just thoughts
Random thoughts here and there...
Andrew's parents have gone off to the caravan with Alain ( Andrew's brother ) and his partner for the bank holiday weekend, we would have gone too but then with Gizmo still need of settling down.. sorry Gizmo is the new member of the family, a kitten and he can be very hyperactive without Sasha ( family spoiled dog ) around he's free to explore.
Just want to say how much I love my boyfriend and how we should show it but yet each time I try to say it something else happens, like at the moment he's annoyed with his computer playing up and that is making him stressed up! Think he needs a break away from the computer, but seperating him from the computer is like trying to pick up a coin stuck to the pavement.
Just how do you tell someone how much you love them when you fear their reaction, or fear of what could happen to them.. to balance out the energy in your life? As that it what seems to happen! I mean go from that fateful week... being high up and bouncy to being up rooted and moved across the country away from the family that you once had...
Your life to change just like that! *Poof* it no longer exists and you have to find a new way of life but its just so hard to talk about what happened that changed your life like it did! Then having to cope with a whole new area, a whole new way of life... just wants to make you hide in your bed away hoping that it was a bad dream and when you wake up then that bubbly, boring feeling would be back!
Not that I love being here, somewhere different. But I can't settle down, I can't get into a new pattern when I'm constantly worried for my parents and my sister... sure they keep me informed about what is going on with them but they still have to find a new place to live and pick up their life though its never going to be the same again not now....
*wipes away the tears*
sorry journal, and readers... just hurt so much, yet its not just the haunting of the memories that I wish just disappear like bubbles popping when they touch the ground but they're always there... then the hurt of how much I love my boyfriend but the fear of telling him how I want more out of us but afraid of his reaction and afraid of how he will handle it...
This is such a change to him, to have a girlfriend when all he's ever done is work or his computer.. even now he's on his computer working on his fics or just surfing around his many regular website haunts. Yet the shock hasn't settled down into him yet...like I haven't settled down into the new life, I don't know when I will settle down but maybe one day I will.
Just wish they didn't push me around, push me into things as I'm different to them... maybe I'm too different and don't belong here....
******
Fic time!
Aftermath - Still on halt, need the plans for the two new metahumans from my co-writer in order to do the next chapter.
Tears - Started, but slow going! Will be done in drifts and drabs, up online in probably a month or so...
Nightmare - Chapter two now online, Chapter Three might get started soon but all depends on my writing mood!!
******
Until then,
Ja Ne.
Andrew's parents have gone off to the caravan with Alain ( Andrew's brother ) and his partner for the bank holiday weekend, we would have gone too but then with Gizmo still need of settling down.. sorry Gizmo is the new member of the family, a kitten and he can be very hyperactive without Sasha ( family spoiled dog ) around he's free to explore.
Just want to say how much I love my boyfriend and how we should show it but yet each time I try to say it something else happens, like at the moment he's annoyed with his computer playing up and that is making him stressed up! Think he needs a break away from the computer, but seperating him from the computer is like trying to pick up a coin stuck to the pavement.
Just how do you tell someone how much you love them when you fear their reaction, or fear of what could happen to them.. to balance out the energy in your life? As that it what seems to happen! I mean go from that fateful week... being high up and bouncy to being up rooted and moved across the country away from the family that you once had...
Your life to change just like that! *Poof* it no longer exists and you have to find a new way of life but its just so hard to talk about what happened that changed your life like it did! Then having to cope with a whole new area, a whole new way of life... just wants to make you hide in your bed away hoping that it was a bad dream and when you wake up then that bubbly, boring feeling would be back!
Not that I love being here, somewhere different. But I can't settle down, I can't get into a new pattern when I'm constantly worried for my parents and my sister... sure they keep me informed about what is going on with them but they still have to find a new place to live and pick up their life though its never going to be the same again not now....
*wipes away the tears*
sorry journal, and readers... just hurt so much, yet its not just the haunting of the memories that I wish just disappear like bubbles popping when they touch the ground but they're always there... then the hurt of how much I love my boyfriend but the fear of telling him how I want more out of us but afraid of his reaction and afraid of how he will handle it...
This is such a change to him, to have a girlfriend when all he's ever done is work or his computer.. even now he's on his computer working on his fics or just surfing around his many regular website haunts. Yet the shock hasn't settled down into him yet...like I haven't settled down into the new life, I don't know when I will settle down but maybe one day I will.
Just wish they didn't push me around, push me into things as I'm different to them... maybe I'm too different and don't belong here....
******
Fic time!
Aftermath - Still on halt, need the plans for the two new metahumans from my co-writer in order to do the next chapter.
Tears - Started, but slow going! Will be done in drifts and drabs, up online in probably a month or so...
Nightmare - Chapter two now online, Chapter Three might get started soon but all depends on my writing mood!!
******
Until then,
Ja Ne.