ask :p
heh
Want the professional version or the poor version?
Littledaddy8504@yahoo.com is the poor version
BUT!!! THANKS TO MY SBC YAHOO DIAL UP I CAN TURN THE VERY SAME EMAIL INTO A PROFFESSION SOUNDING ONE!!!
Littledaddy8504@prodigy.net
WOOOOO…. I’m a business man now!
Lol
Shot97 if you have AIM
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I’m kidding. It’s a matter of trust no? Billy Joel song, I actually think that one is my favorite now. I always had trust in woman, at times it might have been blind trust but no… no it was always well placed… my faith might have been misplaced at times but the trust was always well placed. You hurt me a lot Karen, so many things haunted me about the bad things. So many unresolved issues that made me so unwilling to share my heart with anyone again. I did manage to share my heart again, never quite consummated yet though.
I had a breakdown once. It was the only time I was truly scared for myself. I had a panic attack. It was because of something this girl said to me and I found myself hyperventilating. I felt so cold, but yet I was sweating. I thought I was going to die. I had at least 6 panic attacks after that. One of them was when I looked back on us and released that I had a mess of unresolved issues that I needed to resolve. I was never able to really talk to you about a lot of those things and there I lie on the floor just trying to breath. That never happened to me ever before. I think I had those panic attacks when I hit rock bottom. I think I finally settled for a dream I had. In that dream school was over and I ran into you on the upstairs floor by the stairs and the elevator and we talked about everything. Thinking at the time that I would never be able to talk to you again that dream brought me relief.
So many things I wanted to know or for you to tell me again. Like that time I asked you to the dance and you called me and said you wouldn’t go with me after you had said you would. I sat there on the phone and couldn’t talk. You said you wished you could know what I was thinking. I was thinking I lost you, I was thinking I tried so hard and steeped up for once in my life in a relationship and I couldn’t capture your heart. And although I have improved dramatically, I still find it hard (in the beginning of a relationship) to ask someone to even spend time with me. I brought a girl to tears because I was so afraid to just come to her house…not even go inside, but just sit on the porch… I brought her to tears because I was so scared… Eventually I did though and I’m glad I did. But it was hard. Anyway, from that phone call on was basically the end of us I guess because I was so very depressed. I figured you didn’t like me anymore… and now I don’t know if that was true. I know you stopped liking me at some point but I’m not sure if it was before that dance because the first time I started talking to you again you told me that the reason you stopped the date with me was because you had a dream that I would be killed or something. Didn’t dive much more into that one… I still don’t know for sure if you that was really why or if you just didn’t want to tell me you didn’t like me or something. Looking back, if its true that you did that because you feared for my life then its kind of sweet…although I really wish you would have presented to me differently. I wish you would have said why right away… though it might have been my fault too because I retreated after that and didn’t really let you talk to me. Sorry about that
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More things that I never got resolved, I honestly thought for awhile that you forgot anything good I ever did. Because of the back chat I was hearing from various sources. The suicide suhey stuff, I kind of thought you forgot the good stuff and presented to people this really bad side of me. I’m glad to hear you say that you think I was good to you for a very long time. That makes me smile. I enjoyed being your friend. So much so that I walked over a mile everyday to get to my house so I could walk home with you. You were probably a reason I lost all that weight. Heh. I remember this winter day and everyone else had gone home but you and I were outside your house. And we were talking a little and, we hugged. I looked in your eyes and… hmm.. I was so close to kissing you but I was too scared. I think I was thinking “ahhh, I probably have bad breath or something”… OH! Or that time it was all icy at Raintree park and I went sliding on it and I was chasing someone pretending to beat them up. You were laughing. THAT, is a great memory. Nothing will beat that “you and I” thing, I had you DYING on the floor! You were down for the count… took me with you. Heh.
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You Karen, are a great woman. And I trust you. I believe you, but believe me too. Thank you for your kind words, it means a lot to me… though I’m still waiting for that wonderful girl to arrive. Ive been told she would come for along time, the girls I like tend to not like me back though. Heh, I am classic “friend”… but… maybe that’s not so bad. If I can have a little patience maybe one of these days they will figure something out and come to a revelation that I ant so bad. Don’t know, but I wont think that hard about it. Friend first, all that other stuff is just a bonus. Love is a bonus, sex is a bonus, marriage is a bonus, kids are a bonus. The one thing that matters is the friendship, and if you can have that, its all yull ever need. If you can be happy as just a friend, then you have something there. At least, that’s my humble opinion.
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Awe, I think that’s the first time ever my full name was said in a good manor. Usually its CHRISTOPHER SUHEY STOP THAT!
To answer your question, sounds like fun!
I hope your boyfriend wont start hating me... they usually do... I have a lot of experience in girls boyfriends hating my guts. This girls boyfriend demanded that she stopped seeing me, and that was BEFORE I fell in love with her... I had no love interest in her and he was all over me... errrr... I hope he wont hate me, I guarantee I wont try anything Karen, i'm a pretty moral guy when it comes to other girls and their boyfriends. I could have had sex with this one girl, and I wanted to, I mean I loved her. BUT, she was drunk...and... I just couldn’t do it...wouldn’t even let her kiss me. I wont let myself go for girls with boyfriends because seriously what can come from that? If a girl leaves her boyfriend for me what does that mean? It means she will probably leave me one day for someone else. But anyway that chapter of you and I as love has passed I believe and I dont think im capable of going in that direction again. The love direction anyway...
The friend direction however, oh yeah! That idea is most appealing to me.
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