Jaded Jewel Raw Review - 6-11-12
A special three hour Raw as we countdown not just No Way Out, but the 1000th episode of Raw.
WWE Raw Review - 6/11/12
Recap of what happened last week:
Michael Cole made some actual good points about the Cena/Show feud, which was scary.
Cena in turned beat the tar out of him and humiliated him after beating Tensai for the first time. It was both amusing and cringeworthy at the same time. Cole was also ruthlessly teased about the upcoming match by King. BE A STAR, Everyone!
Nice match between Sheamus and Dolph, which ended with Alberto and Ricardo jumping Sheamus after he won.
We learn that Vince McMahon will be appearing next week to evaluate Johnny Acehole.
Sin Cara and Hunico had a match with little to no botching. Holy crap!
CM Punk lost to Kane in the only really, really good match. AJ tried to flirt with Kane in order to get away from him, making the Big Red Machine confused.
Kofi and R-Truth no sold their injuries from last week as they participated in tag action.
Ryback made his Raw debut and killed two skinny jobbers. No one cared.
So tonight, Vinnie-Mac is back on TV for the first time in months to evaluate Johnny Acehole. Will he be interrupted before his final thoughts? Will he fire Johnny without interruption or will he let him keep his job? What will Big Show do to earn more heat against Cena? What kind of craziness will AJ pull next? All this, plus an extra hour to fill this in, along with a match to find out the new number one contender for Sheamus’s title due to Del Rio getting a concussion, as we go into our next Jaded Raw Review.
Indent, intro, and we are live in Hartford, CT with Jerry “the King” Lawler and Michael “Go to hell” Cole.
And we start right off the bat with Johnny Acehole, in his douchemobile. Lots of Vince and “You’re Fired” signs are in the crowd. Cole says he heard rumors that Vince is satisfied with Johnny’s performance. King has heard differently. Cole doesn’t think Johnny’s nervous and kisses his ass, saying he still supports him, even after last week.
Johnny does his usual intro spill but before he can finish it, Vinnie Mac time.
Vince looks great and gets CHEERED! Johhny asks for a handshake, but Vince refuses, saying he doesn’t know where that hand has been. He’s here for business, not friendship. He tells Johnny to give him one reason he shouldn’t fire Johnny right now.
Johnny has two words: People Power. He flubs “1000th episode” and says he listens to the people and they love him for it. Vince asks the fans if they love him. Boo’s. Johnny notes they used to boo him years ago, but they now respect him. He also says they have things in common: They’re visionaries, innovators, etc. “Fire Johnny” chants. Vince asks if he’s the businessman that hired Brock, who causes two legal lawsuits against the WWE. Johnny tries to defend himself, but Vince calls him out for hiring the wrong one-legged wrestler (apparently, they wanted Zach Gowen, but Johnny hired the wrong dude) rehiring Big Show with a big contract, someone who hasn’t performed well since 1999. Johnny defends himself by restating some of what happened to Vince to show how he’s changed since then. He boasts that Show will beat Cena at No Way Out. He restates his jobs proudly, and says he knows how to relate to talent, that they think of him as a friend. Fans laugh at him for flubbing his words. “We can’t understand you. How can they be your friend?” Johnny tries to defend himself again and-
Sheamus comes out. Cole says they’ll reveal more on the changes to Sheamus’s title match at No Way Out later.
Sheamus has a mike. He says it’s great to see Vince and says he looks great. He says that Johnny is a friend, a good friend that’ll fine someone half a million dollars, that’ll hold a personal vendetta for bumping into you. Vince notes that “Fire Johnny” is treanding. Sheamus also notes that Johnny is the worst GM in WWE history. So on behalf of the superstars, the fans here and the fans watching, he asks for him to fire him.
Johnny is mad at him and is going to find someone to make him sorry in a match up next. Vince stops him and tells him that all the matches better be very impressive and if he doesn’t impress him, he’s gonna hear these two words: YOU’RE FIRED!
Johnny leaves and Cole is worried about him. Vince takes Johnny’’s scooter and drives it back to the back and he’s having fun. Sheamus watches in amusement as Vince tosses the scooter off the ramp. Cole complains about that, asking what “Big Johnny” is gonna do now as we go to commercial
God, I can’t believe I was so damn happy that Vince was on TV. Johnny screwed up several time in the promo, flubbing words and lines, which Vince calls him out on. Sheamus was also entertaining to watch and hear. Vince destroying Johnny’s scooter was an added plus to watch.
Back and they recap Vince destroying the DoucheScooter. Sheamus is in the ring awaiting his opponent. King wants to hear the “You’re Fired” words while Cole shows Alberto getting a concussion from Great Khali, putting him out of action, so a new number one contender will be named later.
Johnny announces that he’s picked an opponent for Sheamus, who is not in a good mood.
And it’s Tensai, who shoves Sakamoto out of the away again. Cole is still bitter for Tensai losing, leading to him fighting Cena. King says that Tensai is in a foul mood for losing last week for the first time. It’s an alright match. Sheamus and Tensai are good, both having good defense. “Albert” chants pop up during the match. There’s some outside the ring action leading to a ‘stalemate’ according to Cole as we go to commercial. Tensai’s gimmick has gotten stale, but at least he can wrestle. Cole restates that there will be a #1 contender match for Sheamus’s title later tonight. Some close call pins. Tensai gets some red welts on his stomach from Sheamus. Sheamus is bleeding from a cut above his nose. There’s an almost close call pin from Tensai after hitting his powerbomb move on Sheamus. Brogue Kick and Sheamus scores the win.
