Jaded Jewel Raw Review - 6-18-12
The aftermath of No Way Out is the topic of this Raw. What happened? Let's find out.
WWE Raw Review - 6/18/12
Recap of what happened last week:
Vince McMahon almost fired Johnny Acehole, but of course, shenanigans occurred before he could say those two words. However, Vince was awesome and destroys Johnny’s scooter and danced with Naomi and Cameron.
Vader of all people returned and pwned Heath Slatter.
Sheamus beat Tensai, who in turn beat the tar out of Sakamoto.
R-Truth got knocked the fuck out by Big Show, who then destroyed Kofi and knocked Vince out at the end of the show.
Daniel Bryan and Kane lost to CM Punk and AJ, who practically made out with Kane to ensure the victory. Crazy AJ is… crazy.
Dolph beat Jack Swagger, Khali, and Christian to battle Sheamus at No Way Out in place of Alberto, who got a concussion.
As for the results of No Way Out, they are as follow:
Brodus beat Otunga via count out, Sheamus retains his title in a great match, Santino beat Ricardo in a boring tuxedo match, Christian retains his title against Cody Rhodes, Titus O’Neil and Darren Young are the number one contenders for the tag titles, Triple H challenges Brock Lesner to a match at Summerslam, Layla retains her title against Beth, AJ is a slut, Sin Cara beat Hunico again, Punk retains the title, Ryback killed two more jobbers, and Cena beat Big Show with help from Brodus Clay and several faces, Acehole is fired, and Cena AA’s him through the Spanish Announce table.
So Johnny is canned, but who’s to say he won’t come back for trouble? Also, new storylines to lead us into the summer and the next ppv’s have been created. Who will Cena go after now? Who will AJ flirt with tonight? Who’s next for Ryback to kill? Will there be another old school wrestler popping in for the lead up to the 1000th Raw episode? Who will be the new GM? All this and more if you give a crap in this Jaded Raw Review.
Intro and we are live in Long Island, NY with Jerry “The King” Lawler and Michael “DIAF” Cole.
King and Cole recap Johnny being fired the night before and announce that Johnny will make his final address tonight, plus Cyndi Lauper will be on tonight.
And HOLY CRAP, MICK FOLEY! Foley’s in a suit and tie and looks great.
Mick’s got a mike. “Foley” chants. He was planning to promote the 1000th episode of Raw. But he got a call by the Board of Directors the night before, they were going to contact former GM’s to run Raw until they find an official one. So since Mick was a past one and was a Long Island resident, he’ll be hosting both Raw and Smackdown. First up, in a tag team match, it’ll be Kane and Daniel Bryan Vs Sheamus and CM Punk. He also notes that Johnny was officially fired, but he’s to give his farewell address so give a warm welcome to Johnny.
Boo’s for Johnny, who now has a neck brace and his arm is in a sling. Cole notes that Johnny’s had a rough couple of weeks. No kidding!
Mick helps him into the ring and hugs him before giving him the mike. Johnny does his intro several times to LOUD boo’s and he tries to get them to calm down. “You Suck” chants. Mick says that Johnny wants them to keep the noise down and notes that Johnny said that “Long Island sucks”, earning more boo’s. Johnny yells at them to shut up and says they’re extremely rude. He’s gonna give his address later and announces the main event he had made before he was fired with Cena fighting Big Show, Otunga, and himself. He says it’s his parting gift for everyone and demands Mick to get over to him and wishes him a Nice Day. King calls him a bitter man and Cole thinks this was a good move for him to do.
Sheamus’s music hits as Johnny starts to leave. Sheamus is smiling broadly as he walks to the ring, pausing to mock Johnny.
Punk comes out next, happy as a pig in poop and mocks Johnny as well. Johnny wobbles to the back as Punk enters the ring. Looks like the tag match will be coming up next as Cole shills Punk being on Jimmy Falon later tonight. Sheamus shares a laugh with Mick as we cut to commercial.
First off, nice to see Mick again. Also, how did Johnny make the match for tonight if he thought Cena will be fired?
