I feel like i just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich
Dear Journal,
so, remember my squee about going to the Art Institute of Houston the other day? Well, it's officially dead. Now I just feel like a selfish jerk for wanting to go because it's going to inconvenience my family. Especially in terms of Elijah. I don't know why but whenever I want to do something and I realize that it's going to mess up something for either my mom or brother, especially when it comes to Elijah, then I just feel like I have to put it off. I feel guilty. Like Elijah's my sole responsibility and if anyone should inconvenience themselves over Elijah it should be me. Not that I think of elijah like that. I love him dearly, and I'd gladly do anything for him,but he is a handful and idk, i just don't want to put that on anyone else.
But at the same time, I really, really want to do this. and that's what makes me feel even more guilty. that i want this so much even though i know that it's going to end up causing difficulties for my mother and brother, cuz like i said before i usually put off my own plans for their convenience indefinitely. but i don't care. i don't care that my brother's going to have to work his plans and schedule around my mom's and elijah, like i used to. I actually want him to know what it's like. but my damn brother's so selfish, i just know that my mother's the one that's gonna suffer with it.
ugh, i hate myself. I know that if or when I do go, I'm never going to be content or happy with it because of this. ARGH! FUCK MY LIFE AND MY DAMN SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY!
so, remember my squee about going to the Art Institute of Houston the other day? Well, it's officially dead. Now I just feel like a selfish jerk for wanting to go because it's going to inconvenience my family. Especially in terms of Elijah. I don't know why but whenever I want to do something and I realize that it's going to mess up something for either my mom or brother, especially when it comes to Elijah, then I just feel like I have to put it off. I feel guilty. Like Elijah's my sole responsibility and if anyone should inconvenience themselves over Elijah it should be me. Not that I think of elijah like that. I love him dearly, and I'd gladly do anything for him,but he is a handful and idk, i just don't want to put that on anyone else.
But at the same time, I really, really want to do this. and that's what makes me feel even more guilty. that i want this so much even though i know that it's going to end up causing difficulties for my mother and brother, cuz like i said before i usually put off my own plans for their convenience indefinitely. but i don't care. i don't care that my brother's going to have to work his plans and schedule around my mom's and elijah, like i used to. I actually want him to know what it's like. but my damn brother's so selfish, i just know that my mother's the one that's gonna suffer with it.
ugh, i hate myself. I know that if or when I do go, I'm never going to be content or happy with it because of this. ARGH! FUCK MY LIFE AND MY DAMN SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY!