I don't know if you noticed, but David Walliams just cheated
There's something subtly disturbing about David Walliams's act, when he's playing Walliams-as-Walliams; this deadpan delivery of lines that are slightly to the left of funny. It keeps everyone else on shaky ground, in a way, and puts him in a dominating position, and that's really fascinating. It's obviously a studied and perfected act, and, well. People who know how the human mind works equal fantastic in my books. People who are great at what they're doing, ditto. People who think it's great comedy to make people laugh, then make their spine crawl = FOR THE WIN.
He appeared twice in the fifth series of 8 out of 10 Cats and I don't even have adjectives for how much I loved it. I could have transcribed noises of glee, but you can imagine. Also, I have picspam. He's got one of those smiles that makes me smile back without any input from my conscious brain.
Where d'you get effigies? Is there an effigy shop where they go, "Hello, effigies? What would you like?"
"Salman Rushdie. We're all out of Salman Rushdies."
"--We've got a Jilly Cooper?"
"No? Okay."
DAVID: My worst fear is going to prison and being locked up with four burly, tattooed men.
JIMMY CARR: Your worst fear or most of your video collection?
GRIFF RHYS JONES: Are you going to go [to Glastonbury], David?
DAVID: No, I'm not, because I've already had sex in a tent, when I was in the Sea Scouts.
His response to his picture representing the category of egomania. Oh, old joke and still kind of funny.
Incidentally, I have only two songs on my Walliams playlist: Carly Simon's 'You're So Vain' and a cover version by The Feeling.
30% of women would like David Walliams ____.
DAVID: To finger them? -- Was that wrong?
THE CAPTAIN OF THE OTHER TEAM: Would like David Walliams if he wasn't a poof? -- A great big screaming nancy boy.
DAVID: You're obsessed with trying to out me.
JIMMY: I don't know about screaming, sometimes he moa-- oh, no.
How to come out as "not completely gay, just a bit gay" (to quote Rhys Thomas): Just sort of half-open the closet door and wave, and back in you go.
What the thirty percent actually want is him "round for dinner". I bet 29,9% mean a dinner that would lead to fingering, though.
Then they do awful pick-up lines. How about, "I'd like to take you out for dinner, but by the look of it, you've already had dinner"? "You're in luck, I've decided to go ugly early"?
Jimmy feels the second one is the rudest thing you could say to a person, and David makes a show of telling him "it's not to you!" all soothing and serious, and goes over to a terrified-looking Jimmy to kiss it better. And you know, the part that I think is awesome isn't the kiss on the cheek but the way he says it. Also, Jimmy Carr--I think many people genuinely do dislike him but I dig his and David's double act. ♥
For someone so completely not my type, he's pretty fucking attractive.
...
David's team captain once had someone run into his raised fist and accidentally knock themselves out. David looks at Jimmy and goes, not even lewdly but like, longingly, which is well worse, "I'd love you to run into my fist".
Now for the other episode! I feel uneasy about David's attire here. He's hiding white pants under the table. White pants. But they're like, yacht club white pants, not Manics circa 1992 white pants, and I feel only one of those is okay. Also, his jacket is undeniably blue and with the red shirt, that's just too much of a marine theme there for my taste.
Not only am I slagging off his clothes, but Peaches Geldof just implied that he impregnates teens left and right.
Walliams can handle himself in a chickfight, of course.
IDK, getting called anything by Peaches Geldof is kinda--yeah, I don't need to finish that thought. Actually though, she was less lame than I thought she'd be but then those expectations really were easy to exceed.
This is Alex Zane.
(How adorable can you be before you stop existing because of quantum or something?) He's on David's team and comments on a picture of Prince William that he looks like he's wearing lipstick.
DAVID: You're wearing eyeliner, you big poof!
ALEX: It's not eyeliner, it's guyliner!
...WHAT. NO, WHAT. ♥♥♥ He used the word 'guyliner' in a conversation. ♥ SO MUCH.
Jimmy's just told him to fuck off.
Oh god, I want to go yachting with him.
ALEX: Why are you two holding hands?
DAVID: I'm holding his hand and he looks uncomfortable.
(No, he actually doesn't. You're not the only gay in the village, David!)
Jimmy "did a gig on Second Life".
DAVID: Computer Jimmy Carr!
"Even shittier than the real thing!"
"'Cause at least people laugh at your ugly face, you take that away...."
JIMMY: *sadface*
AUDIENCE: Awwww.
DAVID: Don't go 'awwww', you hate him!
JIMMY: *SAAAADFACE*
DAVID: Oh, you're milking it now! It's friendly banter!
I think this maybe has something to do with Peaches's documentary about kitchen staff in Indian restaurants wanking into the curry. She was pretty insistent she actually watched that. What I want to know is her dealer's number.
Unable to come up with "a special type of swimming" (other than drowning, as suggested by team captain Jason), David resorts to violence.
And bitchslapping Jimmy, a lot. That didn't cap well, alas. "TELL US TELL US TELL US!!1"
A cheat and a bully. ♥
I suspect that not that deep underneath, he's really one of those people who take games too seriously and who no one wants to play with because if you don't let them win, they'll ruin everyone's day, and if they do win, they're insufferable. One of my people, in other words.
