(no subject)
I'm frustrated with my life.........
Frustration is so goddamn boring........
I'm bored with frustration.......
I'm sick of all things boring........
I know its weak to say, but I so want a muse again.........someone to make it all worthwhile. Someone who's out there giving a shit.....
I'm so past giving a fuck if I mess up..........and so past feeling good when I do right. Is this what it feels like to be irredeemable?
I feel like just a jumble of meat meant to shuffle from Monday to Tuesday, Tuesday to Wednesday.......NO plan, no strategy, no goal, no reward.
I've been so far away removed from anything resembling a reward for so long, its like a something outta one of my nephew's storybooks, just plain unadulterated fiction. Something to be lightly laughed off, merely a knowing chuckle.....
As far as punishments? Consequences? Repurcussions? I live with those every day.
They have become painfully familiar. To the point that I've become as familiar with them as soldiers in Iraq are familiar with bullets. Jail? Unemployment? Homeless shelters? Public transportation? Those are as familiar to me as your morning paper.
Getting a better job holds no joy for me anymore.
I'm not sure what holds joy for me anymore.
A hot meal? Sure, that makes me happy.........till I get hungry again.
I always wanted to live.......and live for those I care about........but I've been just existing for so long.....and I'm so very tired of just existing.
Something's gonna happen.....
Something's just gotta happen........
Frustration is so goddamn boring........
I'm bored with frustration.......
I'm sick of all things boring........
I know its weak to say, but I so want a muse again.........someone to make it all worthwhile. Someone who's out there giving a shit.....
I'm so past giving a fuck if I mess up..........and so past feeling good when I do right. Is this what it feels like to be irredeemable?
I feel like just a jumble of meat meant to shuffle from Monday to Tuesday, Tuesday to Wednesday.......NO plan, no strategy, no goal, no reward.
I've been so far away removed from anything resembling a reward for so long, its like a something outta one of my nephew's storybooks, just plain unadulterated fiction. Something to be lightly laughed off, merely a knowing chuckle.....
As far as punishments? Consequences? Repurcussions? I live with those every day.
They have become painfully familiar. To the point that I've become as familiar with them as soldiers in Iraq are familiar with bullets. Jail? Unemployment? Homeless shelters? Public transportation? Those are as familiar to me as your morning paper.
Getting a better job holds no joy for me anymore.
I'm not sure what holds joy for me anymore.
A hot meal? Sure, that makes me happy.........till I get hungry again.
I always wanted to live.......and live for those I care about........but I've been just existing for so long.....and I'm so very tired of just existing.
Something's gonna happen.....
Something's just gotta happen........