Back and we got a WWE Rewind featuring AJ making out with Kane last week.
And after that, we’ve got tag action between CM Punk and Sheamus Vs Kane and Daniel Bryan.
Cole notes it got weirder last night with AJ kissing all three guys in the triple threat match, noting that Kane’s kiss was longer. He also recaps Kane accidentally knocking AJ off the ring and him looking concern, even carrying her to the back, AJ smiling at Punk as it happened. Everyone is wearing red and black related clothes tonight. There’s a commercial during the match. King calls Daniel Goat Face a few times. There’s some close calls and nice action. Daniel gets some good moves in against both Sheamus and Punk. Then came the ending. AJ, dressed like Kane (mask and similar outfit), comes skipping out to the ring, confusing EVERYONE. She then skips back to the back with Kane following her. Punk takes advantage of this by tagging Sheamus in, the two do a GTS and Brogue Kick combo on Daniel Bryan and Sheamus pins him. Sheamus and Punk celebrate and Kane is confused.
So AJ has become Harley Quinn now? Huh. Anyway, great match with all four men showing off some good moves.
Later tonight, will Lesner accept Triple H’s challenge for Summerslam? *shakes Magic 8-Ball* Ask again later.
Back from commercial and Swagger and Ziggler are bitching at each other over who the biggest star in the team is. Vickie breaks it up and says its time for her to make a decision over who will deserve her love and attention. They’re gonna settle it in the ring right now. Both men agree and leave.
Johnny and Otunga are chuckling together and Show walks in. Johnny says that Cena won’t beat the three of them and that the WWE Universe will never forget him. He also says the fans don’t deserve Show and he’ll leave a lasting impression on everything. Show doesn’t find anything funny and leaves. Otunga notes he’s in a bad mood. Johnny promises that Cena will get his tonight.
Anyhow, Dolph Ziggler Vs Jack Swagger for Vickie’s love, admiration, and respect. We get a commercial as Dolph comes out. Nice, WWE, nice… Back and Swagger gets the jobber entrance because the match is underway. Cole lists off both men’s past acclaims before coming to the WWE. Swagger goes after Ziggler’s injured knee during the match. However, Ziggler manages to score the win with a Zig Zag. Vickie is pleased, but concerned with Ziggler. The two kiss, the fans “Ooooooo”.
Nice match with both men being in good form. Not really sad to see the end of this tag team. Didn’t need to see the kiss, though.
King and Cole recap Triple H’s announcement the night before at the PPV and play the clip of it.
A black limo pulls up in the back and we don’t see who is in it as we cut to commercial.
King’s favorite moment from the 1000th episodes of Raw is Mick visiting Vince in the hospital, debuting Mr. Socko, and Austin attacking Vince with a bedpan. I agree with King when he said that he loved the sound of the bedpan hitting Vince’s head.
Both men are laughing as we have Lesner’s music hit. And out comes Paul Heyman. Yay! Heyman introduces himself as Brock’s representative. He starts badmouthing Triple H and the people that kiss his ass. He says that Brock won’t drop the lawsuit against the WWE, he won’t drop his lawsuit against Triple H, and Brock won’t fight Triple H at Summerslam. He thanks everyone for their time and starts to leave…
TIME TO PLAY THE GAME.
Triple H makes his way to the ring as we go into hour two. Cole recaps Johnny’s announcement in the first hour as Triple H enters the ring with a mike.