Nice match with both guys showing some good moves. The commercial during the match might’ve killed some momentum for those watching on TV, but it was still entertaining.
Vince is in the back with Johnny and asks who’ll fight Sheamus. Vickie walks in and pitches Dolph and Jack to fight in a triple threat match. Vince says that Johnny will take that into consideration, then asks if Johnny has any better ideas. Johnny asks if Teddy has an idea. Teddy notes that Khali and Christian are former champs like Jack and Dolph, and suggests a fatal four way with Dolph and Jack, the winner going against Sheamus. Johnny says he was thinking that and tells Teddy to get some coffee… please. Johnny tries a fist bump with Vince, but Vince blows him off, saying he’s got small hands.
Back from commercial and Tensai beats up Sakamoto, asking “Nan da yo?” (which is Japanese for “What was that/What the hell?” or something) and throws him around. He calls him an Idiot in Japanese and screams that he’s Tensai, again in Japanese.
Cole and King notes that this is episode 994 of Raw, hyping the upcoming 1000th episode. Leads into a memorable moment: Seth Green is him hosting Raw and working with Cena and Triple H. Yay….
Interview time with R-Truth from Matt Striker He’s just fine but Little Jimmy was hurt and worried. He has a small argument with Jimmy, then predicts that Cena will beat Big Show. He gets knocked the fuck out by Big Show. Nice way to explain R-Truth being out for a broken foot.
Another commercial and we get a promo for the 1000th episode, including a promise that D-X will be there.
Recap of R-Truth getting knocked the fuck out and we have match time with Santino and Layla Vs Beth Phoenix and Ricardo, the latter is being dragged out by Beth.
There’s a recap of Santino beating up Ricardo from three weeks ago. Cole complains about Johnny possibly being fired. Match is mostly female action. Ricardo tags in to fight Layla, but bolts when Santino gets in. Beth then kicks Ricardo out, disgusted by him. At one point, Santino threatens to hit the Cobra on Ricardo outside, but Ricardo runs and smashes into the ring post. Beth hits the Glam Slam and beats Layla. Santino checks on Layla while Ricardo celebrates, taunting Santino. Santino rips off his white shirt, revealing a PURPLE JUSTIN BIEBER shirt! Ricardo runs away while Santino cracks up.
Meh match focusing on the female wrestling. It’s a gag match. Also, BE A STAR and don’t make fun of people, except if they’re a guy wearing a Justin Bieber shirt.
Otunga tries to kiss up to Vince in the back, saying that Johnny is doing a good job and if Johnny is fired, he hints at himself for being the next GM. Vince says he doesn’t like Lawyers and Backstabbers. Kofi storms in and demands to fight Big Show after what he did to R-Truth. Johnny comes in and makes the match and makes it a Steel Cage match. Well, that explains the cage hanging in the rafters. Nice knowing you, Kofi.
Daniel Bryan is shown walking in the back as Cole says he’ll be joining us after commercial.
Back and they have a recap of Kane Vs CM Punk and AJ’s interference, plus the strange AJ/Kane moment.
The YESman Daniel Bryan comes out. King and Cole shill the Punk/Daniel/Kane match at No Way Out.
Daniel has a mike as we go into hour two. “Yes” chants abound. He notes that one of the three is not like the others. He admits he nothing like Punk or Kane. Both men have a weakness in the form of AJ. Daniel says that Punk is jealous of him and is trying to get with AJ to make him jealous. He then jokes about Kane thinking that AJ likes him. He then says that AJ is still in love with him and boasts that he’s handsome. Yeah, before you got that dumb beard, in my opinion. But he’s not interested in AJ. He’s interested in the WWE title. Question time, will he become the new WWE champion? YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
Punk comes out with his own mike. “CM Punk” chants. He notes that Daniel talks about her a lot. He says that AJ is way out of his league out of the ring and he’s out of his league inside the ring. He admits he digs crazy chicks, but he digs his title even more. He says they’ve beaten each other, but on Sunday, everything is on the line and one of two thing’s will happen. He’ll either beat the deranged freak or Kane, but he’ll walk out champion.
Daniel says “No. No. No.” He says that Punk has changed and that the fans have nothing to say to the one who preaches. Daniel calls Punk the biggest Sell Out instead of Big Show.
Punk shoots back and recaps his epic promo from last year. He rolls his eyes at those who says that was his best promo. He says that nothing has changed with him. He achieved success on his own terms. He didn’t kiss any ass or compromised anything. He calls Daniel a self-absorbed, obnoxious, goatfaced moron and tells him to put that on a t-shirt. “Goat-faced” chants. Punk promises to put him to sleep.
Kane comes out. He reminds them what he is: he set fire to JR, he electrocuted Shane’s balls, and tombstoned a priest. His ‘pipebombs’ are actual pipebombs and he’ll leave No Way Out as Champion.
