One
Key smiled at screaming fans reaching out to him, to try and touch him. He noticed a young girl standing some distance away, her features were blurred, but Key could make out the streaks of tears on her face, her face struck a memory within him. He remembered; it was his first visit to Singapore (with his boys). She had been in the crowd as they sang, screaming his name, small hands covering the lower half of her face as she cried onto her palms. He excused himself from the stage and walked over to the girl, ignoring the eyes of his other fans. As he approached, the girl’s tears fell faster, and her petite body heaved with each choking sob. At first Key thought that maybe she could not believe that he was right in front of her, or that she was overjoyed. But then he realized that was not the case, her eyes that were brimming with tears clearly showed the hurt, the betrayal. She shook her head, and slowly took steps backwards, trying to get away from him.
I’m disappointed in you, Kibum.
Kibum. It had been quite some time since he had heard that name. He had almost forgotten about Kibum. He was Key now; Kibum was a thing of the past. Key could not explain it, but he felt a sudden urge to fly back to Korea, to run to that apartment where he had used to live. (He wanted to see Jinki.) And suddenly, Key felt so selfish. He remembered the others’ faces when it was announced that SHINee was to be disbanded due to Kibum, no, Key’s wish to start on a solo career. Taemin had burst into tears, and Minho’s strong arms had enveloped their youngest, rocking him gently. Jonghyun silently walked out of the room. Jinki. Oh gosh, Jinki. The leader of the band just stared at him. He had nodded, and muttered a soft good luck. It tore Kibum’s heart to pieces. He wanted Jinki to say no, to oppose, because they were a team, they were SHINee, they were one. But that understanding gaze in Jinki’s eyes, the resignation. Was he giving up on Kibum already? (Why wasn’t he putting up a fight?) Now, after more than a year later, Key finally understood. Jinki was too tired. He had never given up on Kibum. He had given up on Key. He had not noticed it himself, but after the release of their second album, he had grown distant from the members. The line which separated Key and Kibum disappeared.
I don’t even know when it started;
Just like that, I was captured.
Key took the next flight back to Korea.
Not knowing what to do, he returned to the place that was once their (SHINee’s) home. He unlocked the door with the spare key (still hidden in its usual place) and entered the apartment. It was bare. Their furniture was all gone, but yet as he walked into their (once) shared bedroom, everything was the same. It was like he had never left. The same bed, the same posters on the wall, the same soft toys on their beds. (Maybe they didn’t have the heart to pack up this room.) And suddenly Key remembered the times when they would all huddle on Jinki’s bed, just talking. They talked about nothing, they talked about everything. (Key wished he could be Kibum again.) Kibum’s fingertips graced the bed frame, and his eyes closed, imagining that they still lived there, and that they were still the shining SHINee. But as soon as his eyes opened, he was faced with an empty room, and reality came crashing down once more, suffocating him. He had to leave.
Key knocked on another door. The bright yellow door swung open, revealing a young woman. She smiled when she recognized Key. Key gave her a small smile, and asked to see her husband. Jinki appeared in the doorway, freezing in his place when he saw Key. A sad smile crept onto his features, and Key wanted nothing more than to be Kibum once more, to run into those warm arms were he felt so at home, where he knew he would never have to be alone. Key gestured for Jinki to take a step outside, and Jinki complied. How have you been, Key? Hot tears pricked at Key’s eyes. You never used to call me Key back then. Jinki laughed, his white teeth gleaming in the last rays of the sun. You’re no longer the Kibum I used to know. Or maybe you are; maybe I’m the one who changed. Key grabbed Jinki’s hand, eyes glistening with tears as he pleaded silently with Jinki to forgive him. There is nothing to be forgiven, Jinki whispered. Key wanted to scream. He wanted Jinki to stop being so fucking understanding. He wished he could feel Jinki’s fist come in contact with his face, because he knew he deserved it. But instead, he asked Jinki one last question. What do you regret most?
I regret holding you back.
Key nodded, said goodbye and left. He bit in the things he wanted so badly to say. You never held me back; I was just too scared of growing attached to you. Key found himself standing at the edge of the apartment building. The wind blew on his face, leaving a cool sensation on the trail of tears. His life was filled with regret and he just wished there was a reset button. He wanted to go back, to right all the wrongs he had ever done, and to tell Jinki just how much he had loved him. Kibum laughed a little, it was bitter, sardonic, and he threw his head back, lifting up his arms, body shaking with both sobs and laughter. Do you want to know what I regret most? I regret letting you go.
Key leaned forward, and he sailed off the edge. The moment his feet lost contact with the concrete, Key became Kibum once more. Kibum’s eyes were closed and he smiled, imagining Jinki’s face when he hears the news of Kibum’s death.
But alas, that would never happen.
Jinki was killed in a hit and run. He had died the exact moment Kibum’s body made contact with the asphalt, limbs angled awkwardly on the pavement. Because through it all, their fates were connected by a single red thread. While it might have thinned over the years, it was still there, and their destinies were tied together as one.
Because they were one.
A/N: Emily and two other friends came over to do a project today, and Em started talking about rumours of Hankyung going solo, and my friend asked me what I would say to Kibum if he ever went solo. And the very first thing that popped into my head was 'I'm disappointed in you.' I mean, I'd still love him, but I'll never support him if he went solo. And yeah, sorry about the girl in the first paragraph. That was supposed to be me, and trust me, I really hate writing myself in a fic because idkk, it seems so, idk! But yeah, I thought this deserved it. I'm sorry. I've been crying over Kibum & SHINee a lot recently.