A Father's Son
I feel like I should post about this. I just realized that I've been out of school for two days - and it's felt like a week. This is a good thing. I've been active and productive, which I think has made all the difference. I've spent the last two days doing home improvement projects around my apartment. Just fixing one or two little things can turn into a day's worth of work. Especially when you realize that in order to fix this you have to take apart that, which requires you go out and buy several other things. But that's not really what I want to talk about.
Today my father came over and spent the day helping me fix up my place. It was something I never really thought would happen and for the first time since I can remember I felt like a father's son. We worked side by side, figured things out together, and shared the pride of our accomplishments. He did things I don't feel he's ever done before. He listened to me, let me make choices, and watched when I wanted to do something myself. For the first time in my life it felt like we were standing on a level playing field, looking eye to eye. I wasn't a child anymore.
We went to a local hardware store for the tools we needed. This is significant for two reasons. First, he almost never takes care of anything that requires him to go out of his way and we hadn't planned on needing extra supplies. He never complained or said a negative thing. Second, I had just been to that store yesterday to buy several things, therefore I knew where almost everything was, so I lead while he followed. My Dad almost never follows anyone's lead and he's certainly never let me be the one to direct him. These may seem like insignificant observations, but when you've lived a certain way for long enough even the slightest change is drastic.
While we were out we decided to stop for dinner. Now, my Dad and I can hardly relate about anything so I usually dread spending any downtime with him. But something was different today. We must have sat in that restaurant and talked for over an hour. I'm usually very uncomfortable around him and don't say much because I don't want him to disapprove, but today I could do no wrong. We talked about motorcycles and travel and the projects that we wanted to work on over the summer. He asked me if I was planning on getting a job this summer and I told him with no amount of fear that I wasn't. He asked if I'd be willing to come over when I'm not busy and get paid to do some work around the property. Normally I hate being at my Dad's place, but I want to stay active this summer and could use some money. I was actually very keen on the idea and agreed. For the first time in my life I'll be happy to be mowing the lawn, heh.
I don't know if I've changed recently or if I changed some time ago and he's finally realizing it. Whatever the reason, we're interacting in a way we never have before and I'm feeling like I've never felt before. I no longer feel small in his presence. I no longer feel scared for his approval. I no longer question myself over his opinion. I feel proud, and happy, and excited to be working and sharing something with him. I finally feel like I'm the son he wanted and he's the father I wanted. ...I think this is what growing up is supposed to feel like...
Today my father came over and spent the day helping me fix up my place. It was something I never really thought would happen and for the first time since I can remember I felt like a father's son. We worked side by side, figured things out together, and shared the pride of our accomplishments. He did things I don't feel he's ever done before. He listened to me, let me make choices, and watched when I wanted to do something myself. For the first time in my life it felt like we were standing on a level playing field, looking eye to eye. I wasn't a child anymore.
We went to a local hardware store for the tools we needed. This is significant for two reasons. First, he almost never takes care of anything that requires him to go out of his way and we hadn't planned on needing extra supplies. He never complained or said a negative thing. Second, I had just been to that store yesterday to buy several things, therefore I knew where almost everything was, so I lead while he followed. My Dad almost never follows anyone's lead and he's certainly never let me be the one to direct him. These may seem like insignificant observations, but when you've lived a certain way for long enough even the slightest change is drastic.
While we were out we decided to stop for dinner. Now, my Dad and I can hardly relate about anything so I usually dread spending any downtime with him. But something was different today. We must have sat in that restaurant and talked for over an hour. I'm usually very uncomfortable around him and don't say much because I don't want him to disapprove, but today I could do no wrong. We talked about motorcycles and travel and the projects that we wanted to work on over the summer. He asked me if I was planning on getting a job this summer and I told him with no amount of fear that I wasn't. He asked if I'd be willing to come over when I'm not busy and get paid to do some work around the property. Normally I hate being at my Dad's place, but I want to stay active this summer and could use some money. I was actually very keen on the idea and agreed. For the first time in my life I'll be happy to be mowing the lawn, heh.
I don't know if I've changed recently or if I changed some time ago and he's finally realizing it. Whatever the reason, we're interacting in a way we never have before and I'm feeling like I've never felt before. I no longer feel small in his presence. I no longer feel scared for his approval. I no longer question myself over his opinion. I feel proud, and happy, and excited to be working and sharing something with him. I finally feel like I'm the son he wanted and he's the father I wanted. ...I think this is what growing up is supposed to feel like...