Time to walk the beetch
I wish it would stop fucking RAINING! I want to go to the park and be outside and not have this lousy miserable weather. C'mon! *sigh* So I went to the interview. Ya know I should have been way more excited and way more happy and thought gee this is a chance at my dream job with my dream company and my aren't I excited?!? So those of you who don't know, I interviewed with an animation company today which is on my top ten list of animation companies I would be willing to face a shark with a laser strapped to it's head to it to obtain. So why not happy? Well I was happy when I got the e-mail. Then as the interview got closer I kept remembering all of the horrible interview experiences I've had in the past. Me clamming up, me thinking I did an awesome job and never hearing back even after thank you notes and calls back. So I just kind of went. And it just kind of happened. I couldn't read him and he didn't really seem altogether there. No excitement, no real enthusiasm. And the part that really go me? He said he didn't like to animate things. Ok. Cool. Sweet. My rational side says, the interview went well, I was a bit awkward and said some things like two or three times in different ways, and I could feel him kinda tilt his head oddly, and I was mentally abusing myself afterwards. But I maintained eye contact, even though he kept looking away off into space land where I'm sure all his other eccentrically dressed metro sexual handsome man/woman friends look when they're bored. I have a feeling. And it may be just me, but I think I'm right, there's a certain demographic that I just don't hit it off with, and it's the trendier than thou space aliens that inhabit the animation world in New York City. I get along fine with the geeks and the nerds and the I rolled out of bed and look this way every day people. But none of them ever interview me! I get the posh space cadets who have Brecht books on their walls! Ok ok. People at World Leaders... some were nice, like Nisa. The girl that interviewed me for the internship, Alex, was always weird towards me, she had that attitude, like, you don't belong here. And it made me really really sour. My interview for the internship at Curious... you coulda cloned and tweaked the guy a bit and he would have been the exact same dude I interviewed for today. I don't think I'm getting a call back. I think I'm going to be at Ritz forever. I think they'll find me dead in the back room, having drunk out of the extremely toxic silver recovery unit, which pollutes your drinking water with silver because it runs straight into our drain. Fun fact for ya there. I got home from New York, felt awful laid down for a bit, felt queasy got up ate some cereal and rice cakes and then threw up a whole lot. I've thrown up probably 10 times in the last two hours. Recently, I haven't been able to keep much down. I'm stressed. I beat myself up cause yeah I should practice animating, but I feel so god damn depressed I don't want to do anything other than sleep. I'm so fucking miserable I don't even want to be around myself. I was thinking about teaching in South Korea for awhile, but I don't know. I've never taught before and I may not like being a teacher in the first place. It's far and I feel as though there are elements that I should stay here for. I was thinking about moving up to New York with Chris, but I'd probably be jobless and a burden so I really don't know if I want that either. I could also go teach art in good old Elkton Maryland. I would rather go gouge out my eyes than to live in my stupid little home town where I have no friends. I don't know I keep throwing up and I feel like shit. Ha ha I almost said I feel like shirt. I don't want to go to work tomorrow, I just want to sleep and I don't want to call up my friends, I don't really want to talk to anybody. I'm just tired, and sad. Ha ha and super whiney.