Porn & thoughts on it
So, I'm on co-op now, hurrah. well i've been working @ unisys now for about 3 months, and i've got 3 more months.
Its going good. boring at times, interesting at others. and oh god i have to write documentation today.... well at least get something done on it. ( the worst part about coding i think.... )
started seeing this girl, mary. shes amazing.... though the situation could be better. but anyway, i was lieing with her again the other day and she commented on how i should be a porn star.
now i don't even know why im considering this? i mean me be a porn star... haha yeah. like that would happen.
but still its been crossing my mind more than once. ( seeing as this was the second time she mentioned this to me )
but ok, heres the reasons that wouldn't work for me....
- im shy as hell
- little or no confidence when it comes to those sorta things
- ..... what if someone finds out....?
- .. what if ( when ) i have kids and they ( or their friends ) so happen to watch porn ( its inevitable ) and they see me????... how the hell would i explain that??
now the upsides to this.
- money
- sex
- fame
and that brings me to contemplate...... am i as horny and sex crazed as i was just a few months ago?
cause i know , i sure as hell remember that i got myself into sometrouble for being too god damned horny. or too preoccupied with sex. and now that i had just about a 5 month break and thought about it some, and had time to realize that i didn't need it, when i come accross a girl whos as horny as i thought i was.... i find.... i don't want it as bad.
odd....
and GOD DAMN ME for being shallow,
why do i have to find someone great and then just focus on ONE little thing that doesn't matter that much.
but somehow in my mind.... ( for whatever reason it may be ) ... i find that i can't let a little thing go.
and it bugs me that i can't let it go, and it also bugs me that its there in the first place ( the little thing that set me off ).
oh sigh.
i should go and do some actual work at WORK.
i think we have some holiday lunch today, and i completely forgot untill a few mins. ago. Damn holidays..... why can't people just be mindless machines... and work, and not care about holidays...... theyre such a STUPID idea anyway.
i mean why do we need a holiday to be nice to other people? why can't we just be nice all the time? hrmmm? or instead of EVERYBODY rushing and meeting each other on say new years, why can't we just be like... oh today seems like a good day to meet my family.... and plan something for like january 7th? i mean thats just as arbitrary as christmas right?
so say i was born on christmas? hrmm and someone wrote a story about my birth? then could we have "ALEX THE SAVIOR DAY"? i mean i just don't get it.... and the decorations......
A PAIN IN THE ASS is what i say, ok, decorations that last all year? MUCH BETTER!, why would you want to put up lights outside in the BITTER COLD?
and christmas tress... oh god i hate them.
USELESS (THEYRE DEAD PLANTS!!! ) or IMITATIONS OF DEAD PLANTS..... HAH! ( how pointless )
u want to decorate, ok buy a REAL LIVE LIVING tree and decorate it, that way it has multiple purposes, and looks good.
i hate the holidays, and NO im not a grinch, im a realist. ( theyre useless )
Its going good. boring at times, interesting at others. and oh god i have to write documentation today.... well at least get something done on it. ( the worst part about coding i think.... )
started seeing this girl, mary. shes amazing.... though the situation could be better. but anyway, i was lieing with her again the other day and she commented on how i should be a porn star.
now i don't even know why im considering this? i mean me be a porn star... haha yeah. like that would happen.
but still its been crossing my mind more than once. ( seeing as this was the second time she mentioned this to me )
but ok, heres the reasons that wouldn't work for me....
- im shy as hell
- little or no confidence when it comes to those sorta things
- ..... what if someone finds out....?
- .. what if ( when ) i have kids and they ( or their friends ) so happen to watch porn ( its inevitable ) and they see me????... how the hell would i explain that??
now the upsides to this.
- money
- sex
- fame
and that brings me to contemplate...... am i as horny and sex crazed as i was just a few months ago?
cause i know , i sure as hell remember that i got myself into sometrouble for being too god damned horny. or too preoccupied with sex. and now that i had just about a 5 month break and thought about it some, and had time to realize that i didn't need it, when i come accross a girl whos as horny as i thought i was.... i find.... i don't want it as bad.
odd....
and GOD DAMN ME for being shallow,
why do i have to find someone great and then just focus on ONE little thing that doesn't matter that much.
but somehow in my mind.... ( for whatever reason it may be ) ... i find that i can't let a little thing go.
and it bugs me that i can't let it go, and it also bugs me that its there in the first place ( the little thing that set me off ).
oh sigh.
i should go and do some actual work at WORK.
i think we have some holiday lunch today, and i completely forgot untill a few mins. ago. Damn holidays..... why can't people just be mindless machines... and work, and not care about holidays...... theyre such a STUPID idea anyway.
i mean why do we need a holiday to be nice to other people? why can't we just be nice all the time? hrmmm? or instead of EVERYBODY rushing and meeting each other on say new years, why can't we just be like... oh today seems like a good day to meet my family.... and plan something for like january 7th? i mean thats just as arbitrary as christmas right?
so say i was born on christmas? hrmm and someone wrote a story about my birth? then could we have "ALEX THE SAVIOR DAY"? i mean i just don't get it.... and the decorations......
A PAIN IN THE ASS is what i say, ok, decorations that last all year? MUCH BETTER!, why would you want to put up lights outside in the BITTER COLD?
and christmas tress... oh god i hate them.
USELESS (THEYRE DEAD PLANTS!!! ) or IMITATIONS OF DEAD PLANTS..... HAH! ( how pointless )
u want to decorate, ok buy a REAL LIVE LIVING tree and decorate it, that way it has multiple purposes, and looks good.
i hate the holidays, and NO im not a grinch, im a realist. ( theyre useless )