Adultresshood
alright, now i know.
i almost forgot how it's like to be semi-heart broken/crushed/defeated, all that shit. it's a helpless sentiment. it's all kind of silly. i could see it coming. i could feel it inside, like an instinct. it's only right that it all crashed down in oxford. it's just another horrible memory to fester in that city. layer 'em on.
i'm free.
i don't want to want to leave so badly, but day after day, i find reasons everywhere. they are relentless. it's work. it's the city. it's romantic interests. it's lack of school/career. it's how everywhere i look i'm reminded of something i lost, something that hurts. it's physically making me sick. what's worse is there's too many people around me who feel the same almost. when i go into work, i see miserable people everywhere. they're on the brink and they're reaching that deciding point. do i toss out my inhibitions and follow my heart or give up and give in to failure?
i've been at this point for a while and i've made my decision. i don't know who's been taking me seriously and i really don't care. i'm fucking gone. that's all. i'm leaving. i'm not sure when, but it'll be within a year. the people i care about most here want to leave too so why the fuck would i hesitate?
i told brian tonight that week by week when i plan out what i'm going to do, weekend plans and all that, it's like looking out the bedroom window and seeing the world disappear. there's nothing there anymore. there's nothing to look to, nothing to get excited about. i don't care about shows anymore. i'm sick of sitting and drinking alone. i'm too old for this life.
i'm so tired...
i'm dying...
i'll be damned if i fold so early. i'm fucking leaving all this weight right here.
i'm free.
i almost forgot how it's like to be semi-heart broken/crushed/defeated, all that shit. it's a helpless sentiment. it's all kind of silly. i could see it coming. i could feel it inside, like an instinct. it's only right that it all crashed down in oxford. it's just another horrible memory to fester in that city. layer 'em on.
i'm free.
i don't want to want to leave so badly, but day after day, i find reasons everywhere. they are relentless. it's work. it's the city. it's romantic interests. it's lack of school/career. it's how everywhere i look i'm reminded of something i lost, something that hurts. it's physically making me sick. what's worse is there's too many people around me who feel the same almost. when i go into work, i see miserable people everywhere. they're on the brink and they're reaching that deciding point. do i toss out my inhibitions and follow my heart or give up and give in to failure?
i've been at this point for a while and i've made my decision. i don't know who's been taking me seriously and i really don't care. i'm fucking gone. that's all. i'm leaving. i'm not sure when, but it'll be within a year. the people i care about most here want to leave too so why the fuck would i hesitate?
i told brian tonight that week by week when i plan out what i'm going to do, weekend plans and all that, it's like looking out the bedroom window and seeing the world disappear. there's nothing there anymore. there's nothing to look to, nothing to get excited about. i don't care about shows anymore. i'm sick of sitting and drinking alone. i'm too old for this life.
i'm so tired...
i'm dying...
i'll be damned if i fold so early. i'm fucking leaving all this weight right here.
i'm free.