MisaMisa - a character redux
Disclaimer: I am extremely tired, overheated and caffeine hyped so if this makes little sense, I do apologise.
Let me preface this by saying that I am relatively (ok, extremely) new to the Death Note fandom. I have only watched the anime. I have not read the manga, but I am working on it. I understand that many fans feel that you can only get a good grasp on a character once you have exhausted all canon material/knowledge of that character. I understand and agree with that, to a point, however I also believe that you can get a good 'feel' of a character without necessarily knowing the canon inside out and back to front. To me, a good roleplayer is someone who 'feels' the character from the inside out, even if they do make the occasional canon-knowledge slip up. Perhaps that's just an excuse however, since I tend to be quite forgetful and slip up constantly now and again.
Another brief precursor: shinigami_is/Lacy!Misa is not canon!Misa. She certainly started out that way, but in my opinion immediately a character enters dndressingroom they become, to some extent, uncanon. They can act how you might imagine they would act, canonically, but obviously anything that occurs within the context of the game is not strictly canon. And since DNDR can be fairly cracked out, we're looking at a fairly AU Misa, despite her canon origins.
So, onto the analysis! I've split it up into sub-topics which have arisen so far, that I feel I need to/want to explain...
Why is Misa so stuttery?
This is something I have noticed myself doing, which I recognise is not how she speaks in canon. However, I feel that much of Misa's body language, canonically (especially around the time she first meets Light) is quite nervous/flustered. Certainly she doesn't come off as confident when Light hugs her, or kisses her. Her confidence increases throughout the series, but I think much of that is down to her proximity to Light. She draws her confidence from him. Whilst this is not the case when they first meet (obviously she was ballsy/self-sufficient enough to become the second Kira and gain Light's attention, not to mention find him and meet him), immediately she meets Light she becomes subservient to him. I think this meekness begins to transfer into her relationships with other characters, though it may not always be explicit. Certainly, were she to suddenly find herself in a strange place, surrounded by strange people, without Light, I do not think she would cope well. Her stutter is a verbal indication of the uncertainty she feels in the DNDR mansion, having been isolated from the one person who has 'anchored' her (in a sense) for the past few years.
Plus, you know. Boys. Boys who make out with her in hallways. Not to mention boys with guns in their back pockets who might possibly want to shoot her. That'd probably make me stutter a little bit, too.
Which brings me too...
Why the hell is Misa with Matt and Mello?
This was something I debated about, with myself. To me, a Misa who is not 100%, unswervingly loyal to Light will always be 'uncanon'. However, as previously mentioned, no character who enters into an AU plot/game can ever really be completely canon. One has to think about what a canon Misa might do, if she found herself trapped in a strange, potentially threatening environment without the structure and support of her submissive/dominant relationship with Light.
The way I saw it, my options were:
A) Have her curl up into a catatonic ball until she was returned to her own universe, or
B) Find a replacement Light - someone who would 'take care of her', in some sense or another.
Option A was perhaps more realistic, but not overly playable. Option B made sense to me, given Misa's development (up to the point she is taken from, in canon - just after having caught Higuchi and made the second eye trade). The fact is, Misa has come to be completely reliant on Light. Whilst she can (and does) make decisions for herself (for example, the decision to make the second eye deal with Ryuk), these decisions are largely motivated by what she thinks Light would want, or what would best please Light. I have no doubt that if she found herself in a strange or threatening situation her first action would be to ask Light's advice (if at all possible), wait for an instruction from Light, or think about what Light would want her to do. That is, in fact, what she initially does when she turns up in the DNDR mansion.
It is not until she encounters numerous people (including an alternate Light) who basically inform her that Light is a douche who doesn't give a shit about her that she begins to subconsciously consider option B) finding a replacement. At this point, Misa is so accustomed to being told what to do that the prospect of being completely alone and self sufficient is extremely frightening and depressing to her. To me, this does not indicate that she is weak or stupid, rather that she has fallen into (what some might consider) an unhealthy or destructive attachment pattern that would be extremely hard for her to break.
