(no subject)
life is very complicated and frustrating and i think the part i hate the most is that there are some things you just can't do anything about..like my situation with matt...y do i have to feel like this? it would be so much easier if my feelings would just dissapear and we were just friends...i hate this...i hate not being able to go even a day without thinking about him and wanting to talk to him....y am i acting like this? y have i become...obsessive? about this? i guess thats the word i should use..i don't know. Then i keep thinking..well y did he have to be married and y did he have to be 22 and y did he have to have a little boy! i want him so bad but not just in a sexual way...he is sweet and everything he does seems to make me feel good inside...but then the facts come back into my mind...hes married, with a child, and hes 22....i hate this.
one of my friends that i might like more than a friend got hurt at the football game...and like a dork, i cried. Devin Oliver....i guess it started out as just flirting and playing around but i think i have feelings for him...i'm not sure...not with everything going on with matt...but then devin is closer to my age...but wait! hes a sophmore! i hate this...i can't find guys my own got damn age because i'm a fucking loser...i hate this! he got hurt at the football game last nite...he was really pissed off and upset because of it...the medics on the field said that he hyperextended his right knee and he might have torn a ligament...but the docs at the hospital that nite (he called me at 1 when he got home) said that because there is so much swelling and fluids in his knee, they can't tell exactly what is wrong...so he has to wait until Tuesday to go back so that his knee has a chance to stop the swelling and everything. I held his hand and Alana and i cried, after seeing Devin's mom crying. Why did it have to be him? it couldn't have been anyone else!?
tonite has been a bad nite...i had being depressed...
so now i'm gonna go cry...gnite everyone
one of my friends that i might like more than a friend got hurt at the football game...and like a dork, i cried. Devin Oliver....i guess it started out as just flirting and playing around but i think i have feelings for him...i'm not sure...not with everything going on with matt...but then devin is closer to my age...but wait! hes a sophmore! i hate this...i can't find guys my own got damn age because i'm a fucking loser...i hate this! he got hurt at the football game last nite...he was really pissed off and upset because of it...the medics on the field said that he hyperextended his right knee and he might have torn a ligament...but the docs at the hospital that nite (he called me at 1 when he got home) said that because there is so much swelling and fluids in his knee, they can't tell exactly what is wrong...so he has to wait until Tuesday to go back so that his knee has a chance to stop the swelling and everything. I held his hand and Alana and i cried, after seeing Devin's mom crying. Why did it have to be him? it couldn't have been anyone else!?
tonite has been a bad nite...i had being depressed...
so now i'm gonna go cry...gnite everyone