AJ comes out, telling them to stop. To Kane, she says she looked into his eyes and she saw that he has a heart. “What” chants start up. “You gotta love crazy chicks,” Punk quips, causing a “Crazy Chick” chant. To Daniel, she says that you don’t get over your first love, and she hasn’t. To Punk, who waves at her with a smile, she says he’s the coolest guy in the world. Daniel asks what’s the point of this is. AJ says that she knows the best man will win.
Johnny on the titantron pops up and makes a tag team match with Daniel and Kane Vs Punk and AJ.
What?
King calls this a glorified Handicapped match while Cole recaps and reshows Vince’s warning from early in the show.
Nice promo from at least Punk and Daniel. Kane was pretty good, too, bringing up some of his more recent crazy stunts, but I wished he’d mention the time he caused lighting to strike the announce table. AJ… is nuttier than a fruit cake and it’s kinda entertaining.
Up next after commercial is the Fatal Four Way match with Christian, Dolph, Swagger, and Khali. Whoopee…
Back and King and Cole shill the Pizza Tracker for Dominos, showing that King ordered a pizza. And nothing is mentioned about it after it.
Anyway, we have the Fatal Four Way match for the #1 contender with Christian Vs The Great Khali V-
EXCUSE ME!
Vs Dolph Ziggler Vs Jack Swagger.
Cole says this was a great idea from Johnny, but King notes that Teddy Long was the one who came up with this first. They argue about this for a bit. There’s a commercial during match. Khali gets eliminated first by all three opponents. Then Ziggler eliminates Swagger. It becomes a VERY damn close match between Christian and Ziggler. Cole still kisses Johnny’s ass in the match. Ziggler gets the win thanks to Vickie’s distraction and a Zig-Zag. Vickie celebrates with Dolph in the ring. Dolph screams “About Damn Time” as Sheamus walks up behind him. The two stare each other down on the ramp, Sheamus raising his title in the air.
Great match with some good moves. Glad that Dolph is getting this push.
Vince is with Natalya talking about Wrestlemania and family, bringing up the Bret Vs Vince match, too. He walks away with a groan and bumps into Cameron and Naomi, who try to get him to reverse Johnny’s ban on Brodus from Raw, but it gets rejected. They then try to get him to dance with them and he joins in, dancing with the two. It’s awesome. Vince then bumps into Zack Ryder and Vince does Zack’s “Woo Woo Woo” to a stunned Zack. That was awesome!
There’s a reminder that Kofi and Big Show have a cage match later, plus CM Punk and AJ Vs Kane and Daniel Bryan.
Back from commercial and we got Ryberg/Ryback in action against two guys: Willard Fillmore and Rutherford Hayes. Apparently, Hayes is Michael “Doc Hendrix” Hayes’ son. Ryback kills them. Fans start chanting “Goldberg”. Not really interesting.
And Kofi Vs Big Show in the cage is up next.
Back and Vince and Hornswaggle are watching something. Vince then does an impression of JR. Hornswaggle leaves and Cena walks in. Cena tells him Johnny is awful and tells him to fire him. Vince then notes that Cena lost to Rock, but Cena counters with Vince’s losses. Vince balks and brings up Big Show. He tells Cena not to get involved in the Kofi match. Cena then notes that Johnny used the “You’re Fired” thing before he leaves. Otunga pops in and Vince tells him to screw off. Regal is also in the room after Vince makes reference to kissing people’s butts.
And we got Kofi Vs Big Show in a steel cage. There’s a recap of R-Truth getting pwned by Big Show earlier. Show is shown walking in the back as we go to commercial. Also Brodus Vs Otunga is announced for the pre-game show for No Way Out. Cole lists off all the people Big Show has been taking out since his return. He also starts to say that Cena is to blame for all that’s happen. Show pretty much beats the tar out of Kofi. Show yells “Am I entertaining you?” at one point to the audience. King and Cole argue over Big Show’s choice and if Cena is at fault. Kofi hits the Trouble in Paradise, but Show kicks out. Kofi tries to escape, but Show stops him twice. Show knocks him out with one punch. Show stares at everyone booing at him, soaking it up. Ref says that Kofi is knocked out and Show leaves through the door. Cole wonders who can stop Big Show. Johnny is smiling in the back, watching what happened.
It’s pretty much what you expect: Big Show kills another dude. Boring.
Reminder, CM Punk and AJ Vs Kane and Daniel Bryan as we go to commercial.
Back and it’s Sin Cara (He’s a man, Punch!) Vs Curt Hawkins Sin Cara’s got new music and it’s ok. Hawkins has neon green tights with some designs on them that look dorky. Sin Cara wins. Sign: “We want Mysterio back now!”
Nice match with Sin Cara doing little to no botches.
King and Cole shill “Backstage Fallout” on youtube, then reveal a countdown for Vince’s decision. Cole begs for Vince to keep Johnny on board as we go to commercial.
Back and we got some shilling for No Way Out, plus Triple H will talk about what’s been going on at the PPV.
Daniel Bryan is stretching in the back and Vince walks up to him, wishing him luck. Vince asks for his opinion on judging a book by its cover. Daniel notes they’re both self made success stories. Vince jokes he hasn’t finished anything in 16 seconds.
Up next, Johnny is letting a former main event wrestler be in a match.
