scared?
something like that.
i don't think i lie about being scared. i'm more afraid of people teasing me for lying about being afraid cuz it's something dishonest i really did just then and there. and their teasing would force me into uber-honest mode in some weak attempt to make up and that exposes me to questions i would normally brush off without answering. i know somewhere inside, i have the answers to questions i dare not ask myself because i fear the nature of the answer and what this realization would mean to me.
so whatever. fuck you. i was scared. happy? scared and angry.
on the 31st, i went to see my parents. then i got scared and drove home without doing shit. i've been kinda angry at myself about it since, but this is becoming more of an annual ritual now. i wonder what they think if me now?
i don't think i lie about being scared. i'm more afraid of people teasing me for lying about being afraid cuz it's something dishonest i really did just then and there. and their teasing would force me into uber-honest mode in some weak attempt to make up and that exposes me to questions i would normally brush off without answering. i know somewhere inside, i have the answers to questions i dare not ask myself because i fear the nature of the answer and what this realization would mean to me.
so whatever. fuck you. i was scared. happy? scared and angry.
on the 31st, i went to see my parents. then i got scared and drove home without doing shit. i've been kinda angry at myself about it since, but this is becoming more of an annual ritual now. i wonder what they think if me now?