Triple H gets a mike and says he’s not one of Paul’s cronies and calls him a liar. He says that Brock will fight him. Heyman tries to interrupt, but Triple H wants to hear Brock say he’ll fight him at Summerslam. He says he can give Brock what he wants - being a star - and shows a picture of Brock for the Summerslam PPV promotion. He can give Brock that if he agrees to fight him. Paul says that Brock has no ego. Triple H lol’s at that and notes the things Brock demanded. It’s all about ego for Brock according to Triple H. Hunter also notes he’s got a bunch of lawyers waiting to go after Brock and Paul. Hunter says if he doesn’t, Brock will be known as the guy who is scared of Triple H. Heyman says Triple H is that damn good and almost had him going. He tells him to stop pretending to be a wrestler and tells him to go back to being the King of Kings because Triple H isn’t the king of anything. Heyman laughs at Triple H, mocks him and says he’s becoming like Vince. He says that Brock won’t fighting and eggs him on, promising to sue him if he hits him. He starts to say he’ll do something to Stephanie and Hunter grabs him by his tie. Hunter doesn’t hit him, but glares at him. Heyman eggs him on, saying he can outthink him. Hunter then finally punches him and grabs a mike. He then asks if Paul saw that coming. He then tells Paul that he’ll see Brock at Summerslam, unless he’s afraid that this will happen to him. Hunter leaves as refs check Heyman.
King and Cole comment if Triple H will rue the day for doing this.
Later, Cena Vs Big Show, Otunga, and Johnny Acehole tonight. They then recap Ricardo losing to Santino in the horrid Tuxedo match and say Santino will fight Alberto after commercial.
Here's an idea, Hunter. If Heyman says that Brock won't fight him, challenge HEYMAN to fight at Summerslam and THAT will get Heyman to get Brock to fight you! Just a little something to think about. Aside from that, nice promo from both men.
Back from commercial and its Alberto del Rio Vs Santino Marella
Alberto makes his return from being out with a concussion. Not really a good match. Santino tries to get the Cobra prepped, but Alberto takes him down and makes him tap. Ricardo is happy with this and goes after Santino as Alberto leaves the ring to add insult to injury.
Coming up next as announced by Cole is Cyndi Lauper. We get a package of Cyndi back in the 80’s with wrestlers like Captain Lou, Wendi Richter, and Sergeant Slaughter. Yay!
Back and Layla is in the ring. She then introduces Wendi Richter and Cyndi Lauper. Cyndi looks great. Wendi, though, not so much. Cyndi gets on the mike and says it’s been a long time since she was in a WWE ring. Wendi says it feels like yesterday since she was with Cyndi.
Heath Slatter comes out and Cole is happy for this. Heath calls this a train wreck, making a reference to the Long Island Railroad. “Who are you?” Cyndi asks. Heath asks if this is a joke and calls himself the One-Man Band. Cyndi says she can afford a band. Heath tells the three to get out of the ring so he can sing. Cole is laughing at this as Heath starts singing….. and it’s bad. “We Want Ryder” chants. Cyndi says she hasn’t heard anything this bad since her cat died.
And OUT COMES ROWDY RODDY PIPER! Cole insults Piper as he comes out. Piper kisses Layla’s cheek, kisses Wendi’s hand, and kisses Cyndi’s hand. He then tells “Miss Slatter” to take a hike. Piper is still awesome and says it was the Rock and Wrestling connection that launched Wrestling to where it is. Piper, who is probably a little hammered, tells Cyndi he loves her and gives her a special gift. “Rowdy” chant. He gives a special shout out to Captain Lou, which the crowd going “LOUUUU!!!!”, and notes he once hit him over the head with a gold record. He then gives the Cyndi Lauper “She-Bop” gold record to Cyndi. Cole says he’s gonna get sick as Piper hugs Cyndi. It’s a cute moment and Heath rolls his eyes and bitches and moans about it. He tells them to shut up and get out of the ring so he can sing. Heath singing more and Cole is now apparently a Heath fanboy now. Piper says he sings like a vulture and pokes him in the eye. Cyndi then hits Heath with the Gold Record, which may have not been scripted judging by Pipers reaction. Layla, Wendi, and Cyndi celebrate in the ring and Cole says this was one of the worst segments ever on Raw. Piper checks Heath, who looks like he got cut open from that.
Heath singing was quite bad and didn’t need to happen. Cool to see Cyndi with Piper and Wendi. Didn’t need Layla either, too. I’m still not sure if Cyndi smacking Heath with the gold record frame was scripted or not. Oh, and Cole, this wasn’t one of the worst segments ever on Raw. Yeah, it wasn’t really great, but it was fun. Wanna know what was one of the worst, though, Cole? YOUR STUPID MICHAEL COLE CHALLENGE FROM MY FIRST REVIEW!
