Growing Old
Dylan, Ben and I drove up to Fort McMurray last month to visit family over Easter. It hasn't been discussed quite so directly, but everyone in my dad's family has been trying to make a point of visiting my nan (Dad's mom) sooner than later. Her health is not doing very good. Her mobility has been limited for a number of years now, and now she's confined to a wheelchair or her bed. She's also starting to lose her memory. There aren't a lot of family left in Fort McMurray, so it seems pretty lonely up there.
Nan was living at the seniors home over the past several years, but it was determined in the last year or so that she needed constant care, so they moved her to the long-term care in the hospital. Since then, things have been worse. I can't blame it on the hospital - her health itself is not good, and hasn't been for a while (diabetes, weight, etc) - but I feel like her care is compromised there with limited staff. Dad told me one example: Nan was on three types of laxatives due to constipation; then when she had a case of diarrhea for three weeks, no one thought to take her off the medication, or review her chart, until Dad went down and asked to speak with her doctor. During that time, she developed bed sores, which weren't being cleaned properly, and she developed a lot of infections and discomfort. Dad felt she was falling into a depression as a result.
They put her on some heavy painkillers. Suddenly, her memory started fading fast, and it hasn't come back. It's not just dementia - she seems to be hallucinating, too. When we were there, she kept talking about family that are long gone, then she would suddenly stop to ask if the "two little girls were still jumping on the bed," or would tell Dad that he has a long hair hanging out of his mouth. Really weird stuff. Dad asked the doctor if this is temporary, but they don't know. They think that this is her body's way of dealing with the trauma of having so many infections.
The conversation of moving her to Edmonton, or at least looking into alternative care, has come up - but no one wants to really deal with the time or costs involved, along with the chance of not finding anything better. Plus, the family that does see her most (Dad and Aunt Paulette) are still in Fort McMurray, along with Nan's sister, Aunt Hazel (who lives at the other seniors home).
During our visit, despite it all, I felt like Nan was a bit happier - or, at least, happy to see us. Her memory isn't 100% gone, although she is definitely living in the past. Still, she was more talkative than she used to be. I've been thinking about her situation a lot. Nan has had a lot of hardships over the years. Her husband died in 1992. She lost two sons, my uncles Terry and Noel, ten years ago. A lot of the extended family have moved away and their visits are sparing. Her life has been so day-in, day-out for such a long time. In a way, I feel like the decline in her health may have been, at least slightly in part, due to giving up. She always used to seem quiet when I visited her in the past. But, this time, she seemed much more talkative. I feel like, whatever the diagnosis is, perhaps it's not quite as bad as it seems. It's sad for loved ones to watch, knowing someone is slipping away, but I feel like at least her mind is giving her happy memories to focus on.
My dad has always been blunt and a little cynical. Dad kept interrupting Nan whenever she said something that wasn't accurate, and it made me so mad. It was only when he did that that she seemed a bit quiet or embarrassed. He was also making a point of telling her that so-and-so is dead, whenever she would ask questions about them. Specifically, he told her that Aunt Sadie (her sister) died a long time ago, and Nan was so shocked, as if she had just received the news for the first time. I just don't see the point in doing that to her at all, and I told him that after we left. When Nan talked to me, I just sat there, smiling, listening and asking questions. She seemed to really enjoy that. I don't see the harm in going along with it. She even pointed out that she knew her memory wasn't good, but she wasn't getting frustrated by it when she told stories. I just hope Dad starts listening to her. I feel like the best thing to do is try and make her happy. Why make someone relive all the bad things, or be more aware of their condition, especially given the circumstances?
Dad told me today that they have to amputate her right leg, due to infection and circulation problems stemming from her diabetes. :( Christ... I feel so sad for her. I also feel concerned about my own health. Diabetes, along with heart disease and cancer, are common in my family. I don't want to end up like that.