Back with a memorable Raw moment from the first episode of Raw from Dolph Ziggler, who watched it when he was little and reveals his favorite guy is Bobby Hennan.
Match time is Heath Slatter in a match with a former Raw main Eventer who will be at the 1000th episode of Raw. Heath, who sounds drunk, boasts it’s Slatter Tim-
OH MY GOD, BIG VAN VADER!
King and Cole gush over Vader’s big events, including Vader doing a Vader Bomb on Gorilla Monsoon. Vader looks great! “Let’s go Vader” Chants and fans doing the “V” signs. He’s crazy over. Awesome to see Vader and he’s still great in the ring. Vader kicks ass and Heath does some good defense, but Vader takes him down a peg. “Vader Bomb” chant and Vader does so, earning the win. Fucking bad ass! King admits that Johnny impressed him with this.
Awesome to see Vader. He still looks great and was marking out like crazy when his music hit.
Be A Star promo from earlier that day. Hmm, and last week, Cena beat up Michael Cole and earlier we had Santino laughing at Ricardo for wearing a Bieber shirt.
AJ and Punk talk, Punk promises he won’t let AJ get hurt. He also calls this a glorified Handycap match, channeling the IWC for a moment. Punk tells her not to do anything crazy and everything will be fine. AJ kisses his cheek and runs off. Punk shakes his head as we go to commercial.
Back and we got Kane and Daniel Bryan Vs CM Punk and AJ. Punk again tells AJ to stay out of the match. Daniel and Kane take turns beating up Punk as AJ watches. Cole and King talk about AJ’s strange behavior, Cole bringing up Kane’s strange relationships. AJ is accidentally tagged in and has to fight Kane. AJ tries to eye sex Kane into not hurting her. She then skips around him, smiling. She then jumps on him, he catches her, and she FULL ON KISSES HIM! And it’s not just a simple kiss, she pretty much makes out with him. Yeah… Kane stares at her with Punk looking on in confusion. Kane tags Daniel back in, confused. Daniel charges at AJ, who runs into a Punk fist. AJ gets out of the away and Punk hits the Macho elbow to score the win. Punk poses while AJ sits like Punk in the ring, smiling happily. Kane, Punk, and Daniel are all confused as am I.
Nice match, but I have no idea where they’re going with this angle. Also, that kiss was something I’d see on something non-PG.
Up next, Vince gives his job evaluation on Johnny after commercial. I’m predicting shenanigans.
Back and NO CHANCE, here comes Vince, plus several security guards. Cole gushes over Johnny’s actions tonight, but King doesn’t think so.
Vince gets on the mike, says he always had a warm spot in his heart for Connecticut, even noting that Stephanie was born in Hartford. He hints that he might fire Johnny and calls him out.
Johnny hobbles out on the one crutch, staring mournfully at his fallen scooter. Cole doesn’t want Johnny to be fired and complains about it to King.
Johnny has a mike and says he didn’t like what Vince did to his scooter. He also says he’d never lay his hands on Vince. Vince says they’re not for him, but for Johnny. He says they’ll walk a certain someone out of the ring and out of the building. Johnny lists off what he’s done since in charge and says they need him for Raw and Smackdown. He tells him to do the right thing for the WWE Universe and let him keep his job. Vince talks about People Power and notes he has two words that are synonymous with him. He starts to say those two words…
Big Show comes out. Called it. Show admits Johnny made a few mistakes, but he gave him an iron clad contract, allowing him to do whatever he wants. He knows Vince can fire him, but if he did, he’d have to pay him millions of dollars to do nothing. So don’t get mad at Johnny, it’s not his fault. We know who is at fault. Everything he’s done, it all relates to Vince. He did EVERYTHING Vince asks him. His new contract lets him be what he wants to be. He tells him to be worried about someone else. “Cena” chants. He tells Vince to worry about Cena at No Way Out, promising to beat him.
More Shenanigans as Cena comes out. Cena is here on official business. He notes all the people Big Show blames for him losing his job. He points to Johnny, saying he’s at fault for letting Show complain. He says that Show has always been a Giant, so what makes NOW so different? He finally figured it out, now everything revolves around Show. He’s got everything he wants and has stacked the deck so much, he will win no matter what. What happens if he doesn’t win? If he doesn’t beat Cena, there are no more excuses. There’s nobody left to blame if he loses. He’ll be looked at the World’s Largest Disappointment and he’ll have to show up all the time to hear people call him a sell out. So Show, if he doesn’t win, what happens then?
Vince then announces he’ll be at ringside with Big Johnny and if Show loses, he’ll say those two words to Johnny. Show starts attacking Cena and the security guys. Cena goes after Show and Johnny gets thrown back for trying to trying to stop Cena, then Show knocked out Vince. Johnny yells at Show to get out of there. The two retreat as security check on Vince. We fade to black on Cena looking on in concern.
I totally called it when it came to Vince’s job evaluation of Johnny. I however didn’t call Vader’s return. So yeah, final promo was alright and Cena does make some good points when he calls out Show on his complaints. As for the whole show, it did have some crap points (the mixed tag match and Show’s beating on Kofi. There were some good matches though, including Sheamus/Tensai and the Fatal Four Way. Vince and Vader were the obvious highlights. Overall, not bad of a show and I’ll give it a 7 out of 10, mostly for Vince and Vader’s return, plus some random good things.