Reminder, Cena Vs Big Show, Otunga, Acehole is later tonight as we head to commercial.
Back and we have Primo and Epico with Rosa Vs AW’s new representatives Tidus O’neil and Darren Young.
AW introduces the “Prime Time Players” and Cole thinks it was a good idea for AW for dumping Primo and Epico. Cole shills the one-on-three match later while King is focused on Rosa. It’s an alright match. Tidus and Darren are wearing pink tights, btw. Bret Hart and anyone from the Hart Family are the only men that can wear pink. Tidus and Darren, with AW, retreat and get counted out, AW saying it doesn’t matter since they’re the number one contenders. Cole says they’re right about that while King thinks they chickened out.
Like I said, it was an alright match and such, but it ended poorly.
Johnny, Otunga, and Big Show are shown getting ready for the match after commercial, plus Cole announces that Jericho will return next Monday.
Promo for the 1000th episode and the three hour expansion, including promising that DX will appear.
Johnny is in the ring and says that Cena cheated in his match the night before. He then goes on about what happened, including Cena putting him through the table. He says he and Show are not the losers, but the fans are now it since they now don’t have People Power. He says that everyone is a loser. He promises the next time they’ll see him is when he’s inducted in the WWE Hall of Fame. He will give them what they deserve: the biggest beat down on John Cena ever. He then introduces his partners. Otunga comes out first. Cole says that Otunga is still loyal to Johnny. Show comes out after him. Also, Johnny’s been using his bad arm to hold the mike. There’s a commercial as Show comes out.
We’re back and Teddy Long is with Cole and King at ring side. Cole kisses Teddy ass like crazy.
So it’s time for Johnny Acehole, Big Show, and David Otunga Vs John Cena.
Show gets on the mike, noting it took six men to beat him last night, including Cena. Show thanks Johnny for his new contract and his bonus. He thanks him for letting him be him. He also says he’s proven he can beat Cena on his own and now he’s on to bigger and better things. He sees no reason to compete in the ring tonight. He tells the two they are on their own and leaves. Johnny freaks and Teddy says that what happened last night was a classic night. Otunga and Johnny are alone in the ring as Cena comes out. Cena comes out and is ready to fight Johnny and Otunga. The latter two circle the ring before Otunga gets in to fight Cena. “Let’s go Cena/Cena sucks” chants. Otunga and Cena fight first. Otunga tries to tag Johnny twice, but Johnny backs away and tells Otunga to fight Cena by himself. Otunga and Cena brawl a bit outside before going back into the ring after Otunga throws Cena into the steel stairs. Otunga now has the upperhand. Johnny is tagged in and no sells all his injuries. Cena kicks out of a pin and Johnny tries to get Otunga back in, but Otunga walks away from him. Cena then goes after Acehole and takes him down with his five knuckle shuffle, then an AA, with Cena shouting “People Power”. The fans shout one more time and Cena obliges. The fans cheer for another. Cena does so and locks in a STF. Johnny taps out and everyone cheers, including Teddy. Cena salutes to Teddy, who is enjoying every moment. King is happy as well as Cena celebrates in the ring. King says no one will feel sorry for Johnny. Cena does the “You can’t see me” to Johnny as Cole announces that the Johnny era is over. Fade to black as King says goodbye to Acehole.
Well, good-f’en-bye Johnny Ace. I hope you don’t pop up on my TV for a long time, but knowing the WWE, I won’t be surprised if he comes back next week for some contrived reason. As for the rest of the show, it… wasn’t all that great. Only two matches were good or great: the tag match with Punk, Sheamus, DB, and Kane, and Dolph Vs Jack. Mick wasn’t in the show much even though he was the GM for the night. The Cyndi/Wendi/Piper/Heath segment was a bit bad I admit, but it wasn’t horrible in my opinion. The rest of it wasn’t all that great, though. I’d give it a 5 out of 10 mostly for Piper, the first match, Mick, and the fact I’m a Cyndi Lauper fan.
