Fractures
I don't understand.
I don't understand.
I just don't understand how I have the complete ability to feel so much in what I read, what I see, what I hear but feel absolutely nothing in my own life. It's like I am drowning in this disgusting, murky water of ambiguity, debating between the risk of swallowing filthy water as I thrash about or just looking around, observing, numb to the fact that it is me in the middle of it all. How can I not know my own feelings or myself? At what moment did this fracture occur between my physical body and my inner self?
Sitting in this water, every day, not thrashing about but just watching, silently, like somewhere inside of me there isn't this voice screaming desperately "Do something! Swim! Do SOMETHING!" I have begun to wonder whether or not after all the things that have occurred to my life, I have lost the ability not to feel, because I do plenty of that, but to feel anything about anything personally significant to myself. Because if I did, I'd run the greater risk of having to deal with whatever I ended up feeling since you can control your feelings no more than the world around you.
I don't understand.
I just don't understand how I have the complete ability to feel so much in what I read, what I see, what I hear but feel absolutely nothing in my own life. It's like I am drowning in this disgusting, murky water of ambiguity, debating between the risk of swallowing filthy water as I thrash about or just looking around, observing, numb to the fact that it is me in the middle of it all. How can I not know my own feelings or myself? At what moment did this fracture occur between my physical body and my inner self?
Sitting in this water, every day, not thrashing about but just watching, silently, like somewhere inside of me there isn't this voice screaming desperately "Do something! Swim! Do SOMETHING!" I have begun to wonder whether or not after all the things that have occurred to my life, I have lost the ability not to feel, because I do plenty of that, but to feel anything about anything personally significant to myself. Because if I did, I'd run the greater risk of having to deal with whatever I ended up feeling since you can control your feelings no more than the world around you.