WWE Raw Review - 6/11/12
Recap of what happened last week:
Michael Cole made some actual good points about the Cena/Show feud, which was scary.
Cena in turned beat the tar out of him and humiliated him after beating Tensai for the first time. It was both amusing and cringeworthy at the same time. Cole was also ruthlessly teased about the upcoming match by King. BE A STAR, Everyone!
Nice match between Sheamus and Dolph, which ended with Alberto and Ricardo jumping Sheamus after he won.
We learn that Vince McMahon will be appearing next week to evaluate Johnny Acehole.
Sin Cara and Hunico had a match with little to no botching. Holy crap!
CM Punk lost to Kane in the only really, really good match. AJ tried to flirt with Kane in order to get away from him, making the Big Red Machine confused.
Kofi and R-Truth no sold their injuries from last week as they participated in tag action.
Ryback made his Raw debut and killed two skinny jobbers. No one cared.
So tonight, Vinnie-Mac is back on TV for the first time in months to evaluate Johnny Acehole. Will he be interrupted before his final thoughts? Will he fire Johnny without interruption or will he let him keep his job? What will Big Show do to earn more heat against Cena? What kind of craziness will AJ pull next? All this, plus an extra hour to fill this in, along with a match to find out the new number one contender for Sheamus’s title due to Del Rio getting a concussion, as we go into our next Jaded Raw Review.
Indent, intro, and we are live in Hartford, CT with Jerry “the King” Lawler and Michael “Go to hell” Cole.
And we start right off the bat with Johnny Acehole, in his douchemobile. Lots of Vince and “You’re Fired” signs are in the crowd. Cole says he heard rumors that Vince is satisfied with Johnny’s performance. King has heard differently. Cole doesn’t think Johnny’s nervous and kisses his ass, saying he still supports him, even after last week.
Johnny does his usual intro spill but before he can finish it, Vinnie Mac time.
Vince looks great and gets CHEERED! Johhny asks for a handshake, but Vince refuses, saying he doesn’t know where that hand has been. He’s here for business, not friendship. He tells Johnny to give him one reason he shouldn’t fire Johnny right now.
Johnny has two words: People Power. He flubs “1000th episode” and says he listens to the people and they love him for it. Vince asks the fans if they love him. Boo’s. Johnny notes they used to boo him years ago, but they now respect him. He also says they have things in common: They’re visionaries, innovators, etc. “Fire Johnny” chants. Vince asks if he’s the businessman that hired Brock, who causes two legal lawsuits against the WWE. Johnny tries to defend himself, but Vince calls him out for hiring the wrong one-legged wrestler (apparently, they wanted Zach Gowen, but Johnny hired the wrong dude) rehiring Big Show with a big contract, someone who hasn’t performed well since 1999. Johnny defends himself by restating some of what happened to Vince to show how he’s changed since then. He boasts that Show will beat Cena at No Way Out. He restates his jobs proudly, and says he knows how to relate to talent, that they think of him as a friend. Fans laugh at him for flubbing his words. “We can’t understand you. How can they be your friend?” Johnny tries to defend himself again and-
Sheamus comes out. Cole says they’ll reveal more on the changes to Sheamus’s title match at No Way Out later.
Sheamus has a mike. He says it’s great to see Vince and says he looks great. He says that Johnny is a friend, a good friend that’ll fine someone half a million dollars, that’ll hold a personal vendetta for bumping into you. Vince notes that “Fire Johnny” is treanding. Sheamus also notes that Johnny is the worst GM in WWE history. So on behalf of the superstars, the fans here and the fans watching, he asks for him to fire him.
Johnny is mad at him and is going to find someone to make him sorry in a match up next. Vince stops him and tells him that all the matches better be very impressive and if he doesn’t impress him, he’s gonna hear these two words: YOU’RE FIRED!
Johnny leaves and Cole is worried about him. Vince takes Johnny’’s scooter and drives it back to the back and he’s having fun. Sheamus watches in amusement as Vince tosses the scooter off the ramp. Cole complains about that, asking what “Big Johnny” is gonna do now as we go to commercial
God, I can’t believe I was so damn happy that Vince was on TV. Johnny screwed up several time in the promo, flubbing words and lines, which Vince calls him out on. Sheamus was also entertaining to watch and hear. Vince destroying Johnny’s scooter was an added plus to watch.
Back and they recap Vince destroying the DoucheScooter. Sheamus is in the ring awaiting his opponent. King wants to hear the “You’re Fired” words while Cole shows Alberto getting a concussion from Great Khali, putting him out of action, so a new number one contender will be named later.
Johnny announces that he’s picked an opponent for Sheamus, who is not in a good mood.
And it’s Tensai, who shoves Sakamoto out of the away again. Cole is still bitter for Tensai losing, leading to him fighting Cena. King says that Tensai is in a foul mood for losing last week for the first time. It’s an alright match. Sheamus and Tensai are good, both having good defense. “Albert” chants pop up during the match. There’s some outside the ring action leading to a ‘stalemate’ according to Cole as we go to commercial. Tensai’s gimmick has gotten stale, but at least he can wrestle. Cole restates that there will be a #1 contender match for Sheamus’s title later tonight. Some close call pins. Tensai gets some red welts on his stomach from Sheamus. Sheamus is bleeding from a cut above his nose. There’s an almost close call pin from Tensai after hitting his powerbomb move on Sheamus. Brogue Kick and Sheamus scores the win.
