leaving it all behind
spring break, although long, could have been longer ! i absolutely loved being home, probably more than i should have. hell, i wasn't even home very much, that's probably why it was so amazing. it's all a bit of a blur but i know who i saw and what i did. i got to see more people than i thought i would which is a huge plus and saw brian every single day, surprisingly, because i thought his schedule wouldnt allow us to. but perseverance prevails ! we're just that good.
so, this is going to be in the best order i can possibly manage. like i said, i know what happened i just don't remember when it all happened. first off i got to see jackie and pat one day which was really refreshing. the three of us havent hung out in..... god, it seems almost 2 years. its scarey to think of it that way. not all being together in a multiple of years. we went to SPRING which was weird too. spring chinese is a place i hadnt eaten from also in numerous years so it seemed as if we were reliving senior and junior year of high school. oddly enough.... it felt really nice. we didnt skip a beat. it was like everything fell right back into place- everything from the random baking excursion to the reappearance of other high school friends like matt, aubrey, and jess. seeing jackie and pat and just being stupid with them was a relief though. it made me realize that i can still be friends with people in the same way as a few years ago. things have changed of course but we're all still the same people and we all still care about each other and treat each other in the same ways. i brought brian with me too- it was important to me for him to meet jackie and to spend more time with pat. i want him to spend time with the few friends ive kept from high school as much as possible. its really important to me that he see me with my friends. not because i act amazingly differently or anything. i'm me regardless no matter what. i guess i can't really explain it. maybe its just simply because we're always around his friends, which doesnt bother me in the least. i like getting to know his friends, it helps me understand him better as an individual. maybe thats the reason i like it when he's with my friends too. if we're together is different environments, it helps us see the other completely comfortable with people in places other than our homes or work place. and i've gone off on a tangent. back to my break haha.
after that day i believe i met up with jackie, pat, and jess again and visited lakeland. but that kinda sucked cuz i didnt get to see any of my teachers. they werent there or their classrooms had changed and i didnt have time to go find them. i had to leave after like 20 minutes to get my hair cut, which looks awesome by the way. i'm extremely happy with and am dreading ho quickly my hair grows. i can already tell my bangs arent blowdrying the way they did immediately after i got it cut. thanks for the awesome genes, dad. after that i annoyed sean at trader joe's for a while then went to see brian like i did everything single day ! wayne is good haha.
i met up with bri bri one day. not sure which day but i saw him ! we went to starbucks and got some ice drinks on one of the only nice, almost warm, days we had. it was really good to be able to just relax and talk with him again. he's one of the few people i could always be completely honest with about anything and not worry about his judgement or the repercussions. it got awkward at one point though cuz a couple girls from high school walked in and said acted kind of rude towards me. one reason why i dont bother with anyone i was never good friends with from high school. its not worth it. they're all rude and inconsiderate, usually when they dont mean to be which makes it even worse. BUT i ignore that crap cuz none of it matters now. i wish i had seen bri again though during my break. its shame it was only that one afternoon.
something else that happened was i recieved my acceptance to william paterson. actually.... i dont think it was during break at all. oh well, i'm not sure if i ever covered it anyway, so here it is ! i got into willy p and i will be staying home. i'll get to work during school so i won't lose money. yay !
one night brian and i hung out with jess t and mike. it was good to see them too. we went to the queen for the first time in..... well a LONG time. james and jeff came too !! that was exciting. jeff's hair got SO long ><. i really missed everyone from home. a whole lot more than i thought i did. i would love for things to be like they used to be sometimes.... that it wasnt so hard to get together with people. that certain people werent difficult to get a long with anymore. don't get me wrong, it's not like i want to turn back time and live in high school forever. but sometimes, when i'm alone in my apartment bedroom, i wish it was the winter or the summer back in ringwood, and i was walking the canturbury back from school, hanging out in the park at night, or sitting in the diner for hours, filled with smoke and friends where i havent a clue that people will drift as much as they will. damn tangents.....
ANYWAY- last friday i went to the MoMa with brian which was beautiful ! first off, i love going into the city with brian. its so stress free and we can do anything, even nothing, just walk, and its fun no matter what. also, the museum was so interesting. i had never been to the museum of moden art but i' d like to go back. we walked the entire things, but i feel that towards the end we got tired and didnt pay attention as much haha. we saw pollock, warhol, monet, van gogh, mitnesse, and tons of other artists' works. there were tons of people there too. we didnt anticipate this but it wasnt that bad. there were just so much more of a crowd than i thought there'd be. it was good friday though and people had off. figures. afterwards we went to Lindy's and got our asses handed to us by the check. but it was good and fun so whatevs.
then saturday we celebrated easter at my house. my mom's side of the family came over and my brother came home too. it was fun. i dont hide by myself anymore whenever we have a family gathering so its nice to be able to be able to interact on even level now. im the youngest in my family so it took longer for to be able to relate and for them to relate back . plus i was always super shy. over it hah. my cousin's kids killed me though. they have so much energy and they like me so i usually have to entertain them. it was funny when brian came over to meet everyone though. that was important for me too. for him to at least meet my family- but it was the best when Nathaniel attacked him haha. too bad nathaniel taught brian how to be a tiger for real..... :x on easter sunday i had dinner with brians family which was nice. they're really relaxed and fun to be around. theyre not so serious about certain things which is a relief, especially for something like a sit down dinner. whenever i sit to eat with my parents its interrogation time and it sometimes feels like conversation is forced. i'm comfortable around brian's parents which i like a lot. i dont feel like i need to hide in house. i like it there.
but that was pretty much my break. i think i'm having trouble adjusting to being back at school though which i dont like. its my own fault. i'm thinking so much about how life at home is and how school at willy p will be, i'm making myself frustrated here and not focusing on the work i have to do at stockton. i'm also worried about some financial issues i'm having which doesnt help. but things will get better ! i almost forgot that my being in a slump usually leaks out. i sometimes make things worse for no reason. one reason why i decided to write this extremely long entry that no one will read to make me remember happy things ! it worked actually. i do feel better. i just have to do what i can and not be a brat. i dont have much to do while i'm at school but i can still occupy myself in some way. i can't rely on home and whine about it. that's not going to help. i'm gonna take it all in stride and just work towards everything i can ! yea- i feel better now. i think i need to read for class- off into the world !
<3
"It's all such a blur when time goes so quickly
trying to hang on to
the way you'd like things to stay
you trace back the seconds
recall the details
from someone will, to someone does
to someone did, you know i did."