WWE Raw Review - 6/18/12
Recap of what happened last week:
Vince McMahon almost fired Johnny Acehole, but of course, shenanigans occurred before he could say those two words. However, Vince was awesome and destroys Johnny’s scooter and danced with Naomi and Cameron.
Vader of all people returned and pwned Heath Slatter.
Sheamus beat Tensai, who in turn beat the tar out of Sakamoto.
R-Truth got knocked the fuck out by Big Show, who then destroyed Kofi and knocked Vince out at the end of the show.
Daniel Bryan and Kane lost to CM Punk and AJ, who practically made out with Kane to ensure the victory. Crazy AJ is… crazy.
Dolph beat Jack Swagger, Khali, and Christian to battle Sheamus at No Way Out in place of Alberto, who got a concussion.
As for the results of No Way Out, they are as follow:
Brodus beat Otunga via count out, Sheamus retains his title in a great match, Santino beat Ricardo in a boring tuxedo match, Christian retains his title against Cody Rhodes, Titus O’Neil and Darren Young are the number one contenders for the tag titles, Triple H challenges Brock Lesner to a match at Summerslam, Layla retains her title against Beth, AJ is a slut, Sin Cara beat Hunico again, Punk retains the title, Ryback killed two more jobbers, and Cena beat Big Show with help from Brodus Clay and several faces, Acehole is fired, and Cena AA’s him through the Spanish Announce table.
So Johnny is canned, but who’s to say he won’t come back for trouble? Also, new storylines to lead us into the summer and the next ppv’s have been created. Who will Cena go after now? Who will AJ flirt with tonight? Who’s next for Ryback to kill? Will there be another old school wrestler popping in for the lead up to the 1000th Raw episode? Who will be the new GM? All this and more if you give a crap in this Jaded Raw Review.
Intro and we are live in Long Island, NY with Jerry “The King” Lawler and Michael “DIAF” Cole.
King and Cole recap Johnny being fired the night before and announce that Johnny will make his final address tonight, plus Cyndi Lauper will be on tonight.
And HOLY CRAP, MICK FOLEY! Foley’s in a suit and tie and looks great.
Mick’s got a mike. “Foley” chants. He was planning to promote the 1000th episode of Raw. But he got a call by the Board of Directors the night before, they were going to contact former GM’s to run Raw until they find an official one. So since Mick was a past one and was a Long Island resident, he’ll be hosting both Raw and Smackdown. First up, in a tag team match, it’ll be Kane and Daniel Bryan Vs Sheamus and CM Punk. He also notes that Johnny was officially fired, but he’s to give his farewell address so give a warm welcome to Johnny.
Boo’s for Johnny, who now has a neck brace and his arm is in a sling. Cole notes that Johnny’s had a rough couple of weeks. No kidding!
Mick helps him into the ring and hugs him before giving him the mike. Johnny does his intro several times to LOUD boo’s and he tries to get them to calm down. “You Suck” chants. Mick says that Johnny wants them to keep the noise down and notes that Johnny said that “Long Island sucks”, earning more boo’s. Johnny yells at them to shut up and says they’re extremely rude. He’s gonna give his address later and announces the main event he had made before he was fired with Cena fighting Big Show, Otunga, and himself. He says it’s his parting gift for everyone and demands Mick to get over to him and wishes him a Nice Day. King calls him a bitter man and Cole thinks this was a good move for him to do.
Sheamus’s music hits as Johnny starts to leave. Sheamus is smiling broadly as he walks to the ring, pausing to mock Johnny.
Punk comes out next, happy as a pig in poop and mocks Johnny as well. Johnny wobbles to the back as Punk enters the ring. Looks like the tag match will be coming up next as Cole shills Punk being on Jimmy Falon later tonight. Sheamus shares a laugh with Mick as we cut to commercial.
First off, nice to see Mick again. Also, how did Johnny make the match for tonight if he thought Cena will be fired?
Back and we got a WWE Rewind featuring AJ making out with Kane last week.