I hope my visit made Nan happy, and I hope she's relatively comfortable. For Easter, I brought her some chocolates and homemade jam. I was worried she'd forget about them, or where they came from, but when my aunts asked her a week later who brought her the chocolates and jam, she told them very matter-of-factly that it was Tess. <3
Nan was living at the seniors home over the past several years, but it was determined in the last year or so that she needed constant care, so they moved her to the long-term care in the hospital. Since then, things have been worse. I can't blame it on the hospital - her health itself is not good, and hasn't been for a while (diabetes, weight, etc) - but I feel like her care is compromised there with limited staff. Dad told me one example: Nan was on three types of laxatives due to constipation; then when she had a case of diarrhea for three weeks, no one thought to take her off the medication, or review her chart, until Dad went down and asked to speak with her doctor. During that time, she developed bed sores, which weren't being cleaned properly, and she developed a lot of infections and discomfort. Dad felt she was falling into a depression as a result.
They put her on some heavy painkillers. Suddenly, her memory started fading fast, and it hasn't come back. It's not just dementia - she seems to be hallucinating, too. When we were there, she kept talking about family that are long gone, then she would suddenly stop to ask if the "two little girls were still jumping on the bed," or would tell Dad that he has a long hair hanging out of his mouth. Really weird stuff. Dad asked the doctor if this is temporary, but they don't know. They think that this is her body's way of dealing with the trauma of having so many infections.
The conversation of moving her to Edmonton, or at least looking into alternative care, has come up - but no one wants to really deal with the time or costs involved, along with the chance of not finding anything better. Plus, the family that does see her most (Dad and Aunt Paulette) are still in Fort McMurray, along with Nan's sister, Aunt Hazel (who lives at the other seniors home).
During our visit, despite it all, I felt like Nan was a bit happier - or, at least, happy to see us. Her memory isn't 100% gone, although she is definitely living in the past. Still, she was more talkative than she used to be. I've been thinking about her situation a lot. Nan has had a lot of hardships over the years. Her husband died in 1992. She lost two sons, my uncles Terry and Noel, ten years ago. A lot of the extended family have moved away and their visits are sparing. Her life has been so day-in, day-out for such a long time. In a way, I feel like the decline in her health may have been, at least slightly in part, due to giving up. She always used to seem quiet when I visited her in the past. But, this time, she seemed much more talkative. I feel like, whatever the diagnosis is, perhaps it's not quite as bad as it seems. It's sad for loved ones to watch, knowing someone is slipping away, but I feel like at least her mind is giving her happy memories to focus on.
My dad has always been blunt and a little cynical. Dad kept interrupting Nan whenever she said something that wasn't accurate, and it made me so mad. It was only when he did that that she seemed a bit quiet or embarrassed. He was also making a point of telling her that so-and-so is dead, whenever she would ask questions about them. Specifically, he told her that Aunt Sadie (her sister) died a long time ago, and Nan was so shocked, as if she had just received the news for the first time. I just don't see the point in doing that to her at all, and I told him that after we left. When Nan talked to me, I just sat there, smiling, listening and asking questions. She seemed to really enjoy that. I don't see the harm in going along with it. She even pointed out that she knew her memory wasn't good, but she wasn't getting frustrated by it when she told stories. I just hope Dad starts listening to her. I feel like the best thing to do is try and make her happy. Why make someone relive all the bad things, or be more aware of their condition, especially given the circumstances?
Dad told me today that they have to amputate her right leg, due to infection and circulation problems stemming from her diabetes. :( Christ... I feel so sad for her. I also feel concerned about my own health. Diabetes, along with heart disease and cancer, are common in my family. I don't want to end up like that.
I hope my visit made Nan happy, and I hope she's relatively comfortable. For Easter, I brought her some chocolates and homemade jam. I was worried she'd forget about them, or where they came from, but when my aunts asked her a week later who brought her the chocolates and jam, she told them very matter-of-factly that it was Tess. <3