Comments | shoeboxrpg: RP: In which cake really, REALLY cannot save him.

regulust in shoeboxrpg

RP: In which cake really, REALLY cannot save him.

Mar 25, 2007 05:25

Date: November 28, 1976
Characters: Regulus Black/Bartholomew Avery
Status: Private
Summary: Regulus Black has certainly seen happier days. Happier days when the Regugroin did not bring SCORN.
Status: Incomplete

( So WHAT if Regulus lacked womanly bits?! )

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averyateyourmom March 25 2007, 09:52:09 UTC

Avery was disgruntled. It could be said that Avery is ALWAYS rather disgruntled, but today he was particularly disgruntled for many a reason.

For one, Regulus was being a PISSY LITTLE GIRL AND NOT AT ALL ATTRACTIVE OR WONDERFUL. HE WAS BEING ANNOYING. AND ANGRY. AND NOT GOOD. NOT GOOD AT ALL.

He wanted another reason, but he just didn't have on, and as he stormed into the room, he didn't take note of Regulus' clothes, only of the fact that there was a Regulus, and that that Regulus was being a PRISSY LITTLE GIRL and neded to be PROPERLY PUT INTO PLACE.

SO, what if he didn't have another reason?!?!? IT WAS PERFECTLY NORMAL TO HAVE YOUR DAY RUINED BY YOUR FRIEND. DAYS, EVEN.

YEAH A WEEK, SO WHAT.

"YOU!"

With lots of yelling ad menacing looks.

"YOU!"

regulust March 25 2007, 10:03:08 UTC

Just as Regulus was admiring his work of genius, he was SO rudely interrupting by someone who was YELLING AT HIM.

THE NERVE.

Regulus spun around and glared at Avery.

"YOU."

Regulus narrowed his eyes.

"YOUIf he was going to play the "YOU" game, SO WOULD REGULUS. There was absolutely nothing off-limits now, not after Avery proving himself to be the most gigantic sort of wanker that Regulus ever met in his ENTIRE LIFE ( ... )

averyateyourmom March 25 2007, 10:09:06 UTC

"I LIVE HERE. YOU CAN'T BAN ME FROM HERE."

Avery was INDIGNANT. HE LIVED IN THIS ROOM. HIS THINGS WERE HERE. HE COULDN'T BAN HIM FROM HIS OWN ROOM. HE WAS SURE. ...Or kind of sure. WHATEVER. REGULUS WAS BEING A PRISSY LITTLE ARSEHOLE, WASN'T HE?

"IMPORTANT? When do you EVER do anything important?" Avery said, making a face.

Now that was mean. Regulus did many important things. And Regulus was nice.

...NO HE WASN'T GOOD GOD, HE WASN'T NICE, HE WAS A BITCHY LITTLE FUCKER WEARING A DRESS. HE WAS JUST THAT. A BITCHY LITTLE FUCKER. AND IN A DRESS. DAMMIT. DRESS, WHAT THE HELL.

"I LIVE here, you great wankface," Avery snarled, pushing past him roughly to enter the room.

regulust March 25 2007, 10:19:10 UTC

"I CAN BAN YOU FROM HERE IF I WANT TO!" Regulus was tempted to stomp like a little child but that might not exactly be to his benefit right now, "I mean, YOU left here the other day so that might as well have been you saying you DON'T want to stay here ( ... )

averyateyourmom March 25 2007, 10:27:06 UTC

"I'M NOT A FUCKING PIRATE YOU FLOWERY TWAT," Avery said, stomping over to Regulus to yell in his face. It made more of an impact. MANLY MEN WHO AREN'T PIRATEY DID THIS. ALL THE TIME. YOU KNOW. NO MORE PIRATES. PIRATES WERE FAIL AND THEY SHOULD BE BANISHED TO FUCKING SIBERIA WITH THE FUCKING FUTURE POTTER SPAWN.

"SHUT UP, YOU STUPID HOE FACE. I DO LIVE HERE. AND I'M NOT A PIRATE GOD DAMMIT, AND ITS YOU WHO IS AN IMMENSLY LARGE FLOWERY POOFTER WHO WAS SNOGGING WILL NOTT AND YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKING WHORE," Avery yelled. He wasn't JEALOUS. HE WAS CONCERNED. CONCERNED.

STUPID PIRATES, STUPID POTTER SPAWN, STUPID NUNS, STUPID SIBERIA, STUPID STUPID STUIPID STUPID. STUPID WILL NOTT, THAT LITTLE FUCKER. THE HELL WAS W-

AVERY WAS NOT JEALOUS.

regulust March 25 2007, 10:43:01 UTC

INSULT INSULT INSULT.

