Top Gear, Unexpected Naked James May, PG
Title: Newspapers
Pairing: None
Summary: Jeremy steals James' clothes.
Warnings: None
Author: blacktofade
Rating: PG
A/N: Written for cenea's Unexpected Naked James May challenge at tg_crack. This has not been beta'd, so feel free to point out mistakes/offer concrit.
Word Count: 557
Disclaimer: I am not associated with Top Gear or any of its affiliates. I don't mean any harm, this is all made up.
Richard Hammond let out a cry of surprise as he walked into the portakabin and came face to face (well not exactly) with a very bare, very pale bum.
“James, what are you doing?”
James stood upright and spun around to face him, a look of horror on his face. He tried to cover himself, though he knew Richard had already had more than an eyeful. He glanced around and wrapped a newspaper around his waist upon seeing it on a desk nearby. He tucked the corner in to make it stay up by itself and tried to explain himself.
“Clarkson...arse...stole...left...kill!” he stammered out.
“Whoa, James, you might want to repeat that in English if you want me to understand you.”
James took a deep breath in and began again.
“Clarkson thought it would be funny to steal my clothes.”
“What were you doing with your clothes off?” Richard said and then paused, “never mind, don’t answer that.”
An absent look passed over James’ face as he stared off at a place just over Richard’s shoulder.
“It’s actually a funny story,” he said as he rubbed the back of his neck in discomfort.
“Fine, indulge me,” Richard replied with a less-than-impressed sigh.
“Can you get my clothes back first?” he asked quietly.
Richard smirked and shook his head.
“That newspaper suits you; you can wait a little longer.”
James paused for a moment, the silence growing between them. His shoulders sagged and began his tale.
“I was sitting over there on that chair,” he pointed vaguely to the right side of the room, “when Clarkson walked in with two mugs of tea. He came over to offer me one, but managed to trip on that rug,” he pointed to the floor, where a small red mat was, “which caused him to spill the tea all over me.”
Richard winced at the thought of scalding tea pouring over sensitive skin and waved his hands for James to continue.
“I couldn’t just sit around and get burnt, so I stripped off, while Clarkson stood there laughing at me. I knew my mistake as soon as I took my pants off, because he smirked, and offered to put my clothes outside to dry, and to find some new clothes from wardrobe.”
By now, Richard was staring at James, an incredulous look plastered on his face.
“And you just let him take them away? How thick are you? Does Jeremy ever offer to do nice things for us? No, they usually end in pain, or humiliation.” He folded his arms to leave no room for argument. “You chose both.”
James shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other.
“I’ve told you the story, now will you find my clothes?”
Richard looked at him intently before shaking his head gently.
“No, mate,” he said, “after you just admitted to giving your clothes to Jeremy, you’re on your own.”
He started laughing and moved quickly from the portakabin before James could catch, and possible kill, him.
James stood in the doorway, the newspaper, still wrapped around his waist, blowing softly in the breeze.
“Will you at least find me something else for me to tie around my waist?” he shouted from the doorway to Richard’s retreating back. “This is beginning to chafe.”
Richard’s laughs grew louder and James sighed.
“Oh cock,” he said.
Pairing: None
Summary: Jeremy steals James' clothes.
Warnings: None
Author: blacktofade
Rating: PG
A/N: Written for cenea's Unexpected Naked James May challenge at tg_crack. This has not been beta'd, so feel free to point out mistakes/offer concrit.
Word Count: 557
Disclaimer: I am not associated with Top Gear or any of its affiliates. I don't mean any harm, this is all made up.
Richard Hammond let out a cry of surprise as he walked into the portakabin and came face to face (well not exactly) with a very bare, very pale bum.
“James, what are you doing?”
James stood upright and spun around to face him, a look of horror on his face. He tried to cover himself, though he knew Richard had already had more than an eyeful. He glanced around and wrapped a newspaper around his waist upon seeing it on a desk nearby. He tucked the corner in to make it stay up by itself and tried to explain himself.
“Clarkson...arse...stole...left...kill!” he stammered out.
“Whoa, James, you might want to repeat that in English if you want me to understand you.”
James took a deep breath in and began again.
“Clarkson thought it would be funny to steal my clothes.”
“What were you doing with your clothes off?” Richard said and then paused, “never mind, don’t answer that.”
An absent look passed over James’ face as he stared off at a place just over Richard’s shoulder.
“It’s actually a funny story,” he said as he rubbed the back of his neck in discomfort.
“Fine, indulge me,” Richard replied with a less-than-impressed sigh.
“Can you get my clothes back first?” he asked quietly.
Richard smirked and shook his head.
“That newspaper suits you; you can wait a little longer.”
James paused for a moment, the silence growing between them. His shoulders sagged and began his tale.
“I was sitting over there on that chair,” he pointed vaguely to the right side of the room, “when Clarkson walked in with two mugs of tea. He came over to offer me one, but managed to trip on that rug,” he pointed to the floor, where a small red mat was, “which caused him to spill the tea all over me.”
Richard winced at the thought of scalding tea pouring over sensitive skin and waved his hands for James to continue.
“I couldn’t just sit around and get burnt, so I stripped off, while Clarkson stood there laughing at me. I knew my mistake as soon as I took my pants off, because he smirked, and offered to put my clothes outside to dry, and to find some new clothes from wardrobe.”
By now, Richard was staring at James, an incredulous look plastered on his face.
“And you just let him take them away? How thick are you? Does Jeremy ever offer to do nice things for us? No, they usually end in pain, or humiliation.” He folded his arms to leave no room for argument. “You chose both.”
James shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other.
“I’ve told you the story, now will you find my clothes?”
Richard looked at him intently before shaking his head gently.
“No, mate,” he said, “after you just admitted to giving your clothes to Jeremy, you’re on your own.”
He started laughing and moved quickly from the portakabin before James could catch, and possible kill, him.
James stood in the doorway, the newspaper, still wrapped around his waist, blowing softly in the breeze.
“Will you at least find me something else for me to tie around my waist?” he shouted from the doorway to Richard’s retreating back. “This is beginning to chafe.”
Richard’s laughs grew louder and James sighed.
“Oh cock,” he said.