"I don't want to get vicious again! 'Cause I can get vicious with you. Five--four--"
"--three--two--one." He does.
Bonus Alex:
He appeared twice in the fifth series of 8 out of 10 Cats and I don't even have adjectives for how much I loved it. I could have transcribed noises of glee, but you can imagine. Also, I have picspam. He's got one of those smiles that makes me smile back without any input from my conscious brain.
Where d'you get effigies? Is there an effigy shop where they go, "Hello, effigies? What would you like?"
"Salman Rushdie. We're all out of Salman Rushdies."
"--We've got a Jilly Cooper?"
"No? Okay."
DAVID: My worst fear is going to prison and being locked up with four burly, tattooed men.
JIMMY CARR: Your worst fear or most of your video collection?
GRIFF RHYS JONES: Are you going to go [to Glastonbury], David?
DAVID: No, I'm not, because I've already had sex in a tent, when I was in the Sea Scouts.
His response to his picture representing the category of egomania. Oh, old joke and still kind of funny.
Incidentally, I have only two songs on my Walliams playlist: Carly Simon's 'You're So Vain' and a cover version by The Feeling.
30% of women would like David Walliams ____.
DAVID: To finger them? -- Was that wrong?
THE CAPTAIN OF THE OTHER TEAM: Would like David Walliams if he wasn't a poof? -- A great big screaming nancy boy.
DAVID: You're obsessed with trying to out me.
JIMMY: I don't know about screaming, sometimes he moa-- oh, no.
How to come out as "not completely gay, just a bit gay" (to quote Rhys Thomas): Just sort of half-open the closet door and wave, and back in you go.
What the thirty percent actually want is him "round for dinner". I bet 29,9% mean a dinner that would lead to fingering, though.
Then they do awful pick-up lines. How about, "I'd like to take you out for dinner, but by the look of it, you've already had dinner"? "You're in luck, I've decided to go ugly early"?
Jimmy feels the second one is the rudest thing you could say to a person, and David makes a show of telling him "it's not to you!" all soothing and serious, and goes over to a terrified-looking Jimmy to kiss it better. And you know, the part that I think is awesome isn't the kiss on the cheek but the way he says it. Also, Jimmy Carr--I think many people genuinely do dislike him but I dig his and David's double act. ♥
For someone so completely not my type, he's pretty fucking attractive.
...
David's team captain once had someone run into his raised fist and accidentally knock themselves out. David looks at Jimmy and goes, not even lewdly but like, longingly, which is well worse, "I'd love you to run into my fist".
Now for the other episode! I feel uneasy about David's attire here. He's hiding white pants under the table. White pants. But they're like, yacht club white pants, not Manics circa 1992 white pants, and I feel only one of those is okay. Also, his jacket is undeniably blue and with the red shirt, that's just too much of a marine theme there for my taste.
Not only am I slagging off his clothes, but Peaches Geldof just implied that he impregnates teens left and right.
Walliams can handle himself in a chickfight, of course.
IDK, getting called anything by Peaches Geldof is kinda--yeah, I don't need to finish that thought. Actually though, she was less lame than I thought she'd be but then those expectations really were easy to exceed.
This is Alex Zane.
(How adorable can you be before you stop existing because of quantum or something?) He's on David's team and comments on a picture of Prince William that he looks like he's wearing lipstick.
DAVID: You're wearing eyeliner, you big poof!
ALEX: It's not eyeliner, it's guyliner!
...WHAT. NO, WHAT. ♥♥♥ He used the word 'guyliner' in a conversation. ♥ SO MUCH.
Jimmy's just told him to fuck off.
Oh god, I want to go yachting with him.
ALEX: Why are you two holding hands?
DAVID: I'm holding his hand and he looks uncomfortable.
(No, he actually doesn't. You're not the only gay in the village, David!)
Jimmy "did a gig on Second Life".
DAVID: Computer Jimmy Carr!
"Even shittier than the real thing!"
"'Cause at least people laugh at your ugly face, you take that away...."
JIMMY: *sadface*
AUDIENCE: Awwww.
DAVID: Don't go 'awwww', you hate him!
JIMMY: *SAAAADFACE*
DAVID: Oh, you're milking it now! It's friendly banter!
I think this maybe has something to do with Peaches's documentary about kitchen staff in Indian restaurants wanking into the curry. She was pretty insistent she actually watched that. What I want to know is her dealer's number.
Unable to come up with "a special type of swimming" (other than drowning, as suggested by team captain Jason), David resorts to violence.
And bitchslapping Jimmy, a lot. That didn't cap well, alas. "TELL US TELL US TELL US!!1"
A cheat and a bully. ♥
I suspect that not that deep underneath, he's really one of those people who take games too seriously and who no one wants to play with because if you don't let them win, they'll ruin everyone's day, and if they do win, they're insufferable. One of my people, in other words.
"I don't want to get vicious again! 'Cause I can get vicious with you. Five--four--"
"--three--two--one." He does.
Bonus Alex: