Here and Now
I don't want to be doing this right now, but for several days I've been nagged by the desire to record the last few weeks of my life. I figure I better stop fighting and just get it over with. I know I'll be happier with myself if I do.
School has started again. I no one dropped from the Rad Tech program, so I didn't get it. Bullshit, because I had one of the top scores, but I'm honestly not upset over it. I'll spend this year doing as I should have been for some time now - growing up.
Finding work was the major concern as I have had to start paying most of my own bills. I found work. I like it. I work twenty hours a week in the college's Bio-Chem lab. It's not always fun, but I'm into my second week and so far it hasn't been bad at all. It practically doesn't feel like work at all. Once I get into the full swing of things I'm sure I'll be perfectly content with it. I'm already working one shift completely by myself. It's both reassuring and nerve wracking to know that someone trusts my abilities enough to let me run the lab alone - even if it is on a slow day. But this is what I need in order to take the next step in life. The weight of responsibility with consequences whose effects extend beyond my own self. Others are counting on me and I have to own up that.
I had to be at least a half-time student at the college in order to work there, so I'm taking two blow-off classes as to not risk my GPA. One is Intro to Political Science, which I couldn't care less about. The other is Race and Ethnicity, taught by my professor-come-mentor of a few years now. I'm happy to be her pupil again. I'm happy to be back in the college atmosphere.
I do have a few troubles though. My odd work hours have had an impact on my sleep. Today I went into work on three hours of sleep - and that was eighteen hours ago. My body refuses to change its circadian rhythm. On top of that, Matt has moved back to GV for the year and the only time we get to interact is playing video games. In fact I hardly not but one or two acquaintances with whom I spend time. Worst of all, I heard in a most shocking and distasteful manner that my Sensei may be closing the Dojo later this year in order to more closely study with his own Sensei. Of all the things that I consider to define me, my study of the Martial Arts is perhaps the most prized and rewarding. It has become part of who I am and even the thought of losing that distinction is painful and bewildering.
There's more, of course. There is always more. But I've written enough for the moment. I wish I knew how to end this entry properly. I guess all I wanted to say is that for a while things were very unusual and my life didn't feel like my own. But that time is passing and although not everything has come back to center I'm happy with the progress that I'm making.
School has started again. I no one dropped from the Rad Tech program, so I didn't get it. Bullshit, because I had one of the top scores, but I'm honestly not upset over it. I'll spend this year doing as I should have been for some time now - growing up.
Finding work was the major concern as I have had to start paying most of my own bills. I found work. I like it. I work twenty hours a week in the college's Bio-Chem lab. It's not always fun, but I'm into my second week and so far it hasn't been bad at all. It practically doesn't feel like work at all. Once I get into the full swing of things I'm sure I'll be perfectly content with it. I'm already working one shift completely by myself. It's both reassuring and nerve wracking to know that someone trusts my abilities enough to let me run the lab alone - even if it is on a slow day. But this is what I need in order to take the next step in life. The weight of responsibility with consequences whose effects extend beyond my own self. Others are counting on me and I have to own up that.
I had to be at least a half-time student at the college in order to work there, so I'm taking two blow-off classes as to not risk my GPA. One is Intro to Political Science, which I couldn't care less about. The other is Race and Ethnicity, taught by my professor-come-mentor of a few years now. I'm happy to be her pupil again. I'm happy to be back in the college atmosphere.
I do have a few troubles though. My odd work hours have had an impact on my sleep. Today I went into work on three hours of sleep - and that was eighteen hours ago. My body refuses to change its circadian rhythm. On top of that, Matt has moved back to GV for the year and the only time we get to interact is playing video games. In fact I hardly not but one or two acquaintances with whom I spend time. Worst of all, I heard in a most shocking and distasteful manner that my Sensei may be closing the Dojo later this year in order to more closely study with his own Sensei. Of all the things that I consider to define me, my study of the Martial Arts is perhaps the most prized and rewarding. It has become part of who I am and even the thought of losing that distinction is painful and bewildering.
There's more, of course. There is always more. But I've written enough for the moment. I wish I knew how to end this entry properly. I guess all I wanted to say is that for a while things were very unusual and my life didn't feel like my own. But that time is passing and although not everything has come back to center I'm happy with the progress that I'm making.