shit
i sucker fucked the plan tonight... mick bought me a pack of camel wides, and gave me two vikadens, and i didnt refuse... i feel weak. even though my intentions when well, and me leaving vegas to come to westmont was done so that i could get healthy again, and to love again, or to be worthy of love again, i feel that i may have lost sheris trust and love for good.
i flipped out on her again, and called her a whore over the cuban thing. i dont know if she can put up with me much longer. everything is falling apart, and it's my own fault. i've been so unfair to her. how can i not see how poorly i treat her? if she finds something else, she'll be happy, and thats all i want her to be, but my own happieness will be lost. i only hope that there is still time to fix myself back up, to put myself together and be a man worth having her in my corner. do you hear me sheri? i pray that it's in time. i pray that i can retie the unbreakable knot i've severed between us. i picked up the pen, the guitar and the backpack all in the name of being worth living, but i've lost what honor i had before, i lost the ability to see what has been in front of me. i feel so weak.
ps mick talked his way out of teaching me any new guitar anything yet again... why does he loath teaching me so much? it was him that offered, a year ago... why has he taught me nothing? he has so much talent, and i never hear it or see it but in remenisence. i wish i could reach in his soul and steal that talent, and rob him of all memories of it as well. those with mouths full of food rarely realize how good it taste...
i flipped out on her again, and called her a whore over the cuban thing. i dont know if she can put up with me much longer. everything is falling apart, and it's my own fault. i've been so unfair to her. how can i not see how poorly i treat her? if she finds something else, she'll be happy, and thats all i want her to be, but my own happieness will be lost. i only hope that there is still time to fix myself back up, to put myself together and be a man worth having her in my corner. do you hear me sheri? i pray that it's in time. i pray that i can retie the unbreakable knot i've severed between us. i picked up the pen, the guitar and the backpack all in the name of being worth living, but i've lost what honor i had before, i lost the ability to see what has been in front of me. i feel so weak.
ps mick talked his way out of teaching me any new guitar anything yet again... why does he loath teaching me so much? it was him that offered, a year ago... why has he taught me nothing? he has so much talent, and i never hear it or see it but in remenisence. i wish i could reach in his soul and steal that talent, and rob him of all memories of it as well. those with mouths full of food rarely realize how good it taste...