One day...
I will have a nice grill. You know with bling all over my teef. Ha ha. So I'm tired. I worked today, which is/was Sunday. Not a fan of working on Sundays, haven't had to do that for *years*. So many things went wrong with the machines and I'm not familiar with the ones at store 1207, so at one point I freaked out and started to scream. I scared Kris and Aadam, at the end of the day I thanked them for putting up with my craziness. I'm trying, but seriously, I think people reach a point where they get really optimistic and get all types of motivated. Then the crash and burn. I was really tired and fell asleep at like 6:30 and woke up at 11:30, now I feel really sick and I think I'm going to vomit.
I was really excited and happy and ready to work on my life, but after many attempts, no one has responded to my job shits, applying and applying and applying. Sending Valentines cards. Advertising yourself is expensive too, spent close to $10 on a small bottle of white fabric paint and a stencil brush, business cards? God knows. Ritz is seriously driving me crazy, thinking about going to work at my shitty little retail job fills me with a greater and greater terror everyday. I go cry in the bathroom at least once a day. the weird schedule, the bullshit customers staring at me and demanding for attention and then getting pissed that I don't know how to answer their question. I have a stupid fucking scar on my hand from opening a memory card case for some lazy asshole. I think I'm also cranky because my room's messy, and if your work/living space is a mess, you usually tend to feel like poop. All of that is easily remedied.
I don't want to go grocery shopping because I have no idea what to get, I don't know how to feed myself anymore, and in the past few days I've eaten more than my body can handle and I think that's another reason I feel sick. I really don't even know the point of writing this. Happy, sad? I don't know, neither really. Just that feeling where you feel as though you could be losing your mind? I think that's what is happening. A break down The Frustration:
1) My job. It blows. If I'm at Ritz for much longer I'm going to blow my brains out. But I need money to live.
2) My room is a mess. clean it idiot.
3) I've applied to roughly 200 places, industry related and otherwise. a handful of "We like your work but we're not hiring now" responses. Some interviews at sales jobs where I was told I was too shy to succeed. Yeah? Well fuck you, I don't want to sell your shitty product.
4) It's going to sound really really lame. But I miss Chris a whole lot and living in Philly and him living in New York gets to me sometimes.
5) Going to free clinics because I don't have enough money to get health coverage taken out of my paycheck. Wastes an entire day, and I usually get sick in the waiting room because of all the snotting crying children.
This weekend I get to go home and see my family which is something to look forward to. But if I feel like crap tomorrow I can't call out sick, because big brother, Ritz Camera, doesn't like it when you do that.
Bottom line: I'm tired. I need to snap out of this funk.
I was really excited and happy and ready to work on my life, but after many attempts, no one has responded to my job shits, applying and applying and applying. Sending Valentines cards. Advertising yourself is expensive too, spent close to $10 on a small bottle of white fabric paint and a stencil brush, business cards? God knows. Ritz is seriously driving me crazy, thinking about going to work at my shitty little retail job fills me with a greater and greater terror everyday. I go cry in the bathroom at least once a day. the weird schedule, the bullshit customers staring at me and demanding for attention and then getting pissed that I don't know how to answer their question. I have a stupid fucking scar on my hand from opening a memory card case for some lazy asshole. I think I'm also cranky because my room's messy, and if your work/living space is a mess, you usually tend to feel like poop. All of that is easily remedied.
I don't want to go grocery shopping because I have no idea what to get, I don't know how to feed myself anymore, and in the past few days I've eaten more than my body can handle and I think that's another reason I feel sick. I really don't even know the point of writing this. Happy, sad? I don't know, neither really. Just that feeling where you feel as though you could be losing your mind? I think that's what is happening. A break down The Frustration:
1) My job. It blows. If I'm at Ritz for much longer I'm going to blow my brains out. But I need money to live.
2) My room is a mess. clean it idiot.
3) I've applied to roughly 200 places, industry related and otherwise. a handful of "We like your work but we're not hiring now" responses. Some interviews at sales jobs where I was told I was too shy to succeed. Yeah? Well fuck you, I don't want to sell your shitty product.
4) It's going to sound really really lame. But I miss Chris a whole lot and living in Philly and him living in New York gets to me sometimes.
5) Going to free clinics because I don't have enough money to get health coverage taken out of my paycheck. Wastes an entire day, and I usually get sick in the waiting room because of all the snotting crying children.
This weekend I get to go home and see my family which is something to look forward to. But if I feel like crap tomorrow I can't call out sick, because big brother, Ritz Camera, doesn't like it when you do that.
Bottom line: I'm tired. I need to snap out of this funk.