I miss...

[shirat_hasirena]

I am missing my home.
Israel.
The love/hate relationship I have with her.
I was a little nervous I'd come here and not miss her at all...I'd gotten to a point of utter frustration just before I left.
But alas...I miss her.

I miss Israel.
My home.
Despite all the funny crap.
She's like a relative...I didn't choose her...I just ended up with her. And sometimes I want to cuss her out...but there's this deep, unending love inside of me.

Funny though...I still attach him to her.
In weird convaluded ways...I find myself missing them together.
I wonder if I'll ever be able to sever that connection.

There's just so much love here.
Despite all the bullshit and pain and struggle.
I still have love.
For Israel.
For him.
For the past, the present and for my future.

I'll be reunited with her in a week.
With him...probably never...
I'm ok with both of those.
I'm going to be here where I am...be present...and enjoy every single minute I've got with my family and my friends...

And the nachos...
And the mint chocolate chip ice cream...

And I can dream of those things I miss...
And it'll be real for me there...