And after that, we’ve got tag action between CM Punk and Sheamus Vs Kane and Daniel Bryan.
Cole notes it got weirder last night with AJ kissing all three guys in the triple threat match, noting that Kane’s kiss was longer. He also recaps Kane accidentally knocking AJ off the ring and him looking concern, even carrying her to the back, AJ smiling at Punk as it happened. Everyone is wearing red and black related clothes tonight. There’s a commercial during the match. King calls Daniel Goat Face a few times. There’s some close calls and nice action. Daniel gets some good moves in against both Sheamus and Punk. Then came the ending. AJ, dressed like Kane (mask and similar outfit), comes skipping out to the ring, confusing EVERYONE. She then skips back to the back with Kane following her. Punk takes advantage of this by tagging Sheamus in, the two do a GTS and Brogue Kick combo on Daniel Bryan and Sheamus pins him. Sheamus and Punk celebrate and Kane is confused.
So AJ has become Harley Quinn now? Huh. Anyway, great match with all four men showing off some good moves.
Later tonight, will Lesner accept Triple H’s challenge for Summerslam? *shakes Magic 8-Ball* Ask again later.
Back from commercial and Swagger and Ziggler are bitching at each other over who the biggest star in the team is. Vickie breaks it up and says its time for her to make a decision over who will deserve her love and attention. They’re gonna settle it in the ring right now. Both men agree and leave.
Johnny and Otunga are chuckling together and Show walks in. Johnny says that Cena won’t beat the three of them and that the WWE Universe will never forget him. He also says the fans don’t deserve Show and he’ll leave a lasting impression on everything. Show doesn’t find anything funny and leaves. Otunga notes he’s in a bad mood. Johnny promises that Cena will get his tonight.
Anyhow, Dolph Ziggler Vs Jack Swagger for Vickie’s love, admiration, and respect. We get a commercial as Dolph comes out. Nice, WWE, nice… Back and Swagger gets the jobber entrance because the match is underway. Cole lists off both men’s past acclaims before coming to the WWE. Swagger goes after Ziggler’s injured knee during the match. However, Ziggler manages to score the win with a Zig Zag. Vickie is pleased, but concerned with Ziggler. The two kiss, the fans “Ooooooo”.
Nice match with both men being in good form. Not really sad to see the end of this tag team. Didn’t need to see the kiss, though.
King and Cole recap Triple H’s announcement the night before at the PPV and play the clip of it.
A black limo pulls up in the back and we don’t see who is in it as we cut to commercial.
King’s favorite moment from the 1000th episodes of Raw is Mick visiting Vince in the hospital, debuting Mr. Socko, and Austin attacking Vince with a bedpan. I agree with King when he said that he loved the sound of the bedpan hitting Vince’s head.
Both men are laughing as we have Lesner’s music hit. And out comes Paul Heyman. Yay! Heyman introduces himself as Brock’s representative. He starts badmouthing Triple H and the people that kiss his ass. He says that Brock won’t drop the lawsuit against the WWE, he won’t drop his lawsuit against Triple H, and Brock won’t fight Triple H at Summerslam. He thanks everyone for their time and starts to leave…
TIME TO PLAY THE GAME.
Triple H makes his way to the ring as we go into hour two. Cole recaps Johnny’s announcement in the first hour as Triple H enters the ring with a mike.
Triple H gets a mike and says he’s not one of Paul’s cronies and calls him a liar. He says that Brock will fight him. Heyman tries to interrupt, but Triple H wants to hear Brock say he’ll fight him at Summerslam. He says he can give Brock what he wants - being a star - and shows a picture of Brock for the Summerslam PPV promotion. He can give Brock that if he agrees to fight him. Paul says that Brock has no ego. Triple H lol’s at that and notes the things Brock demanded. It’s all about ego for Brock according to Triple H. Hunter also notes he’s got a bunch of lawyers waiting to go after Brock and Paul. Hunter says if he doesn’t, Brock will be known as the guy who is scared of Triple H. Heyman says Triple H is that damn good and almost had him going. He tells him to stop pretending to be a wrestler and tells him to go back to being the King of Kings because Triple H isn’t the king of anything. Heyman laughs at Triple H, mocks him and says he’s becoming like Vince. He says that Brock won’t fighting and eggs him on, promising to sue him if he hits him. He starts to say he’ll do something to Stephanie and Hunter grabs him by his tie. Hunter doesn’t hit him, but glares at him. Heyman eggs him on, saying he can outthink him. Hunter then finally punches him and grabs a mike. He then asks if Paul saw that coming. He then tells Paul that he’ll see Brock at Summerslam, unless he’s afraid that this will happen to him. Hunter leaves as refs check Heyman.
