as usual.
I had one of the best nights of my life the other night with my girlfriend. It was to makeup for not being with each other on our anniversary. We had a romantic night, it was nice. I can't write about that right now because she hurts me so much.
Tonight, I don't know if she has ever said more mean stuff, or been this mean to me, ever before. She doesn't want us to work, I know it :( I don't trust her fully and that sucks. She hasn't given me any reason to trust her though. I don't think she's cheating on me or anything, I just feel like she has stuff she hides, guys she hides, and stuff like that. Nothing I'd ever leave her over.
If I bring up a concern of mine in our relationship, she doesn't want to hear it, doesn't want to work it out. When she brings stuff up, I don't say its stupid and then ignore her :( I try to work it out because thats how relationships work. I guess not to her.
I love her, I think everyone knows that. The last thing I want to do is lose her. I just piss her off to much, and I don't do stuff that I think will piss her off, but I bring up topics that make her look bad and then her defense is to get mad back at me and be pissed. She doesn't even know why she is mad, but thats too bad, becuase now she's mad and we are ruined for a while. That's how it always is.
I feel like I have competition. She doesn't do anyting to make me feel any better about it :( I wish she would. I wish she knew how much I love her and want to take her away from all the crap in her life. We're so good when its just us, when there aren't other guys, or anoying girls (of hers) involved. I feel more like a member of her fanclub then her boyfriend. I just feel so hurt but it doesn't even matter to her.
I don't know what to do. I don't mean I don't know whether or not to break up with her, because I KNOW thats not what I want. I just mean I don't know what to do in life. I know she really wants me out of her life. I guess she wants some guy to treat her like a princess and not question her ever. I think some questioning is good, otherwise things might happen.
I need somewhere to go, somewhere other then this house, which I hate. She think's I am stupid because I hate it here. I don't like my family, I don't like Jupiter any more, I don't like this room, this chair I am sitting in, I hate all of it. I just wish I was back in my dorm room where I don't have to worry about anything except eatting my 1 meal, and cleaning. Here, I am useless.
I doubt anyone will take the time to read all of this, but if you do, thanks. JW I'd really like to hang out if you read this, we haven't hung out in a long long time.
I wish I was never born.
Tonight, I don't know if she has ever said more mean stuff, or been this mean to me, ever before. She doesn't want us to work, I know it :( I don't trust her fully and that sucks. She hasn't given me any reason to trust her though. I don't think she's cheating on me or anything, I just feel like she has stuff she hides, guys she hides, and stuff like that. Nothing I'd ever leave her over.
If I bring up a concern of mine in our relationship, she doesn't want to hear it, doesn't want to work it out. When she brings stuff up, I don't say its stupid and then ignore her :( I try to work it out because thats how relationships work. I guess not to her.
I love her, I think everyone knows that. The last thing I want to do is lose her. I just piss her off to much, and I don't do stuff that I think will piss her off, but I bring up topics that make her look bad and then her defense is to get mad back at me and be pissed. She doesn't even know why she is mad, but thats too bad, becuase now she's mad and we are ruined for a while. That's how it always is.
I feel like I have competition. She doesn't do anyting to make me feel any better about it :( I wish she would. I wish she knew how much I love her and want to take her away from all the crap in her life. We're so good when its just us, when there aren't other guys, or anoying girls (of hers) involved. I feel more like a member of her fanclub then her boyfriend. I just feel so hurt but it doesn't even matter to her.
I don't know what to do. I don't mean I don't know whether or not to break up with her, because I KNOW thats not what I want. I just mean I don't know what to do in life. I know she really wants me out of her life. I guess she wants some guy to treat her like a princess and not question her ever. I think some questioning is good, otherwise things might happen.
I need somewhere to go, somewhere other then this house, which I hate. She think's I am stupid because I hate it here. I don't like my family, I don't like Jupiter any more, I don't like this room, this chair I am sitting in, I hate all of it. I just wish I was back in my dorm room where I don't have to worry about anything except eatting my 1 meal, and cleaning. Here, I am useless.
I doubt anyone will take the time to read all of this, but if you do, thanks. JW I'd really like to hang out if you read this, we haven't hung out in a long long time.
I wish I was never born.