Nice match with both guys showing some good moves. The commercial during the match might’ve killed some momentum for those watching on TV, but it was still entertaining.
Vince is in the back with Johnny and asks who’ll fight Sheamus. Vickie walks in and pitches Dolph and Jack to fight in a triple threat match. Vince says that Johnny will take that into consideration, then asks if Johnny has any better ideas. Johnny asks if Teddy has an idea. Teddy notes that Khali and Christian are former champs like Jack and Dolph, and suggests a fatal four way with Dolph and Jack, the winner going against Sheamus. Johnny says he was thinking that and tells Teddy to get some coffee… please. Johnny tries a fist bump with Vince, but Vince blows him off, saying he’s got small hands.
Back from commercial and Tensai beats up Sakamoto, asking “Nan da yo?” (which is Japanese for “What was that/What the hell?” or something) and throws him around. He calls him an Idiot in Japanese and screams that he’s Tensai, again in Japanese.
Cole and King notes that this is episode 994 of Raw, hyping the upcoming 1000th episode. Leads into a memorable moment: Seth Green is him hosting Raw and working with Cena and Triple H. Yay….
Interview time with R-Truth from Matt Striker He’s just fine but Little Jimmy was hurt and worried. He has a small argument with Jimmy, then predicts that Cena will beat Big Show. He gets knocked the fuck out by Big Show. Nice way to explain R-Truth being out for a broken foot.
Another commercial and we get a promo for the 1000th episode, including a promise that D-X will be there.
Recap of R-Truth getting knocked the fuck out and we have match time with Santino and Layla Vs Beth Phoenix and Ricardo, the latter is being dragged out by Beth.
There’s a recap of Santino beating up Ricardo from three weeks ago. Cole complains about Johnny possibly being fired. Match is mostly female action. Ricardo tags in to fight Layla, but bolts when Santino gets in. Beth then kicks Ricardo out, disgusted by him. At one point, Santino threatens to hit the Cobra on Ricardo outside, but Ricardo runs and smashes into the ring post. Beth hits the Glam Slam and beats Layla. Santino checks on Layla while Ricardo celebrates, taunting Santino. Santino rips off his white shirt, revealing a PURPLE JUSTIN BIEBER shirt! Ricardo runs away while Santino cracks up.
Meh match focusing on the female wrestling. It’s a gag match. Also, BE A STAR and don’t make fun of people, except if they’re a guy wearing a Justin Bieber shirt.
Otunga tries to kiss up to Vince in the back, saying that Johnny is doing a good job and if Johnny is fired, he hints at himself for being the next GM. Vince says he doesn’t like Lawyers and Backstabbers. Kofi storms in and demands to fight Big Show after what he did to R-Truth. Johnny comes in and makes the match and makes it a Steel Cage match. Well, that explains the cage hanging in the rafters. Nice knowing you, Kofi.
Daniel Bryan is shown walking in the back as Cole says he’ll be joining us after commercial.
Back and they have a recap of Kane Vs CM Punk and AJ’s interference, plus the strange AJ/Kane moment.
The YESman Daniel Bryan comes out. King and Cole shill the Punk/Daniel/Kane match at No Way Out.
Daniel has a mike as we go into hour two. “Yes” chants abound. He notes that one of the three is not like the others. He admits he nothing like Punk or Kane. Both men have a weakness in the form of AJ. Daniel says that Punk is jealous of him and is trying to get with AJ to make him jealous. He then jokes about Kane thinking that AJ likes him. He then says that AJ is still in love with him and boasts that he’s handsome. Yeah, before you got that dumb beard, in my opinion. But he’s not interested in AJ. He’s interested in the WWE title. Question time, will he become the new WWE champion? YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
Punk comes out with his own mike. “CM Punk” chants. He notes that Daniel talks about her a lot. He says that AJ is way out of his league out of the ring and he’s out of his league inside the ring. He admits he digs crazy chicks, but he digs his title even more. He says they’ve beaten each other, but on Sunday, everything is on the line and one of two thing’s will happen. He’ll either beat the deranged freak or Kane, but he’ll walk out champion.
Daniel says “No. No. No.” He says that Punk has changed and that the fans have nothing to say to the one who preaches. Daniel calls Punk the biggest Sell Out instead of Big Show.
Punk shoots back and recaps his epic promo from last year. He rolls his eyes at those who says that was his best promo. He says that nothing has changed with him. He achieved success on his own terms. He didn’t kiss any ass or compromised anything. He calls Daniel a self-absorbed, obnoxious, goatfaced moron and tells him to put that on a t-shirt. “Goat-faced” chants. Punk promises to put him to sleep.
Kane comes out. He reminds them what he is: he set fire to JR, he electrocuted Shane’s balls, and tombstoned a priest. His ‘pipebombs’ are actual pipebombs and he’ll leave No Way Out as Champion.