YELL YELL YELL.

Regulus could not, quite frankly, give a damn.

Avery was a giant yelling pirate, a GREAT BIG GIANT YELLING PIRATE MAN WHO WASN'T EVEN WORTH LISTENING TO.

OR taking seriously.

"Fine, sure. You're REALLY not a PIRATE, like I believe that. And I'm all those TERRIBLE things and I'm SO INCREDIBLY WOUNDED. I mean look at me. WEEPING. How about you save it because I really, honestly DO NO CA- "

Regulus stopped.

There was NO WAY. NO WAY that Avery could KNOW. Yet he just SAID IT and HE HAD ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT KNOWING ANY OF IT. And it sort of hurt.

"YOU!" Regulus abandoned all hope of controlling his temper which had been quite active lately, "YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT SAYING THAT OR KNOWING ABOUT IT OR ANYTHING. YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ANYWAYS. I COVERED THE STUPID BIT, DIDN'T I?! YOU DO NOT KNOW A THING ABOUT ME, OR ABOUT WILL, OR .. OR WHAT HAPPENED. EVEN THOUGH NOTHING HAPPENED AND I AM NOT A WHORE AND I AM NOT A POOFTER EITHER BECAUSE ACTUALLY, I'M A GIRL. AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT. ( ... )

averyateyourmom March 25 2007, 10:50:18 UTC

Avery officially lost his mind.

He had paperwork and everything. A little shiny pin that certified him insane.

In the span of five seconds, much of Avery's intended life path was changed. For one, Avery liked to make lists. So, in this extreme state of chaos, Avery made a list in his mind.

One; Avery threw Regulus' wand on the bed behind him with a fair amount of force.

Two; Avery growled. Loudly and menacingly and also very half-insanely.

And three, what truly makes him insane;

Avery grabbed Regulus with an insane amount of force and crashed his lips to his.

regulust March 25 2007, 11:06:25 UTC

SHIT.

NOT GOOD.

NO WAND. REALLY BIG PIRATEY MAN. ANGRY PIRATEY MAN. NO WAND. OH SHIT. REGULUS DOOMED.

DOOMED.

Regulus whimpered and shut his eyes, waiting for DEATH. BECAUSE HE WAS DOOMED AND OH GOD HIS MOTHER WOULD BE INCREDIBLY ANGRY IF HE DIED. DEAD PEOPLE CAN'T MAKE HEIRS. I mean at least if he was alive, he could still make...buttbabies?! SURELY THEY EXIST?! FOR HEIRS OF CURRENT HEIRS THAT HAPPEN TO BE VERY, VERY GAY?!There was no death. Regulus was wondering what was taking death so long. At least if he had to die by some sort of piratey means, make it quick and painless ( ... )

averyateyourmom March 25 2007, 11:12:35 UTC

Avery knew what he was doing. He wasn't disillusioning himself. He wasn't making EXCUSES BECAUSE GOD DAMMIT.

HE WAS KISSING REGULUS BLACK AND HE LIKED IT.

AVERY WAS OBVIOUSLY A PIRATE OF THE WORST DEGREE AND HE JUST KEPT KISSING REGULUS BECAUSE WHAT ELSE TO DO? There was nothing else. Also because air meant words and words meant confrontation, and he wondered idly if Regulus knew he was 4 inches off of the ground or not.

It wasn't the shit that romance novel were made of and it wasn't fucking POOFTER LOVE.

This was...

alksdnf.

This was THIS, GOD DAMMIT. AND HE WASN'T MAKING EXCUSES TO YOU

regulust March 25 2007, 11:18:32 UTC

In Regulus's defense, he TRIED to ask what exactly the meaning of all of this was.

He TRIED.

But it came out more like "Hrmphrrrpmfprhrprrmrph!??!?!?!" than anything remotely resembling what he had intended to ask.

AGAIN. NOT HIS FAULT.

THIS REALLY WAS NOT REGULUS'S FAULT AT ALL. It was ALL on Avery's head.

But hm. Regulus pondered something.

Avery really HATED it when Regulus did certain things. HE POSITIVELY LOATHED IT, DIDN'T HE?

So Regulus, obviously filled with all kinds of spite and evil intentions and certainly NOTHING ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS ANGRY AND NOTHING ELSE, not-so-subtly stuck a hand right down Avery's pants.