Why Matt? Logically, Misa ought to attach herself to the most dominant/Light-like person she meets, but Misa also requires someone who is willing to assure her that they care about her, and at least feign love, intimacy and affection. Nobody she meets, up until Matt, indicate the least bit of attraction or indeed interest towards her. And at first, Matt does appear dominant - he makes the first move, and she chooses not to resist (although it does cross her mind) because she knows that, at least for a little while, someone will be with her and she won't be alone.
That is not to say that Matt is a default choice (although it may have started out that way). Increasingly, she finds that Matt offers her the kind of love affection and intimacy that she has always craved from Light, but never quite 'believed'. I'll get more into that later. In short, Matt offers her the kind of reassurance that she always had to draw out of Light. What she had to struggle to get from Light, Matt gives her freely. Whilst this is, in some ways, unsatisfying for Misa (she is happiest when she feels she has to work for someone's love and attention - as alluded to in this thread between goggleboy03 and herself) she also revels in the differences between Matt and Light. In a sense, Matt is also offering her is own challenge by 'forcing' her (or at the very least challenging her) to move on from Light and be her own person. Misa recognises that in order to make Matt happy, she needs to be able to 'stand on her own two feet'. This is rather ironic in that she is really only taking steps to appear as if she is self sufficient in order to please Matt, but somewhere along the line she might (finally) realise that she is better off for it.
Her relationship with Mello is complicated. In many respects, Misa is attracted to Mello because he more closely resembles Light than Matt does. Whilst Matt is cuddly supportive and caring, Mello seemingly doesn't give two shits about her except as far as her being around seems to please Matt. This is attractive to Misa because she knows that in order to keep Matt happy, she also has to work for Mello's approval - and there's nothing Misa likes quite so much that working to please someone who is secretly repulsed by her not altogether fond of her. From Misa's perspective, their 'three-way-relationship' is ideal: Matt is consistent, supportive, caring and affectionate - almost a secondary submissive, although still slightly dominant to Misa - Mello is angry, passionate, violent and hard to please - in other words, extremely dominant. Between the two of them, she more or less has her relationship with Light replicated (only both Mello and Matt are 'honest' with their feelings, whereas Light's feelings towards Misa were, at best, an act, and at worse a downright manipulative lie).
So what you're saying is Misa is weak/stupid?
Not at all. As I've already mentioned, I believe Misa must have (canonically) been at least moderately intelligent and strong willed to become the second kira and get into contact with Light in the first place. Not to mention the fact that it takes strength of halve your lifespan not once but twice in order to do what you believe is morally right. And I do think that (whilst she was with Light) Misa truly believed that Kira's actions were morally correct: after all, that's what incites her to seek out Light in the first place (and when you look at her background, it's understandable that she would want to see criminals punished when the justice system fails). Does she do it primarily because she believes in what Kira does, or because she loves Light (and thinks that in making the second eye deal, she will secure his love)? In truth, I think it is a little of both. But even if she were doing it solely for Light, I think it takes immense strength to sacrifice your life (even if it's only some of your life) for the person you love.
Misa's relationship with Light is not characterised by weakness. I think people confuse her devotion for obsession. Whilst devotion in a relationship may be dangerous, perhaps even unpalatable to many people (especially in the case of Misa, where it is blatantly obvious that Light does not feel the same way) I think it is tragically beautiful. Whilst he increasing dependence on Light may render her weak, I do not believe her to be a weak character in terms of personality.
But she doesn't realise Light doesn't give a crap about her! So she's a ditzy moron, right?
I don't believe for a second that Misa is clueless about how Light really feels about her. How could she possibly not know? When they first meet, he makes it perfectly clear that he will pretend to love her/be her boyfriend, but that she shouldn't hope for anything more. And she explicitly gives him her permission to use her.
To my mind, Misa never forgets those early conversations, nor the instances that indicate Light's true feelings towards her (for example, his numerous 'other girls' whilst he is in college - including Takada - and his disinclination to have much to do with her at all, up until the point that he suggests they move in together). However she suppresses these facts because they are not part of the dominant reality that she has created for herself: the reality where Light loves her and wants to create a new world with her - a world free of crime. Instead she latches onto the memories that support her worldview: Light kissing her, Light telling her he will love her forever if she finds out L's name for him, Light suggesting they move in together. She also 'recasts' actual events into scenarios where Light has acted to benefit her (rather than to benefit himself) - for example, 'saving her life' when he manages to free them both from L's surveillance/imprisonment (which of course had very little to do with Misa's well being at all, and much more to do with keeping Light free to eventually become Kira again).