AJ comes out, telling them to stop. To Kane, she says she looked into his eyes and she saw that he has a heart. “What” chants start up. “You gotta love crazy chicks,” Punk quips, causing a “Crazy Chick” chant. To Daniel, she says that you don’t get over your first love, and she hasn’t. To Punk, who waves at her with a smile, she says he’s the coolest guy in the world. Daniel asks what’s the point of this is. AJ says that she knows the best man will win.
Johnny on the titantron pops up and makes a tag team match with Daniel and Kane Vs Punk and AJ.
What?
King calls this a glorified Handicapped match while Cole recaps and reshows Vince’s warning from early in the show.
Nice promo from at least Punk and Daniel. Kane was pretty good, too, bringing up some of his more recent crazy stunts, but I wished he’d mention the time he caused lighting to strike the announce table. AJ… is nuttier than a fruit cake and it’s kinda entertaining.
Up next after commercial is the Fatal Four Way match with Christian, Dolph, Swagger, and Khali. Whoopee…
Back and King and Cole shill the Pizza Tracker for Dominos, showing that King ordered a pizza. And nothing is mentioned about it after it.
Anyway, we have the Fatal Four Way match for the #1 contender with Christian Vs The Great Khali V-
EXCUSE ME!
Vs Dolph Ziggler Vs Jack Swagger.
Cole says this was a great idea from Johnny, but King notes that Teddy Long was the one who came up with this first. They argue about this for a bit. There’s a commercial during match. Khali gets eliminated first by all three opponents. Then Ziggler eliminates Swagger. It becomes a VERY damn close match between Christian and Ziggler. Cole still kisses Johnny’s ass in the match. Ziggler gets the win thanks to Vickie’s distraction and a Zig-Zag. Vickie celebrates with Dolph in the ring. Dolph screams “About Damn Time” as Sheamus walks up behind him. The two stare each other down on the ramp, Sheamus raising his title in the air.
Great match with some good moves. Glad that Dolph is getting this push.
Vince is with Natalya talking about Wrestlemania and family, bringing up the Bret Vs Vince match, too. He walks away with a groan and bumps into Cameron and Naomi, who try to get him to reverse Johnny’s ban on Brodus from Raw, but it gets rejected. They then try to get him to dance with them and he joins in, dancing with the two. It’s awesome. Vince then bumps into Zack Ryder and Vince does Zack’s “Woo Woo Woo” to a stunned Zack. That was awesome!
There’s a reminder that Kofi and Big Show have a cage match later, plus CM Punk and AJ Vs Kane and Daniel Bryan.
Back from commercial and we got Ryberg/Ryback in action against two guys: Willard Fillmore and Rutherford Hayes. Apparently, Hayes is Michael “Doc Hendrix” Hayes’ son. Ryback kills them. Fans start chanting “Goldberg”. Not really interesting.
And Kofi Vs Big Show in the cage is up next.
Back and Vince and Hornswaggle are watching something. Vince then does an impression of JR. Hornswaggle leaves and Cena walks in. Cena tells him Johnny is awful and tells him to fire him. Vince then notes that Cena lost to Rock, but Cena counters with Vince’s losses. Vince balks and brings up Big Show. He tells Cena not to get involved in the Kofi match. Cena then notes that Johnny used the “You’re Fired” thing before he leaves. Otunga pops in and Vince tells him to screw off. Regal is also in the room after Vince makes reference to kissing people’s butts.
And we got Kofi Vs Big Show in a steel cage. There’s a recap of R-Truth getting pwned by Big Show earlier. Show is shown walking in the back as we go to commercial. Also Brodus Vs Otunga is announced for the pre-game show for No Way Out. Cole lists off all the people Big Show has been taking out since his return. He also starts to say that Cena is to blame for all that’s happen. Show pretty much beats the tar out of Kofi. Show yells “Am I entertaining you?” at one point to the audience. King and Cole argue over Big Show’s choice and if Cena is at fault. Kofi hits the Trouble in Paradise, but Show kicks out. Kofi tries to escape, but Show stops him twice. Show knocks him out with one punch. Show stares at everyone booing at him, soaking it up. Ref says that Kofi is knocked out and Show leaves through the door. Cole wonders who can stop Big Show. Johnny is smiling in the back, watching what happened.
It’s pretty much what you expect: Big Show kills another dude. Boring.
Reminder, CM Punk and AJ Vs Kane and Daniel Bryan as we go to commercial.
Back and it’s Sin Cara (He’s a man, Punch!) Vs Curt Hawkins Sin Cara’s got new music and it’s ok. Hawkins has neon green tights with some designs on them that look dorky. Sin Cara wins. Sign: “We want Mysterio back now!”
Nice match with Sin Cara doing little to no botches.
King and Cole shill “Backstage Fallout” on youtube, then reveal a countdown for Vince’s decision. Cole begs for Vince to keep Johnny on board as we go to commercial.
Back and we got some shilling for No Way Out, plus Triple H will talk about what’s been going on at the PPV.
Daniel Bryan is stretching in the back and Vince walks up to him, wishing him luck. Vince asks for his opinion on judging a book by its cover. Daniel notes they’re both self made success stories. Vince jokes he hasn’t finished anything in 16 seconds.
Up next, Johnny is letting a former main event wrestler be in a match.
Back with a memorable Raw moment from the first episode of Raw from Dolph Ziggler, who watched it when he was little and reveals his favorite guy is Bobby Hennan.
