*sighs*... 😞😞😞
First, let's start with the positives,
*** I think the nappy headed troll who robbed Mo got fired yesterday (Update: He did get fired. He won't be missed… That new prep dude should be on his way out next. I can't stand him Ugh, update#2: Nope, he still has a job. I worked with his bad breath having ass today)
*** Malachi gave me a a bag of Lifesavers gummies yesterday cuz he was in the store, he thought about me. I thought it was funny cuz he slid me the bag like he was making a drug deal
And now…
*** I got to work this morning to the news that our grills had malfunctioned so they closed the store. Um, why? (Not only that, these hoes threw all the food in the cabinet away instead of selling all of it) There's a right way and a wrong way of doing everything in the store so all y'all had to do was stop selling sausage. BAM! Problem solved until a better solution shows up. You're trying to tell me that THE DAMN MANAGER couldn't solve the problem in 2hrs (Cuz they said it happened after 4) when I came up with a solution in 10mins?! FOH. Jarvis got mad that I wouldn't shut up about it, but bruh, you the manager. Managers should be hired based on their ability to problem solve. What the fuck is this stupidity?! Mo got upset because Jarvis was gossiping about me to Trevor (The other manager) but I gave zero shits. I said everything I had to say within hearing range. The fact that he couldn't say it to my face, (This is with me walking all the way around the corner to give him the chance) shows he's a coward and I don't have the energy for the fuck shit.
*** Now, let's get to those opening screenshots… *points* Let's talk about Zyi'... Again... *slaps forehead* *nope, again* *one more time* Um, huh? They started a GoFundMe! A GoFundMe! As I told him earlier, had he done as I said, he would have moved out with THOUSANDS so I have no sympathy for this situation. Then he was like: He wants me to share his GoFundMe because he doesn't wanna talk to the family. Welp, newsflash: You're grown now. You can't tell somebody you don't wanna hear from them out one side of your mouth then need their help outta the other. That makes you an entitled user and I know for a fact I didn't raise him this way. Rebellion is all fun and exciting but you'd better make damn sure you can support yourself in the long run cuz handling life that way means you will be all you have. He CHOSE not to listen even tho' he grew up with me teaching the right way to do things. Seeing as how this was his CHOICE, this means he needs to figure out how to man up. He didn't want my help tho' it was offered over and over before he moved out. He refused and said he had it. Um, don't change your tune now. Keep that same energy. A GoFundMe! *smacks head in disgust* What the fuck is this shit?!
Even as he was leaving, I told him he was gonna need his last check and he refused it, claiming he wouldn't need it. They've been DoorDashing and he's been buying guns (And other shit they don't need) but not groceries. No sir. Come to find out, he had two checks, not one. One for $179 and one for $199. What Imma do is send him the amount of his last two checks and that's it. (Minus the cost of shipping cuz I don't owe Zyi' anything. You were taught correctly. You CHOSE to do what you wanted to do. I don't have a dog in that fight. My wallet is closed to this kind of foolishness) Well, no. That's not it. Imma also send him the moving out manual that I wrote cuz even if he sets that shit on fire, I wanna know I sent you solutions. It's not my job to save you now. You were taught from the ground up how to fish, now go fishing.
GoFundMe's are for deserving people who have fallen on hard times that couldn't have been avoided. They are not those people. I can't speak for Athena, but on Zyi's end, he's in this situation because he was hard headed all the way up until he moved out. Had he done as I tried to encourage him, he would be in a home in town with help/support at his fingertips. He wanted to be on his own, saying that he didn't want family support (I.e The village) cuz he doesn't wanna hear their opinions on his choices. Unfortunately, more times than not, a person isn't going to cough up their money without an explanation as to why they're doing so. It's just a fact of life. As I said, I've lived my "I know everything and everybody else is wrong" years, but I matured with a quickness after I realized nobody was gonna swoop in and save me. The day I realized I was my own answer, I started to evolve. Does this mean I made all the right choices? Nope. Not even a little. I've learned quite a bit through my evolution years.
Cut to Sunday…
^He was very upset with my handling of his disrespect so he decided to throw it in my face that I changed after my meds, (Even told me to ask Mo and Player 456 like I don't know where the shit started), he didn't ask to be born (Duh... Name the one hoe who asked to be burn and I'll show you the bridge that his ass is burning with me), I only give life lessons based off my life, (Untrue and I had no problem lining up how I know this to be untrue) and I apparently make him feel unwanted. (Since when?! Oh, since I won't take your disrespect and just let you come back to the house I busted my ass to pay for) Were I a lesser being, I would have gotten all up in my feelings or felt guilty but as I told him, he knows nothing about me and the fact that those were his answers proves that. Especially my meds cuz Player 456 felt the need to tell the kids that I changed after my meds. It wasn't even his place to tell them I was on meds considering the fact that I was struggling with the decision.
It was a long winding road to the realization that the meds didn't change me. For so long, (Longer than I care to admit, especially since I didn't wanna admit it) I placed emphasis on my sexual identity, as if it were more important than any other part of me. It was crippling. When my meds erased that one part of me, I treated it as if my personality had been erased and instead of encouraging me to embrace this change, Player 456 treated it the same. It would have been nice to be in a peaceful/loving environment cuz had I been, I would have realized alot sooner that sex isn't a personality trait and without it, I began to feel clearer, and more relaxed, peaceful even. Maturity dictates that I admit that my meds didn't change me. The truth did. I'll never feel guilty or apologize for that. Even with how Zyi' is behaving now, I would do it again in a heartbeat. I sacrificed my health, my time and my peace for my family and that's okay. I wouldn't be a mom if I didn't. I could have explained to Zyi' what really happened, but he doesn't wanna hear me anymore and even if he did, it would be weird to explain to my son that his dad only told them that cuz he was mad cuz I wouldn't have sex with him… Oddly enough, (I'm Yvie Oddly and oddly enough 💚💚💚) even Player 456 has mentioned several times that my personality reminds him of the girl he met in Highschool. I feel like a rebooted computer most days. I love where I've landed in life so nah, my medication will not be used as a weapon against me in these streets. I didn't take it from his fucked up, deadbeat daddy and I won't be taking it from him either. FOH
So I said nothing… As usual.
Ya know, no matter how upset/angry I've gotten with Player 456 over the years, I've never used that as an excuse to start flapping my gums to the kids. I wasn't rude/mean nor was I manipulative/petty so yes, it left the door open for my kids to tell themselves who I am instead of asking me. I'm not gonna enter an era of arguing with Zyi'. I refuse. Because of this, I'm going to respect that he wants to be seen as a free and clear adult, meaning no… He doesn't need to be living here. I don't invite toxicity into my life anymore. Even if that toxic force is from my own flesh and blood. My mental health/peace comes first.
If he wants to heal/grow and get a real education as to who I am, the door will always be wide open. (Cuz I did apologize for his perspective. 3x's in fact. I've never seen myself as too good to apologize to my own children)
Until then, for my own peace of mind, the answer is no… You can't come here… Especially with you feeling comfortable to lie to yourself about me. There's alot of animosity/negativity and not enough communication/understanding/growth. I won't live with any forms of Player 456's mental abuse and what Zyi' did the other night reminded me of him… I didn't resort to saying it tho'... I just watched and felt sad because I don't mind supporting my kids…
I do mind supporting anyone's disrespect tho'.
I won't do that.
Later