When Misa arrives at the DNDR mansion - when she is entirely removed from Light's presence and surrounded by people who 'tell it like it is' (and people who know how it is - other Misa's, other L's, other Light's) - it becomes increasingly difficult for her to keep those unsavory memories at bay. She has to start admitting to herself that Light really doesn't care - and that perhaps, if he is lying to her about that, he really is just using her to further his own ends. Whilst Misa may not like L particularly (and in my opinion, she really doesn't) I sincerely doubt that, without Light's influence, she would see it as good or right to kill him. Misa's belief in Kira - in the morality of the 'Kira Ideal' - extends only to punishing criminals in order to relieve the burden of grief suffered by their victims, and their victims' families. Whilst she can recognise that killing L will further this goal, I think that without Light's prodding, she would be disinclined to help kill an innocent man - especially an innocent man who's job it is to bring criminals to justice (all be it in a less expedient fashion).
So what is Misa's position on Kira, then?
As Misa's confidence in/love for Light wanes, I suspect her conviction that using the death note is 'the right thing to do' will wane somewhat, as well. Having said that, Misa will always be of the opinion that vigilantism is sometimes the only way to exact timely and 'fair' justice. To her, a life in prison is not a fair trade for lives snuffed out. It's an eye for an eye, or nothing. She does not see, and will never see, using the death note to kill criminals as 'murder'.
That said, she does feel guilt and remorse - hence her dreams of the blood soaked hallway. She knows that she has killed innocent people in the past, in order to get to Light, and it eats her up inside, although she may not consciously realise that yet. Stay tuned for that particular meltdown ;)
I think that's it for now! Phew, it's late!
Many thanks to all the awesome players at DNDR! I've had the best time 'getting to know' Misa better by playing against you guys!
Let me preface this by saying that I am relatively (ok, extremely) new to the Death Note fandom. I have only watched the anime. I have not read the manga, but I am working on it. I understand that many fans feel that you can only get a good grasp on a character once you have exhausted all canon material/knowledge of that character. I understand and agree with that, to a point, however I also believe that you can get a good 'feel' of a character without necessarily knowing the canon inside out and back to front. To me, a good roleplayer is someone who 'feels' the character from the inside out, even if they do make the occasional canon-knowledge slip up. Perhaps that's just an excuse however, since I tend to be quite forgetful and slip up constantly now and again.
Another brief precursor: shinigami_is/Lacy!Misa is not canon!Misa. She certainly started out that way, but in my opinion immediately a character enters dndressingroom they become, to some extent, uncanon. They can act how you might imagine they would act, canonically, but obviously anything that occurs within the context of the game is not strictly canon. And since DNDR can be fairly cracked out, we're looking at a fairly AU Misa, despite her canon origins.
So, onto the analysis! I've split it up into sub-topics which have arisen so far, that I feel I need to/want to explain...
Why is Misa so stuttery?
This is something I have noticed myself doing, which I recognise is not how she speaks in canon. However, I feel that much of Misa's body language, canonically (especially around the time she first meets Light) is quite nervous/flustered. Certainly she doesn't come off as confident when Light hugs her, or kisses her. Her confidence increases throughout the series, but I think much of that is down to her proximity to Light. She draws her confidence from him. Whilst this is not the case when they first meet (obviously she was ballsy/self-sufficient enough to become the second Kira and gain Light's attention, not to mention find him and meet him), immediately she meets Light she becomes subservient to him. I think this meekness begins to transfer into her relationships with other characters, though it may not always be explicit. Certainly, were she to suddenly find herself in a strange place, surrounded by strange people, without Light, I do not think she would cope well. Her stutter is a verbal indication of the uncertainty she feels in the DNDR mansion, having been isolated from the one person who has 'anchored' her (in a sense) for the past few years.
