(no subject)
I'm getting really bad with my emotions.
Yesterday, I just tore Jay up. I said the meanest, cruelest things I could say, when all I really wanted to do was lay next to him and tell him everything was gonna be okay. I dont understand myself.
I dont understand anything anymore!!
One minute I wanted to die, the next... well, okay, it took till this morning for me to not want to die. Its not just because of this, its just that... why can't something go good in my life, and stay that way? Why does everything always have to fall apart? Why... when I prayed that he would be with me, and one day I would have his child, that it was given to HER instead?
She doesn't even seem to care either.
She has everything I want, and she doesn't care. Why did she get it then!?! Whats so special about her!?
The one guy that I let all my walls down with. The one guy I didn't run away from. The one guy I let know every inch of me inside and out! And now he's bound to someone else.
If I could have one fuckin wish, it'd be that Jay would have never cheated, and never will.
Ya know, I should have been the one that cheated. I could list a HUGE amount of things that made me unhappy in the realtionship, and he could only list one.
"You dont hang out with me and my friends." WTF!? fuck that shit! I dont want to! He's even the one that used to be like "I like that we have seperate friends." and shit. I have no interest whatsoever in becoming friends with his friends. Sure, I can hang with Donnie... took me awhile to be comfortable around him, but now he's cool. Hell, I even like David. But do I want to be friends with his alcoholic, violent, druggie coworkers? NO!
I am extremely careful about people I'm friends with. Extremely careful. Every single friend of mine that I have, I trust with my life... and I dont trust just anyone. *shrugs* Its the way I've always been.
And then for him to try and use that guilt trip so I can hang out with a bunch of people I dont know so that I can sit there uncomfortably and wish I was somewhere else??? NO!
Ugh. I need... a ciggarette.
Hm, on a more positive note, I talked to my cousin Sam, and he said he's willing to let me live with him for free once he gets an apartment. =D All I have to do is get a job, and get my life going.
Man, I really really need a job!!!!! Ahhhh! yeah. Um, I'm depressed.
Could someone please trade lives with me?
I have to warn you though...
~ Dont own pets, they will all be taken away or killed.
~ Dont date bad boys. They will all cheat or beat you, or be killed.
~ Dont take out books from the library. For some reason, you start to think their yours and end up having to pay some ridiculously high fine.
~ Dont worry, your not a lesbian. You just think Britney's hott.
~ and most of all, dont tell anyone what your really thinking or feeling. It never turns out good.
Yesterday, I just tore Jay up. I said the meanest, cruelest things I could say, when all I really wanted to do was lay next to him and tell him everything was gonna be okay. I dont understand myself.
I dont understand anything anymore!!
One minute I wanted to die, the next... well, okay, it took till this morning for me to not want to die. Its not just because of this, its just that... why can't something go good in my life, and stay that way? Why does everything always have to fall apart? Why... when I prayed that he would be with me, and one day I would have his child, that it was given to HER instead?
She doesn't even seem to care either.
She has everything I want, and she doesn't care. Why did she get it then!?! Whats so special about her!?
The one guy that I let all my walls down with. The one guy I didn't run away from. The one guy I let know every inch of me inside and out! And now he's bound to someone else.
If I could have one fuckin wish, it'd be that Jay would have never cheated, and never will.
Ya know, I should have been the one that cheated. I could list a HUGE amount of things that made me unhappy in the realtionship, and he could only list one.
"You dont hang out with me and my friends." WTF!? fuck that shit! I dont want to! He's even the one that used to be like "I like that we have seperate friends." and shit. I have no interest whatsoever in becoming friends with his friends. Sure, I can hang with Donnie... took me awhile to be comfortable around him, but now he's cool. Hell, I even like David. But do I want to be friends with his alcoholic, violent, druggie coworkers? NO!
I am extremely careful about people I'm friends with. Extremely careful. Every single friend of mine that I have, I trust with my life... and I dont trust just anyone. *shrugs* Its the way I've always been.
And then for him to try and use that guilt trip so I can hang out with a bunch of people I dont know so that I can sit there uncomfortably and wish I was somewhere else??? NO!
Ugh. I need... a ciggarette.
Hm, on a more positive note, I talked to my cousin Sam, and he said he's willing to let me live with him for free once he gets an apartment. =D All I have to do is get a job, and get my life going.
Man, I really really need a job!!!!! Ahhhh! yeah. Um, I'm depressed.
Could someone please trade lives with me?
I have to warn you though...
~ Dont own pets, they will all be taken away or killed.
~ Dont date bad boys. They will all cheat or beat you, or be killed.
~ Dont take out books from the library. For some reason, you start to think their yours and end up having to pay some ridiculously high fine.
~ Dont worry, your not a lesbian. You just think Britney's hott.
~ and most of all, dont tell anyone what your really thinking or feeling. It never turns out good.