Memphis trip
Memphis was fun. Gave my parents a chance to spend lots of quality time with HAA & vice versa. It was quite fun to be together and I thoroughly enjoyed time with the baby. H quizzed my dad about his professional life and it was really fun for me to hear my dad's stories and career. I had known some of it, but most was new to me and I was glad that he knew what questions to ask etc. H also had some suggestions for my father on his company and it was good to chat about these things. Made me think through 3 things:
1) I'm interested in business and management and should consider my career with that interest in mind.
2) I am lazy and am not achieving enough daily at my workplace. A regular problem since I joined the workforce and a hard thing to confront.
3) Observing these high achievers, I can see that they both have partnerships where the other spouse takes on what they miss, such as social relationships and domestic administration. D and I discussed our partnership with respect to our achievements or goals for the same. If I got more into management (which I could see happening if I pursued the CM role) and spent free time managing social relationships as I am wont to do already, we could see that he would feel cornered into doing chores around the house.
The first step for us both is to be more efficient at work than we are, if we even want to get to the achievement stage at all. And then awareness will precede any solutions.
At Memphis our hosts had reorganized the 75th birthday celebrations and "pujai" (worship) of M's mom (M is a childhood family friend of my mother and a long time colleague of my father). The food was excellent and my mother gave a singing performance for the ceremony. She was accompanied ably by a percussionist who was excellent. All in all a very contented time for me to have both my parents with us and being able to enjoy life together as normal. The celebrations were grand, we all dressed up, the food was delicious, the baby was so cute, and I even had a chance to listen to stories from the 1940's from M's parents including stories of the beginning of their 60 year marriage. We were also well appreciated. M talked about how much my parents and we meant to him to all the 35 odd guests before mom's performance.
Stories from India 1946: Uncle was 24 years old and already a bit over the hill for a wedding. Most boys got married right around 20-21 or so. He was not ready and worked in the Forces in Coimbatore. In the 30's and 40's, he worked alongside many white women which he enjoyed but his mother would be uncomfortable about. To allay her suspicions he once brought home a while female colleague and asked his mother to dress her up in a "madisaar" (9 yards Tamil traditional style). The lady was excited about getting to wear Indian clothes and continued to come home for all events and ceremonies. Thus was he able to somehow push away an impending wedding for a few years.
At 24, his family realize that he was getting old enough that finding a bride would be difficult. Girls got married at 11 & 12 and 13, thus 14 & 15 were considered quite old for a bride. Finding Aunty at the age of 14.5 was quite a challenge and when he did, a friend from Delhi took an airplane to Coimbatore (they were in the forces remember) to convince him to not let this alliance go.
Aunty was married to uncle at an age when she says, "I did not even know what the world meant". After a 4 day wedding, Uncle took her back the distance between Kumbhakonam and Papanasam across three rivers, on a bullock cart. On the journey she was afraid of the night time forest noises thinking that they were ghosts. Uncle explained how he first scared her by telling her the truth - that it was probably foxes or other animals, but then calmed her down by telling he would protect her.
By 1947 they were expected to have children. However, this couple was yet childless and Uncle didn't much care. He was definitely a bit absorbed by the changing times and independence. 1948 came and went and his family hadn't yet mustered up courage to ask why they were childless. In 1949 his mother finally hatched a plot to have his older brother visit them so he could ask the question. His older brother made a long journey to their home and established that it was not for lack of trying.
As a result of this visit Uncle arranged a medical checkup for them both at Vellore hospital in 1950. For this journey the couple took a train to Katpadi and then paid one "panam" (equal to 2 "annas" and 3 paisa - because there were then 192 paisa to a Rupee) for the "maatu vandi" (bullock cart) trip from Katpadi to Vellore. (My father later added that there were 16 "dambudus" to a Rupeee, but I forget now how the "panam" relates to the "dambudu" or how much 1 "anna" was)
At Vellore the regular doctors were a bit stumped, but an American lady, Mrs. Norman was there on sabbatical. She checked Aunty and found a block in her fallopian tube and was able to solve the problem. In the meanwhile Uncle had reconnected with an old classmate of his, now the chief pathologist at Vellore, entirely by coincidence, and they had a place to stay while the medical procedures were conducted.
In 1951 they had their first child. This was the first time that our host had heard that he owed his life to an American and that so did his 5 siblings.