Plus, you know. Boys. Boys who make out with her in hallways. Not to mention boys with guns in their back pockets who might possibly want to shoot her. That'd probably make me stutter a little bit, too.
Which brings me too...
Why the hell is Misa with Matt and Mello?
This was something I debated about, with myself. To me, a Misa who is not 100%, unswervingly loyal to Light will always be 'uncanon'. However, as previously mentioned, no character who enters into an AU plot/game can ever really be completely canon. One has to think about what a canon Misa might do, if she found herself trapped in a strange, potentially threatening environment without the structure and support of her submissive/dominant relationship with Light.
The way I saw it, my options were:
A) Have her curl up into a catatonic ball until she was returned to her own universe, or
B) Find a replacement Light - someone who would 'take care of her', in some sense or another.
Option A was perhaps more realistic, but not overly playable. Option B made sense to me, given Misa's development (up to the point she is taken from, in canon - just after having caught Higuchi and made the second eye trade). The fact is, Misa has come to be completely reliant on Light. Whilst she can (and does) make decisions for herself (for example, the decision to make the second eye deal with Ryuk), these decisions are largely motivated by what she thinks Light would want, or what would best please Light. I have no doubt that if she found herself in a strange or threatening situation her first action would be to ask Light's advice (if at all possible), wait for an instruction from Light, or think about what Light would want her to do. That is, in fact, what she initially does when she turns up in the DNDR mansion.
It is not until she encounters numerous people (including an alternate Light) who basically inform her that Light is a douche who doesn't give a shit about her that she begins to subconsciously consider option B) finding a replacement. At this point, Misa is so accustomed to being told what to do that the prospect of being completely alone and self sufficient is extremely frightening and depressing to her. To me, this does not indicate that she is weak or stupid, rather that she has fallen into (what some might consider) an unhealthy or destructive attachment pattern that would be extremely hard for her to break.
Why Matt? Logically, Misa ought to attach herself to the most dominant/Light-like person she meets, but Misa also requires someone who is willing to assure her that they care about her, and at least feign love, intimacy and affection. Nobody she meets, up until Matt, indicate the least bit of attraction or indeed interest towards her. And at first, Matt does appear dominant - he makes the first move, and she chooses not to resist (although it does cross her mind) because she knows that, at least for a little while, someone will be with her and she won't be alone.
That is not to say that Matt is a default choice (although it may have started out that way). Increasingly, she finds that Matt offers her the kind of love affection and intimacy that she has always craved from Light, but never quite 'believed'. I'll get more into that later. In short, Matt offers her the kind of reassurance that she always had to draw out of Light. What she had to struggle to get from Light, Matt gives her freely. Whilst this is, in some ways, unsatisfying for Misa (she is happiest when she feels she has to work for someone's love and attention - as alluded to in this thread between goggleboy03 and herself) she also revels in the differences between Matt and Light. In a sense, Matt is also offering her is own challenge by 'forcing' her (or at the very least challenging her) to move on from Light and be her own person. Misa recognises that in order to make Matt happy, she needs to be able to 'stand on her own two feet'. This is rather ironic in that she is really only taking steps to appear as if she is self sufficient in order to please Matt, but somewhere along the line she might (finally) realise that she is better off for it.
Her relationship with Mello is complicated. In many respects, Misa is attracted to Mello because he more closely resembles Light than Matt does. Whilst Matt is cuddly supportive and caring, Mello seemingly doesn't give two shits about her except as far as her being around seems to please Matt. This is attractive to Misa because she knows that in order to keep Matt happy, she also has to work for Mello's approval - and there's nothing Misa likes quite so much that working to please someone who is secretly repulsed by her not altogether fond of her. From Misa's perspective, their 'three-way-relationship' is ideal: Matt is consistent, supportive, caring and affectionate - almost a secondary submissive, although still slightly dominant to Misa - Mello is angry, passionate, violent and hard to please - in other words, extremely dominant. Between the two of them, she more or less has her relationship with Light replicated (only both Mello and Matt are 'honest' with their feelings, whereas Light's feelings towards Misa were, at best, an act, and at worse a downright manipulative lie).