Regulus couldn't even pronounce Avery's first name so really, a hand down the pants was surely a thing of SPITE AND ANGER AND OH HE WAS GETTING EVEN WITH HIM FOR THIS KISSING BUSINESS and making the Regugroin SPRING TO LIFE.

averyateyourmom March 25 2007, 21:47:31 UTC

Avery pulled away form Regulus with a horrible suction sounding sound, breathing heavily and wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. He was startled out of his usually-not-very-abundant-in-the-first-place-wits and he was COMPLETELY and UTTERLY CONFUSED.

He started it. It wasn't even something he could blame on Regulus because he practically JUMPED him anyway. HE WAS STILL ANGRY. REALLY. KIND OF. ANGRY. YEAH.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO ME?" Avery yelled, clutching at his hair and turning on his heel, pacing towards a wall before turning around again. This was FRUSTRATING, GOD DAMMIT. HE DIDN'T LIKE BEING FRUSTRATED, NO HE DIDN'T AND HE DIDN'T DO THIS ON PURPOSE OKAY, BECAUSE HE DIDN'T.

"YOU'VE...YOU'VE HEXED ME OR SOMETHING BECAUSE I'VE CLEARLY LOST MY MIND AND I DON'T LOSE MY MIND!"

regulust March 25 2007, 22:17:40 UTC

"Oh you're just RIDICULOUS," Regulus took a moment to catch his breath then. It was difficult to yell when he was so out of breath and he was rather thankful for the skirt as it didn't show certain..er.. things that would be more obvious in pants ( ... )

averyateyourmom March 25 2007, 22:37:14 UTC

"YOU ARE TOO BECAUSE THIS ISN'T NATURAL," Avery yelled, narrowing his eyes and throwing up his arms, turning around again and letting out a yell of frustration. NONE OF THIS EVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF REGULUS WASN'T HERE. HE WOULD'VE BEEN OUTSIDE WITH AUGGIE AND BALDEN, MAYBE DOING SOMETHING, BUT INSTEAD HE WAS HERE YELLING.

AND HOLY FUCK REGULUS' HAND WAS DOWN HIS PANTS BEFORE AND HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT WHICH WAS ONLY A TESTIMONIAL TO HIS INSANITY.

All Avery saw was BLIND ANGER, and a DRESS WHAT THE HELL.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING, YOU AREN'T A GIRL FOR FUCK'S SAKE. YOU ACT ENOUGH LIKE ONE, BUT YOU AREN'T A GIRL."

Avery was SO CONFUSED. He was something beyond confused. Something more like flabbergasted and then suddenly GUILTY, and then ANGRY, AND HE WAS LIKE A GIRL ON HER FUCKING PMS OR WHATEVER THE HELL WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS SHIT.

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT, YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT A WHORE, FUCK REGULUS. AND I DON'T KNOW. THAT'S THE ONLY PLAUSIBLE EXPLANATION BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE, OKAY? YOU ARE A BOY, AND ( ... )

regulust March 25 2007, 23:23:02 UTC

"NO. YOU ARE RIDICULOUS. THIS HAS NOTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH NATURE," Regulus flailed and looked at a VERY ridiculous Avery who was reacting VERY MUCH LIKE A RIDICULOUS PERSON WOULD. "YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN RIDICULOUS. WITH YOUR WEIRD FEARS AND LEAVING AND MOST OF ALL THE LEAVING WHICH I HATE. I HATE THE LEAVING AND IT MAKES ME ANGRY ( ... )

averyateyourmom March 26 2007, 00:10:45 UTC

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE A FUCKING GIRL," Avery yelled, VERY loudly indeed, so loudly that he probably scared many first years to death and beyond with the SHEER FORCE of this yell in particular. "WILL NOTT CAN'T KISS YOU ANYMORE. HE CAN'T. HE NEEDS TO GO FUCK SOME SORT OF DONKEY OR THAT LITTLE BITCH THAT WON'T GIVE ANY BECAUSE YOU CANOT BE SNOGGED BY HIM ANY LONGER.Avery didn't know what- he didn't know what that MEANT. He didn't LIKE the thought of Regulus kissing Will Nott because Will Nott was a prissy wanker who wanted Regulus to CHANGE but Regulus SHOULDN'T have to change for ANYONE because ( ... )

regulust March 26 2007, 00:31:49 UTC

"THEN WHY DO YOU MAKE SUCH AN ISSUE OF ME BEING A BOY, PARTICULARLY WHEN I HAVE NO PANTS ON?! SEE?! SEE?! I HAVE NO PANTS ON NOW AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN MENTION IT! YOU'RE VERY LOUD. YOU KNOW THAT? WHY ARE YOU SO DAMN LOUD ( ... )

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