It was great to be able to hear stories from the past and see a continuum of life and learning in place. From an 1930's generation to a 1 year old baby discovering the world much the same way that they would have done.
An excellent trip full of merriment and laughter, good food and purpose. I'm so grateful to have my parents with me and family times. I have missed them much.
1) I'm interested in business and management and should consider my career with that interest in mind.
2) I am lazy and am not achieving enough daily at my workplace. A regular problem since I joined the workforce and a hard thing to confront.
3) Observing these high achievers, I can see that they both have partnerships where the other spouse takes on what they miss, such as social relationships and domestic administration. D and I discussed our partnership with respect to our achievements or goals for the same. If I got more into management (which I could see happening if I pursued the CM role) and spent free time managing social relationships as I am wont to do already, we could see that he would feel cornered into doing chores around the house.
The first step for us both is to be more efficient at work than we are, if we even want to get to the achievement stage at all. And then awareness will precede any solutions.
At Memphis our hosts had reorganized the 75th birthday celebrations and "pujai" (worship) of M's mom (M is a childhood family friend of my mother and a long time colleague of my father). The food was excellent and my mother gave a singing performance for the ceremony. She was accompanied ably by a percussionist who was excellent. All in all a very contented time for me to have both my parents with us and being able to enjoy life together as normal. The celebrations were grand, we all dressed up, the food was delicious, the baby was so cute, and I even had a chance to listen to stories from the 1940's from M's parents including stories of the beginning of their 60 year marriage. We were also well appreciated. M talked about how much my parents and we meant to him to all the 35 odd guests before mom's performance.
Stories from India 1946: Uncle was 24 years old and already a bit over the hill for a wedding. Most boys got married right around 20-21 or so. He was not ready and worked in the Forces in Coimbatore. In the 30's and 40's, he worked alongside many white women which he enjoyed but his mother would be uncomfortable about. To allay her suspicions he once brought home a while female colleague and asked his mother to dress her up in a "madisaar" (9 yards Tamil traditional style). The lady was excited about getting to wear Indian clothes and continued to come home for all events and ceremonies. Thus was he able to somehow push away an impending wedding for a few years.
At 24, his family realize that he was getting old enough that finding a bride would be difficult. Girls got married at 11 & 12 and 13, thus 14 & 15 were considered quite old for a bride. Finding Aunty at the age of 14.5 was quite a challenge and when he did, a friend from Delhi took an airplane to Coimbatore (they were in the forces remember) to convince him to not let this alliance go.
Aunty was married to uncle at an age when she says, "I did not even know what the world meant". After a 4 day wedding, Uncle took her back the distance between Kumbhakonam and Papanasam across three rivers, on a bullock cart. On the journey she was afraid of the night time forest noises thinking that they were ghosts. Uncle explained how he first scared her by telling her the truth - that it was probably foxes or other animals, but then calmed her down by telling he would protect her.
By 1947 they were expected to have children. However, this couple was yet childless and Uncle didn't much care. He was definitely a bit absorbed by the changing times and independence. 1948 came and went and his family hadn't yet mustered up courage to ask why they were childless. In 1949 his mother finally hatched a plot to have his older brother visit them so he could ask the question. His older brother made a long journey to their home and established that it was not for lack of trying.
As a result of this visit Uncle arranged a medical checkup for them both at Vellore hospital in 1950. For this journey the couple took a train to Katpadi and then paid one "panam" (equal to 2 "annas" and 3 paisa - because there were then 192 paisa to a Rupee) for the "maatu vandi" (bullock cart) trip from Katpadi to Vellore. (My father later added that there were 16 "dambudus" to a Rupeee, but I forget now how the "panam" relates to the "dambudu" or how much 1 "anna" was)
At Vellore the regular doctors were a bit stumped, but an American lady, Mrs. Norman was there on sabbatical. She checked Aunty and found a block in her fallopian tube and was able to solve the problem. In the meanwhile Uncle had reconnected with an old classmate of his, now the chief pathologist at Vellore, entirely by coincidence, and they had a place to stay while the medical procedures were conducted.
In 1951 they had their first child. This was the first time that our host had heard that he owed his life to an American and that so did his 5 siblings.
It was great to be able to hear stories from the past and see a continuum of life and learning in place. From an 1930's generation to a 1 year old baby discovering the world much the same way that they would have done.
An excellent trip full of merriment and laughter, good food and purpose. I'm so grateful to have my parents with me and family times. I have missed them much.