So what you're saying is Misa is weak/stupid?
Not at all. As I've already mentioned, I believe Misa must have (canonically) been at least moderately intelligent and strong willed to become the second kira and get into contact with Light in the first place. Not to mention the fact that it takes strength of halve your lifespan not once but twice in order to do what you believe is morally right. And I do think that (whilst she was with Light) Misa truly believed that Kira's actions were morally correct: after all, that's what incites her to seek out Light in the first place (and when you look at her background, it's understandable that she would want to see criminals punished when the justice system fails). Does she do it primarily because she believes in what Kira does, or because she loves Light (and thinks that in making the second eye deal, she will secure his love)? In truth, I think it is a little of both. But even if she were doing it solely for Light, I think it takes immense strength to sacrifice your life (even if it's only some of your life) for the person you love.
Misa's relationship with Light is not characterised by weakness. I think people confuse her devotion for obsession. Whilst devotion in a relationship may be dangerous, perhaps even unpalatable to many people (especially in the case of Misa, where it is blatantly obvious that Light does not feel the same way) I think it is tragically beautiful. Whilst he increasing dependence on Light may render her weak, I do not believe her to be a weak character in terms of personality.
But she doesn't realise Light doesn't give a crap about her! So she's a ditzy moron, right?
I don't believe for a second that Misa is clueless about how Light really feels about her. How could she possibly not know? When they first meet, he makes it perfectly clear that he will pretend to love her/be her boyfriend, but that she shouldn't hope for anything more. And she explicitly gives him her permission to use her.
To my mind, Misa never forgets those early conversations, nor the instances that indicate Light's true feelings towards her (for example, his numerous 'other girls' whilst he is in college - including Takada - and his disinclination to have much to do with her at all, up until the point that he suggests they move in together). However she suppresses these facts because they are not part of the dominant reality that she has created for herself: the reality where Light loves her and wants to create a new world with her - a world free of crime. Instead she latches onto the memories that support her worldview: Light kissing her, Light telling her he will love her forever if she finds out L's name for him, Light suggesting they move in together. She also 'recasts' actual events into scenarios where Light has acted to benefit her (rather than to benefit himself) - for example, 'saving her life' when he manages to free them both from L's surveillance/imprisonment (which of course had very little to do with Misa's well being at all, and much more to do with keeping Light free to eventually become Kira again).
When Misa arrives at the DNDR mansion - when she is entirely removed from Light's presence and surrounded by people who 'tell it like it is' (and people who know how it is - other Misa's, other L's, other Light's) - it becomes increasingly difficult for her to keep those unsavory memories at bay. She has to start admitting to herself that Light really doesn't care - and that perhaps, if he is lying to her about that, he really is just using her to further his own ends. Whilst Misa may not like L particularly (and in my opinion, she really doesn't) I sincerely doubt that, without Light's influence, she would see it as good or right to kill him. Misa's belief in Kira - in the morality of the 'Kira Ideal' - extends only to punishing criminals in order to relieve the burden of grief suffered by their victims, and their victims' families. Whilst she can recognise that killing L will further this goal, I think that without Light's prodding, she would be disinclined to help kill an innocent man - especially an innocent man who's job it is to bring criminals to justice (all be it in a less expedient fashion).
So what is Misa's position on Kira, then?
As Misa's confidence in/love for Light wanes, I suspect her conviction that using the death note is 'the right thing to do' will wane somewhat, as well. Having said that, Misa will always be of the opinion that vigilantism is sometimes the only way to exact timely and 'fair' justice. To her, a life in prison is not a fair trade for lives snuffed out. It's an eye for an eye, or nothing. She does not see, and will never see, using the death note to kill criminals as 'murder'.
That said, she does feel guilt and remorse - hence her dreams of the blood soaked hallway. She knows that she has killed innocent people in the past, in order to get to Light, and it eats her up inside, although she may not consciously realise that yet. Stay tuned for that particular meltdown ;)
I think that's it for now! Phew, it's late!
Many thanks to all the awesome players at DNDR! I've had the best time 'getting to know' Misa better by playing against you guys!