(no subject)
"I'm fairly sure that somebody is holding a clock in his hands and spinning the hands faster and faster so that the only thing I can do is keep scurrying along like a hamster on a wheel."
He laughed with his usual, calm, unhurried, peaceful chuckle. "But a cute hamster."
I dug my elbow into his side. "Not funny. How do you do it?"
"Do what?"
So many things. How do you not get upset over anything, how are you so perfect, how do you make me believe in one moment that we're both just friends and so much more? How do you please everyone when I can please no one at all? So many questions I couldn't settle on. "How do you just act like there isn't a ticking clock over your shoulder, all the time?"
"Because there isn't. You let the world carry you along faster because you don't stick your heels in the mud and slow yourself down. Nobody who does that is ever happy because you're never going to catch up. It's just like that rabbit that no dog can ever catch. It doesn't exist. They just want you to think that it does so that you will work all the faster and forget your life. I just refuse to forget my life."
"That makes absolutely no sense because you do everything so well. If you were a slacker it would make more sense to me."
He turned to face me, his blue eyes pouring down into mine and put his nose against mine and laughed. "Just take life in. You worry too much."
He laughed with his usual, calm, unhurried, peaceful chuckle. "But a cute hamster."
I dug my elbow into his side. "Not funny. How do you do it?"
"Do what?"
So many things. How do you not get upset over anything, how are you so perfect, how do you make me believe in one moment that we're both just friends and so much more? How do you please everyone when I can please no one at all? So many questions I couldn't settle on. "How do you just act like there isn't a ticking clock over your shoulder, all the time?"
"Because there isn't. You let the world carry you along faster because you don't stick your heels in the mud and slow yourself down. Nobody who does that is ever happy because you're never going to catch up. It's just like that rabbit that no dog can ever catch. It doesn't exist. They just want you to think that it does so that you will work all the faster and forget your life. I just refuse to forget my life."
"That makes absolutely no sense because you do everything so well. If you were a slacker it would make more sense to me."
He turned to face me, his blue eyes pouring down into mine and put his nose against mine and laughed. "Just take life in. You worry too much."