My heart has a band aid on it..waiting to be healed
Dustin and I are over.
I broke up with him at 2:30 May 2nd 2006..
basically this all started when we broke up in the beginning of college and I got with that other guy and he could never grow up from that
the truth is that he hasn't grown up...he's immature..ok ok I admit he's way more mature than he was...but still...I can't feel this anymore...I can't feel this guilt
and I've wanted other men....I haven't acted...but I've thought intently about it...and that's not right
blah
I was happy when it happened..I told him he cried because he's a boy and not a man..and I need a man...which is heartless...it's easier to push someone away when you're trying to leave...I finally got the balls..
he asked for the millionth time ever if I wanted to be single..and I finaly said I think that's what I need....and he was like..fine I hope you find what makes you happy...and I'm like fine..and he said goodbye and I said c ya later....
and..then I was happy....but I've been rather numb to it all...not really believing it..but now that I'm about to sleep...I can't...'cause all I think about is...is this a mistake????? did I fuck up my whole future???? and then I think..if it's meant to be it'll come back....and then I get scared...scared for the summmer...scared to be alone...scared to not say I love you
and I haven't cried yet..I've gotten teary eyed..but not cried...who does that? who?? I want to cry so bad but now I feel like it's a challenge...I'll cry in the shower or something..or if my roomies leave me alone in the room...I'll bawl....
I don't know what else to say.....I'm in shock...I'm ok around friends but afraid that if I'm left alone I'll have a panic attack...
everything reminds me of him....everything...'cause frankly..he's all I've ever known..HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO FIX MYSELF....more importantly..can I ever love again...will I always be held back by this first love....how will I move on....why should I.....I'm so scared.....so lost....so relieved...but so scared...
it was the right thing to do right now...but I don't know about down the road....
who the hell's gonna hug me like he does...
I broke up with him at 2:30 May 2nd 2006..
basically this all started when we broke up in the beginning of college and I got with that other guy and he could never grow up from that
the truth is that he hasn't grown up...he's immature..ok ok I admit he's way more mature than he was...but still...I can't feel this anymore...I can't feel this guilt
and I've wanted other men....I haven't acted...but I've thought intently about it...and that's not right
blah
I was happy when it happened..I told him he cried because he's a boy and not a man..and I need a man...which is heartless...it's easier to push someone away when you're trying to leave...I finally got the balls..
he asked for the millionth time ever if I wanted to be single..and I finaly said I think that's what I need....and he was like..fine I hope you find what makes you happy...and I'm like fine..and he said goodbye and I said c ya later....
and..then I was happy....but I've been rather numb to it all...not really believing it..but now that I'm about to sleep...I can't...'cause all I think about is...is this a mistake????? did I fuck up my whole future???? and then I think..if it's meant to be it'll come back....and then I get scared...scared for the summmer...scared to be alone...scared to not say I love you
and I haven't cried yet..I've gotten teary eyed..but not cried...who does that? who?? I want to cry so bad but now I feel like it's a challenge...I'll cry in the shower or something..or if my roomies leave me alone in the room...I'll bawl....
I don't know what else to say.....I'm in shock...I'm ok around friends but afraid that if I'm left alone I'll have a panic attack...
everything reminds me of him....everything...'cause frankly..he's all I've ever known..HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO FIX MYSELF....more importantly..can I ever love again...will I always be held back by this first love....how will I move on....why should I.....I'm so scared.....so lost....so relieved...but so scared...
it was the right thing to do right now...but I don't know about down the road....
who the hell's gonna hug me like he does...