King and Cole comment if Triple H will rue the day for doing this.
Later, Cena Vs Big Show, Otunga, and Johnny Acehole tonight. They then recap Ricardo losing to Santino in the horrid Tuxedo match and say Santino will fight Alberto after commercial.
Here's an idea, Hunter. If Heyman says that Brock won't fight him, challenge HEYMAN to fight at Summerslam and THAT will get Heyman to get Brock to fight you! Just a little something to think about. Aside from that, nice promo from both men.
Back from commercial and its Alberto del Rio Vs Santino Marella
Alberto makes his return from being out with a concussion. Not really a good match. Santino tries to get the Cobra prepped, but Alberto takes him down and makes him tap. Ricardo is happy with this and goes after Santino as Alberto leaves the ring to add insult to injury.
Coming up next as announced by Cole is Cyndi Lauper. We get a package of Cyndi back in the 80’s with wrestlers like Captain Lou, Wendi Richter, and Sergeant Slaughter. Yay!
Back and Layla is in the ring. She then introduces Wendi Richter and Cyndi Lauper. Cyndi looks great. Wendi, though, not so much. Cyndi gets on the mike and says it’s been a long time since she was in a WWE ring. Wendi says it feels like yesterday since she was with Cyndi.
Heath Slatter comes out and Cole is happy for this. Heath calls this a train wreck, making a reference to the Long Island Railroad. “Who are you?” Cyndi asks. Heath asks if this is a joke and calls himself the One-Man Band. Cyndi says she can afford a band. Heath tells the three to get out of the ring so he can sing. Cole is laughing at this as Heath starts singing….. and it’s bad. “We Want Ryder” chants. Cyndi says she hasn’t heard anything this bad since her cat died.
And OUT COMES ROWDY RODDY PIPER! Cole insults Piper as he comes out. Piper kisses Layla’s cheek, kisses Wendi’s hand, and kisses Cyndi’s hand. He then tells “Miss Slatter” to take a hike. Piper is still awesome and says it was the Rock and Wrestling connection that launched Wrestling to where it is. Piper, who is probably a little hammered, tells Cyndi he loves her and gives her a special gift. “Rowdy” chant. He gives a special shout out to Captain Lou, which the crowd going “LOUUUU!!!!”, and notes he once hit him over the head with a gold record. He then gives the Cyndi Lauper “She-Bop” gold record to Cyndi. Cole says he’s gonna get sick as Piper hugs Cyndi. It’s a cute moment and Heath rolls his eyes and bitches and moans about it. He tells them to shut up and get out of the ring so he can sing. Heath singing more and Cole is now apparently a Heath fanboy now. Piper says he sings like a vulture and pokes him in the eye. Cyndi then hits Heath with the Gold Record, which may have not been scripted judging by Pipers reaction. Layla, Wendi, and Cyndi celebrate in the ring and Cole says this was one of the worst segments ever on Raw. Piper checks Heath, who looks like he got cut open from that.
Heath singing was quite bad and didn’t need to happen. Cool to see Cyndi with Piper and Wendi. Didn’t need Layla either, too. I’m still not sure if Cyndi smacking Heath with the gold record frame was scripted or not. Oh, and Cole, this wasn’t one of the worst segments ever on Raw. Yeah, it wasn’t really great, but it was fun. Wanna know what was one of the worst, though, Cole? YOUR STUPID MICHAEL COLE CHALLENGE FROM MY FIRST REVIEW!
