What it's like...
Consuming me, swirling around deep beneath, this feeling stretches out inside. It saturates me, swelling from the core to my pores. Nothing explains its presence. Rationalization does not provide any shielding or comfort. My eyes grow heavy, and my pulse steadily declines, time to fall endlessly inward.
Tonight is just one of those nights. I think the day started out this way. I woke up and realized the computer was not on. The fans don't run particularly loud or anything, but their absence could be detected and that startled me. I knew what my computer being off meant; it meant I wasn't receiving any random words from her heart to mine. How something so small can set you down a path of misery is beyond me.
Days or nights like these inform me how much of a whore I am for her. It is as if my very days are spent only the balancing point of her attention. Perhaps it is the other way around. Maybe I'm not satisfied because she isn't hanging on mine. Is there really any way of knowing? I thoroughly doubt it.
This position is new, unpredictable, concerning, and amazing all at once. I feel driven, deeply propelled, to justify or categorize my jealousy. It isn't so simple as to just acknowledge its existence. No, I have to know where it comes from. James believes that I'm just dealing with the concept of value for once. He could certainly be right. It isn't as if I would know enough to argue.
That could be my reason for not succumbing to constant panic. Somewhere deep down, I know that this makes a natural sense of sorts. I love her, no doubting. Since it's love, not a mere obsession, then it has to derive from the natural human desire to wan tot protect and keep that which you have. We just haven't learned such an option to be out of our control.
"Knowing something will happen is not near as powerful as witnessing it transpire."
Tonight is just one of those nights. I think the day started out this way. I woke up and realized the computer was not on. The fans don't run particularly loud or anything, but their absence could be detected and that startled me. I knew what my computer being off meant; it meant I wasn't receiving any random words from her heart to mine. How something so small can set you down a path of misery is beyond me.
Days or nights like these inform me how much of a whore I am for her. It is as if my very days are spent only the balancing point of her attention. Perhaps it is the other way around. Maybe I'm not satisfied because she isn't hanging on mine. Is there really any way of knowing? I thoroughly doubt it.
This position is new, unpredictable, concerning, and amazing all at once. I feel driven, deeply propelled, to justify or categorize my jealousy. It isn't so simple as to just acknowledge its existence. No, I have to know where it comes from. James believes that I'm just dealing with the concept of value for once. He could certainly be right. It isn't as if I would know enough to argue.
That could be my reason for not succumbing to constant panic. Somewhere deep down, I know that this makes a natural sense of sorts. I love her, no doubting. Since it's love, not a mere obsession, then it has to derive from the natural human desire to wan tot protect and keep that which you have. We just haven't learned such an option to be out of our control.
"Knowing something will happen is not near as powerful as witnessing it transpire."