Match time is Heath Slatter in a match with a former Raw main Eventer who will be at the 1000th episode of Raw. Heath, who sounds drunk, boasts it’s Slatter Tim-
OH MY GOD, BIG VAN VADER!
King and Cole gush over Vader’s big events, including Vader doing a Vader Bomb on Gorilla Monsoon. Vader looks great! “Let’s go Vader” Chants and fans doing the “V” signs. He’s crazy over. Awesome to see Vader and he’s still great in the ring. Vader kicks ass and Heath does some good defense, but Vader takes him down a peg. “Vader Bomb” chant and Vader does so, earning the win. Fucking bad ass! King admits that Johnny impressed him with this.
Awesome to see Vader. He still looks great and was marking out like crazy when his music hit.
Be A Star promo from earlier that day. Hmm, and last week, Cena beat up Michael Cole and earlier we had Santino laughing at Ricardo for wearing a Bieber shirt.
AJ and Punk talk, Punk promises he won’t let AJ get hurt. He also calls this a glorified Handycap match, channeling the IWC for a moment. Punk tells her not to do anything crazy and everything will be fine. AJ kisses his cheek and runs off. Punk shakes his head as we go to commercial.
Back and we got Kane and Daniel Bryan Vs CM Punk and AJ. Punk again tells AJ to stay out of the match. Daniel and Kane take turns beating up Punk as AJ watches. Cole and King talk about AJ’s strange behavior, Cole bringing up Kane’s strange relationships. AJ is accidentally tagged in and has to fight Kane. AJ tries to eye sex Kane into not hurting her. She then skips around him, smiling. She then jumps on him, he catches her, and she FULL ON KISSES HIM! And it’s not just a simple kiss, she pretty much makes out with him. Yeah… Kane stares at her with Punk looking on in confusion. Kane tags Daniel back in, confused. Daniel charges at AJ, who runs into a Punk fist. AJ gets out of the away and Punk hits the Macho elbow to score the win. Punk poses while AJ sits like Punk in the ring, smiling happily. Kane, Punk, and Daniel are all confused as am I.
Nice match, but I have no idea where they’re going with this angle. Also, that kiss was something I’d see on something non-PG.
Up next, Vince gives his job evaluation on Johnny after commercial. I’m predicting shenanigans.
Back and NO CHANCE, here comes Vince, plus several security guards. Cole gushes over Johnny’s actions tonight, but King doesn’t think so.
Vince gets on the mike, says he always had a warm spot in his heart for Connecticut, even noting that Stephanie was born in Hartford. He hints that he might fire Johnny and calls him out.
Johnny hobbles out on the one crutch, staring mournfully at his fallen scooter. Cole doesn’t want Johnny to be fired and complains about it to King.
Johnny has a mike and says he didn’t like what Vince did to his scooter. He also says he’d never lay his hands on Vince. Vince says they’re not for him, but for Johnny. He says they’ll walk a certain someone out of the ring and out of the building. Johnny lists off what he’s done since in charge and says they need him for Raw and Smackdown. He tells him to do the right thing for the WWE Universe and let him keep his job. Vince talks about People Power and notes he has two words that are synonymous with him. He starts to say those two words…
Big Show comes out. Called it. Show admits Johnny made a few mistakes, but he gave him an iron clad contract, allowing him to do whatever he wants. He knows Vince can fire him, but if he did, he’d have to pay him millions of dollars to do nothing. So don’t get mad at Johnny, it’s not his fault. We know who is at fault. Everything he’s done, it all relates to Vince. He did EVERYTHING Vince asks him. His new contract lets him be what he wants to be. He tells him to be worried about someone else. “Cena” chants. He tells Vince to worry about Cena at No Way Out, promising to beat him.
More Shenanigans as Cena comes out. Cena is here on official business. He notes all the people Big Show blames for him losing his job. He points to Johnny, saying he’s at fault for letting Show complain. He says that Show has always been a Giant, so what makes NOW so different? He finally figured it out, now everything revolves around Show. He’s got everything he wants and has stacked the deck so much, he will win no matter what. What happens if he doesn’t win? If he doesn’t beat Cena, there are no more excuses. There’s nobody left to blame if he loses. He’ll be looked at the World’s Largest Disappointment and he’ll have to show up all the time to hear people call him a sell out. So Show, if he doesn’t win, what happens then?
Vince then announces he’ll be at ringside with Big Johnny and if Show loses, he’ll say those two words to Johnny. Show starts attacking Cena and the security guys. Cena goes after Show and Johnny gets thrown back for trying to trying to stop Cena, then Show knocked out Vince. Johnny yells at Show to get out of there. The two retreat as security check on Vince. We fade to black on Cena looking on in concern.
I totally called it when it came to Vince’s job evaluation of Johnny. I however didn’t call Vader’s return. So yeah, final promo was alright and Cena does make some good points when he calls out Show on his complaints. As for the whole show, it did have some crap points (the mixed tag match and Show’s beating on Kofi. There were some good matches though, including Sheamus/Tensai and the Fatal Four Way. Vince and Vader were the obvious highlights. Overall, not bad of a show and I’ll give it a 7 out of 10, mostly for Vince and Vader’s return, plus some random good things.