I am writing....
I have been in a weird mood lately, to say the least. I have in my own way written some poetry, I guess you could call it that. But it's my feelings, and I am proud of them and want to save them so I am updating my journal to include them. I know I said a while back that I would update this, but I honestly don't feel like it, so maybe later, until then, here are some of my thoughts.
Feelings out of rejection:
I don't want to get to know you anymore, I don't want to see you or think about you or hear about you, but I can't get you out of my head. No matter how far I run, you're always there...I can't hide from you, I can't seem to stay away from you, I'm drawn like a moth to a flame, asking to get hurt....what's wrong with me.....why do I do this to myself?
I need to change, but I don't even know in which direction to take my first step.
Lost and confused and feeling downright foolish.
Kristan
New Beginnings:
I'm changing, I'm learning, I'm fighting.
I'm adapting, I'm questioning, I'm fighting.
Who am I, I don't know
What am I becoming, I don't know.
When will I know who I really am, I don't know.
Where am I going, I don't know.
Why is my reflection so different from what I am, I don't know.
I don't know who I am, my mind and heart are fighting, but they are learning to accept one another.
I don't know what I'm becoming, but I know it will be something better.
I don't know when, but someday I will be happy with what I see in me.
I don't know where I'm going, but I"m moving forward.
I don't know why, but its time to change.
I look in the mirror and the reflection looking at me is that of a strangers.
I yearn to understand it, I desperately want to know the real me, but I'm scared. Yes, I am scared, not of what I will become, but because of the changes that will occur to fit the real me. Will you be ready, are you willing to adapt? It's time, my number is up, its time to represent the real me.
Feelings out of rejection:
I don't want to get to know you anymore, I don't want to see you or think about you or hear about you, but I can't get you out of my head. No matter how far I run, you're always there...I can't hide from you, I can't seem to stay away from you, I'm drawn like a moth to a flame, asking to get hurt....what's wrong with me.....why do I do this to myself?
I need to change, but I don't even know in which direction to take my first step.
Lost and confused and feeling downright foolish.
Kristan
New Beginnings:
I'm changing, I'm learning, I'm fighting.
I'm adapting, I'm questioning, I'm fighting.
Who am I, I don't know
What am I becoming, I don't know.
When will I know who I really am, I don't know.
Where am I going, I don't know.
Why is my reflection so different from what I am, I don't know.
I don't know who I am, my mind and heart are fighting, but they are learning to accept one another.
I don't know what I'm becoming, but I know it will be something better.
I don't know when, but someday I will be happy with what I see in me.
I don't know where I'm going, but I"m moving forward.
I don't know why, but its time to change.
I look in the mirror and the reflection looking at me is that of a strangers.
I yearn to understand it, I desperately want to know the real me, but I'm scared. Yes, I am scared, not of what I will become, but because of the changes that will occur to fit the real me. Will you be ready, are you willing to adapt? It's time, my number is up, its time to represent the real me.