Reminder, Cena Vs Big Show, Otunga, Acehole is later tonight as we head to commercial.
Back and we have Primo and Epico with Rosa Vs AW’s new representatives Tidus O’neil and Darren Young.
AW introduces the “Prime Time Players” and Cole thinks it was a good idea for AW for dumping Primo and Epico. Cole shills the one-on-three match later while King is focused on Rosa. It’s an alright match. Tidus and Darren are wearing pink tights, btw. Bret Hart and anyone from the Hart Family are the only men that can wear pink. Tidus and Darren, with AW, retreat and get counted out, AW saying it doesn’t matter since they’re the number one contenders. Cole says they’re right about that while King thinks they chickened out.
Like I said, it was an alright match and such, but it ended poorly.
Johnny, Otunga, and Big Show are shown getting ready for the match after commercial, plus Cole announces that Jericho will return next Monday.
Promo for the 1000th episode and the three hour expansion, including promising that DX will appear.
Johnny is in the ring and says that Cena cheated in his match the night before. He then goes on about what happened, including Cena putting him through the table. He says he and Show are not the losers, but the fans are now it since they now don’t have People Power. He says that everyone is a loser. He promises the next time they’ll see him is when he’s inducted in the WWE Hall of Fame. He will give them what they deserve: the biggest beat down on John Cena ever. He then introduces his partners. Otunga comes out first. Cole says that Otunga is still loyal to Johnny. Show comes out after him. Also, Johnny’s been using his bad arm to hold the mike. There’s a commercial as Show comes out.
We’re back and Teddy Long is with Cole and King at ring side. Cole kisses Teddy ass like crazy.
So it’s time for Johnny Acehole, Big Show, and David Otunga Vs John Cena.
Show gets on the mike, noting it took six men to beat him last night, including Cena. Show thanks Johnny for his new contract and his bonus. He thanks him for letting him be him. He also says he’s proven he can beat Cena on his own and now he’s on to bigger and better things. He sees no reason to compete in the ring tonight. He tells the two they are on their own and leaves. Johnny freaks and Teddy says that what happened last night was a classic night. Otunga and Johnny are alone in the ring as Cena comes out. Cena comes out and is ready to fight Johnny and Otunga. The latter two circle the ring before Otunga gets in to fight Cena. “Let’s go Cena/Cena sucks” chants. Otunga and Cena fight first. Otunga tries to tag Johnny twice, but Johnny backs away and tells Otunga to fight Cena by himself. Otunga and Cena brawl a bit outside before going back into the ring after Otunga throws Cena into the steel stairs. Otunga now has the upperhand. Johnny is tagged in and no sells all his injuries. Cena kicks out of a pin and Johnny tries to get Otunga back in, but Otunga walks away from him. Cena then goes after Acehole and takes him down with his five knuckle shuffle, then an AA, with Cena shouting “People Power”. The fans shout one more time and Cena obliges. The fans cheer for another. Cena does so and locks in a STF. Johnny taps out and everyone cheers, including Teddy. Cena salutes to Teddy, who is enjoying every moment. King is happy as well as Cena celebrates in the ring. King says no one will feel sorry for Johnny. Cena does the “You can’t see me” to Johnny as Cole announces that the Johnny era is over. Fade to black as King says goodbye to Acehole.
Well, good-f’en-bye Johnny Ace. I hope you don’t pop up on my TV for a long time, but knowing the WWE, I won’t be surprised if he comes back next week for some contrived reason. As for the rest of the show, it… wasn’t all that great. Only two matches were good or great: the tag match with Punk, Sheamus, DB, and Kane, and Dolph Vs Jack. Mick wasn’t in the show much even though he was the GM for the night. The Cyndi/Wendi/Piper/Heath segment was a bit bad I admit, but it wasn’t horrible in my opinion. The rest of it wasn’t all that great, though. I’d give it a 5 out of 10 mostly for Piper, the first match, Mick, and the fact I’m a Cyndi Lauper fan.